


Completing the Circle - 2 Pi R

by Josephine_Martin



Series: The Circle Series [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 71,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josephine_Martin/pseuds/Josephine_Martin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At every decision point, a new universe is created. Every minor change has its repercussions, some greater than others. Starts during The Torment of Tantalus and goes AU from that point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was first published in 2007 on Fanfiction.net. Apart from a few minor corrections, it is unchanged. I will be reposting it here, chapter by chapter, as I've gone through it.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Where this story crosses over with the series, there will be sections of dialogue taken from there, allowing this story to mesh with the original work.
> 
> With thanks to my beta, tgeyer.

"Teal'c, let's go! Start dialling in. We only have seconds once the gate is open." Urgency but no panic from Carter. Every time I think I've got her measure, she surprises me. She's good. I go down to hurry Daniel and Ernest.

"Come on, boys, we got to go, now!"

"I'm staying."

For crying out loud! I can't believe even Daniel would want that.

"What?" I'm proud I kept it to a single word.

"Look, I'll be fine down here."

I turn to Ernest. "Go on! Go on!" At least he's got the sense to do as he's told. "Daniel, we can come back."

"No. What if the castle crumbles around the gate? I mean this … this could all be lost. If I stay, I could unbury the gate again."

"What if it falls into the ocean?"

"I am willing to take that risk."

"I'm not!" I grab him and push him towards the stairs.

"Jack!" We stop at the bottom. "Please."

I know that look. Daniel's determined. I let him go. He goes back to the … thing … takes a last look and picks up Ernest's journal before coming back towards me.

As we approach the gate, things get worse. It's not just dust that's falling from the ceiling - now it's huge, honking chunks of rock. Daniel and I have to dive to avoid one fall, and as we scramble up, I see that Carter's waiting for us, stepping forward, away from the gate. I'm about to tell her to go, when one of those rocks falls too close to her, and she's down. I didn't see how bad it hit her, and I scramble towards her.

She looks ok - a gash over one eye all I can see. Daniel's caught up with me, but I wave him through the gate as I help Carter to her feet. We turn, ready to step through, but we're too late and the wormhole winks out.

Carter's swaying slightly, probably concussion. The ceiling's still coming down and we've got to get out of here. I pick up our two packs and get an arm around Carter to support her.

We scramble out of there. Debris is falling everywhere, and I don't know how we get out in one piece. Once we're clear, I try to get my bearings, remember what I saw earlier.

We're going to need shelter. It's not raining yet, but the clouds aren't promising sunshine. I scan inland, looking for the caves I spotted. They're higher than our current position set into the side of the cliff.

"Stay with me, Carter," I warn her. "I don't want to have to carry you. These packs are heavy enough for an old man."

She doesn't answer, but she does look at me. Her eyes are glazed, but I think I got her attention. We start the climb.

By half way, the rain starts. It's my personal favourite - rain that soaks you and drips off your nose within seconds. It seems to revive Carter a bit so she's not leaning so heavily on me, not that we can move faster. Poor visibility and worse terrain see to that.

With the rain, the temperature drops, and when we finally get to the cave, I'm cold and Carter's shivering. I leave her and the packs just inside and go to check out the rest of the cave for other occupants. It's empty.

I go to where Carter's sitting. Looks like she just slipped down where I left her. I kneel to take a look at her injury. It's not bad - or she wouldn't have made it this far. Not bleeding any more either. Good, but it'll be better covered. I find a dressing.

"I'm fine, Sir." She bats my hand away.

"You're not fine, Carter. But you will be. Let me take a look."

She lets me clean and dress the cut. While I do that, I'm also assessing the severity of her concussion. I think she's ok, but concussion's sometimes tricky. She's still shivering though. And I'm not too warm either.

"Got any spare clothes in that pack?" I ask. As much to keep her busy; I don't want her falling asleep yet.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. Get out of your wet clothes. I'll er, be over here."

I throw her pack towards her before making my way to the back of the cave, carefully keeping my eyes ahead.

I'm going over longer term options. Ernest Littlefield spent fifty years alone on this planet …I like to think I'm as comfortable in my own company as any man, but the idea of fifty years of it …

So, what next? If I had to choose one of my team to be stuck here with, I'd go for Teal'c. That's not because I don't have confidence in Carter - I do. Just because of the … complications. Little things like having to turn my back while she changes.

She interrupts with a "Ready, Sir."

"Ok, good. Carter, why don't you get out something to eat while I get dry? When the storm passes, we can try to find some firewood, but for now, we'll have to settle for cold. Ok?"

"Yes, Sir."

We eat seated close to the cave entrance. Neither of us seems to want to talk, and I'm not complaining. Daniel would have wanted to chat.

"Let's check our supplies," I suggest once we've finished.

Between us, we've got food for about three days, some drinking water, basic cooking supplies, two sleeping bags, a couple of thermal blankets, a basic two-man tent and one spare set of clothes each. I draped them over rocks at the back of the cave to dry. I think they'll dry pretty fast once we can get them outside. We've got weapons too, although Ernest didn't seem to suffer from not having any. Finally, I drag a couple of things out of my pocket - I'd been carrying them for Daniel. It's a lump of the fungus that Ernest has been living on, and some leaves which he'd been using for washing. Given that Ernest survived here all that time, I'd say our chances of survival are good. Not so sure about our chances for getting home.

"Options, Carter?" I know she'll know what I mean.

"Well, Sir. The DHD's gone. We'll have to check out the gate later. Even if the ceiling's come down on top of it, we should be able to dig it out. Then we'll just have to find another power source."

"Ok. Plan A. But we need a plan B. What if the gate is beyond reach? You saw what happened to the DHD. If the gate's gone the same way …"

"Then we're stuck here, Sir."

"Not stuck," I correct. "Just here for longer than we'd planned. They'll find us."

"I don't see how, Sir. The gate is the only way we have of travelling here. We have no ships, even if they could travel the huge distance involved before we both die of old age."

"We'll get out of this. You've got to believe that."

"But, Sir …"

"Carter, we'll get out of this."

"Yes, Sir."

Not sure I've convinced her.

The light's fading, but the rain's stopped. I get up and walk to the cave entrance. It's quite a view. Under other circumstances …We're high above an ocean that stretches to the horizon. Waves are crashing against jagged rocks, stirred by the wind that's still blowing pretty hard. In the distance, a reddish sky on the horizon would imply better things tomorrow if we were on Earth.

"What about that sky, Carter? You know the old rhyme? Red sky at night - means a good day tomorrow. That hold here too?"

"I don't know, Sir. On Earth, in the northern hemisphere, weather systems tend to come from the west - the same direction as the setting sun. All the rhyme is really recording is the fact that a clear sky in that direction means it'll probably be dry in the future. Without having any information on weather systems on this planet, I don't know if it means the same."

Ok, I'd say the concussion's not too bad. She's doing ok. She's taking the shock well too. A lot of people - experienced people - would have gone to pieces by now. I've seen it. They're fine while things are ok, but when things go bad, they just switch off, wait for the worst.

"It's getting cold, Carter. Get some sleep? I'll take one of the blankets and take the first watch. You take the two sleeping bags, stay warm."

"Yes, Sir."

She gets herself settled. No questions. She's good. She's scared. Got to be. I'm kind of shaky myself, but there's no way I'm going to show her that.

"Goodnight, Carter."

"Goodnight, Sir."

The wind's howling outside, the sound loud enough to mask any other sounds out there. Inside, it's quiet. Quieter. Despite the sound of the wind, I can still just hear, or maybe feel, my own heart beating. I glance at Carter. I know I can trust her in a tight spot. She's proved as much, and more. She'll follow orders, and in a sticky situation, that's damned important. She's got the smarts to make the most of whatever chances we've got. We work well together too. All that's bound to increase our odds of getting out of here in one piece.

And if we're stuck here for a while - she's good company. Never thought I'd say that of a scientist – especially one who uses so many long words. Unlike Teal'c, she can chat, and unlike Daniel, she knows when to stop.

I try to imagine how it's being taken back at the SGC. Sure, Hammond, Daniel and Teal'c'll be working their tails off trying to find a way to get us back. For a while at least, the resources of the command'll be directed to that purpose. The longer we're stuck, the lower the priority. I might not like it, but it's the only logistical option. They can't afford to tie up resources for long on what might be a wild goose chase.

I know we'll be the talk of the locker room. It's not that they don't care, it's just that the guys all know that next time it could be them stuck God knows how far away, and it's how they let off steam. Well, that and the fact that they're a bunch of guys and Carter, well, they've all got an opinion on her. I mean, long before I knew she was brilliant and a damned good soldier, I'd spotted that she's really easy on the eyes. But I know that every one of those guys would join a rescue effort if there was any way to do it.

I wake her after about six hours. It's still full dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Colonel wakes me later. For a moment, I forget it's not a routine mission, and that I'm not going to trip over Daniel or Teal'c. It's completely dark in the cave, although there's some light from the moon outside. The Colonel seems to settle to sleep quickly despite the sound of the wind. It's less than it was, but still loud enough to keep a lot of people from sleeping. I'm probably the only person awake on this planet. It's a scary thought. When I think of how many nights Ernest must've lain just a short distance away, it gives me the shivers. For all I know I could still be here in fifty years. The Colonel's determined that we'll get home, and I'm trying to stay positive, but it's difficult. I'm a scientist. I'm trained to think in terms of possibilities, probabilities. And the probability that we're going home isn't high. But it's far from impossible. Finding another power source for the gate will be the key. We failed when we tried to access the power for the repository of knowledge, but we didn't really try very hard. Once the weather is clear and we can work without time being a factor, it might be possible. And possible is good enough.

I get up and walk out of the cave. I'm more than half way through my watch, and the sun is just rising. I walk just over to my left a little, sure that I'll be able to see the castle. That's not right. I move a little further over, but I still can't see it. I must be confused about direction. I was a bit out of it during the first part of our walk up here; I don't understand. I try the opposite direction from the cave entrance, but still, I can't see it. I can see a wide stretch of coastline from here, but not the castle. The light's getting better, and I walk back towards my original position. I take some time to scan everything I can see, and then I realise that there's a very good reason I can't see the castle; it's gone.

Even once I've realised it, it takes some time for me to actually form the words in my head. The castle is gone. And that means that it's likely that the gate has too.

For the first time, I feel the start of real despair. If the gate's gone, we're stuck here. Just a few months of doing a job I love more than I'd have thought possible - and it's over. I'm stuck on an uninhabited planet with no one for company but my CO. My very attractive CO who has no interest in me whatsoever beyond that of a junior member of his team. I'll never see my dad, my brother, my friends again. Everything I planned for my life …

I can't help it. The tears start to fall, and I drop to the ground. I'm desperate, but I'm silent. There's no way I want the Colonel to see me like this.

He finds me there later. I cried myself out, but I still feel the need to wipe my eyes when he appears.

"What's up, Carter?" he asks.

"The castle, Sir." My voice sounds slightly broken. I swallow.

"What about the castle? You can probably see it from h…"

"Yes, Sir. You can. What's left of it."

He shades his eyes and stares into the distance.

"Doesn't look like there's much left, does it?"

"No, Sir."

"Ok, Carter, we'll go and take a closer look once we've eaten. It's probably not as bad as it looks."

I don't know if he believes what he's saying, but I'm grateful to him anyway. I need to hope that he's right.

We eat another cold meal. There's something depressing about cold food - whatever we find, we need to get some firewood. Even if the day ends up as hot as I remember from yesterday when we arrived, a fire provides a psychological benefit that I really need just now.

I watch the Colonel as we eat, but if he's worried, he's not showing it. Of course, he's not showing anything at all.

When we've finished, we pack our gear and stack it at the back of the cave, taking only the basics with us as we make our way back down towards the ocean. It takes less than twenty minutes to get back - much less than it took us last night.

I try to picture the castle as it was before, but the truth is that I didn't actually see it much. Before the wormhole was lost, I hadn't been out of the castle at all - concentrating on finding a way to get us home. Then, after the wormhole collapsed, I was pretty much out of it - dazed. I did take a look after we got to the cave before it got completely dark. I remember a huge structure. Now, all I can see is a pile of debris.

The one thing I remember from the inside of the castle is that the repository was actually underground.

"Stay back," the Colonel warns as we approach, almost slipping on some loose rock.

"I think there's a route down this way," I answer.

"Be careful. First aid isn't my strong point."

"Yes, Sir. But I think I can get closer this way."

I scramble down the embankment, then move along to get a better view.

"Sir, I think we can get in here."

He follows, quickly catching up with me as I stop, taking in the remains of what was the gate room. There's almost no floor. From where I am, I can see the water below. It's shallow and clear, and it's churning around various rocky outcrops. The gate is nowhere to be seen.

I know the Colonel can see as well as I can. Both of us are silent for a while, taking in the devastation. At last, he breaks the silence. "Anything worth taking with us?"

I scan the area. "If we left anything, it's gone."

"Right, Captain. No point in waiting around here. Let's head back to the cave. We need to find some firewood, dig in up there. Once we're settled, we'll talk about the next step."

"But, Sir, we …"

"We will get out of here, Captain. But it's going to take a while. We need to dig ourselves in while we work out where we go from here."

"Yes, Sir."

"Let's move out, Captain."

He's all formality. I know he's right, that he's perfectly correct to address me like that, but it seems cold. He uses my name - Carter - so often, and that always sounds so much better than my bald rank. But then he's human. I'm struggling to cope with our situation. It must be hard for him too, and maybe it's just his way of coping.

"You get some firewood. I'm going to look for food. According to Daniel, the fungus that Ernest's been living on grows on rock. I'll try to get some of that. Apparently, there're fruit trees around too, but they're a couple of hours away. We'll need to check that out, but not right away. There's fresh water somewhere too. Ernest survived for half a century, and he seemed healthy enough, so we should be ok."

"Yes, Sir."

It takes a while. The trees are pretty sparse around here, and without anything sharper than a knife, I've got to rely on what I can pick up off the ground. Still, after the wind, there's a fair bit of dead wood and after a couple of hours, I've got a reasonable stack. I pile it outside the cave to dry, keeping the driest separate for now. Once that's done, I drape our still-wet clothes outside too. The day has warmed up substantially, and by the time I've finished, I'd love a shower. Not going to happen, though. A short while later, the Colonel comes back with water and samples of fungus.

"Doesn't look appetising, does it?"

"Can't say it does."

"Well, Ernest's been living on it, so how much harm can it do?"

He breaks a bit off and puts it on his tongue. He chews it slowly.

"What's it like?"

"Bland. Doesn't matter. I'll rig up a fishing line tonight. There's a stream over there that looks promising."

He actually sounds pleased at the prospect.

"So, is any of that wood dry enough to burn?"

"Some of it. I piled it separately, closest to the cave."

"Good. I'd kill for a coffee."

The hot coffee warms me more than it should. We're both deep in thought as we drink, and when we've finished, we quickly wash up our cups. The Colonel banks the fire so it'll burn low for a while, then gets up.

"What d'you say to a look around the area? Maybe get some of that fruit if you're up to a walk?"

"Yes, Sir." I agree.

"We'll talk about our options later, but we might as well use the daylight while we've got it."

The fruit trees are closer than we thought – only an hour from our cave. There are several types, and the fruits range from something not unlike apples to others that are closer to plums and mangoes. We gather a selection and head back to the cave. Throughout, we see nothing remotely threatening – not even any large wildlife.

We eat again – this time, with hot water, we can have some hot food, and we follow it up with a little fruit.

"So, Captain," he starts as we finish cleaning up. "We need a Plan B."

"Plan B, Sir?"

"Plan A was finding a way to use the Stargate. I know we hadn't worked out the details, but …"

"Well, if the gate's intact, we can expect the SGC to try to contact us."

"So, if the gate's intact but in deep water, what'll happen?"

"They'll send a MALP through, but all it'll tell them is that there's water this side. Next step'll be to send through a remote sub. They might try to contact us through that - use it like an aquatic MALP. They'll know that we don't have access to a DHD, so if they send through a manned sub, they'll have to include a means of dialling out without the DHD."

"Ok, Captain. Timescale. How long should that take?"

"Well, Sir. To make contact with us? I'd think a couple of days, maybe longer."

"Remember you're not there. Have pity on mere mortals. Be generous."

I grin at that, and he smiles back.

"For the rest? That's harder. The computer system for the dialling computer's huge. But before we came here, I was working on a smaller, limited version that could be run from a laptop. That's probably just about ready – at least for just dialling a single address. The hard part will be generating enough power, or at least, getting a generator small enough to travel on a sub that'll fit through the gate. Maybe a couple of weeks."

"Ok, Captain. Your job for tomorrow: think it through. If the SGC makes contact, then any ideas you can give them might shorten our stay here."

"Yes, Sir. And what'll you be doing?"

"Fishing. Tomorrow, we'll have some fresh fish."

It goes quiet again then. I'm watching the flames in the fire, finding them strangely hypnotic. My mind's busy already. The problem is that Plan B assumes that the gate is usable but under water. Considering the amount of debris that fell from the castle and the strength of the wind, I'm not sure that'll turn out to be the case. There are too many other possibilities none of which increase our chance of getting home.

"Sir?" His attention comes back to me.

"What about Plan C?"

"Plan C?"

"Yes, Sir. What if the SGC doesn't make contact? If the gate's gone, what do we do then?"

"No point in worrying about that yet, Carter."

"Sir, I don't agree. I think there's a very real chance that the gate has been damaged or buried where we won't be able to get to it."

"Ok, Plan C. We can see if there's a tidal system around her that'll give us access to the gate. And if not?"

He pauses, thinking.

"Then, we go explore."

"Explore? I thought Ernest said there was nothing here?"

"I know, Carter. But Ernest's a scientist."

"So am I, Sir."

"I know, but you're not just a scientist. Daniel was reading his diary. Do you know how far he got from the castle?"

"No. I didn't hear that."

"A day's walk. All that time here, and he never got more than a day's walk from the castle."

I think about that. I even understand it. Leaving the castle behind would be frightening. He must have been expecting rescue, but he had no idea how long it'd take. Leaving the Stargate behind would be the last thing he'd want to do. He didn't even have any information on the likelihood of the planet being occupied. Without knowing about the Goa'uld, why would anyone expect so many planets to have human civilisations?

"You ok, Carter?"

"Yes, … no. Sir, I'm not ok."

"Scared?"

"Yeah, a bit."

"Me too."

"You?"

"Sure. It's unknown. We're going to get home, but we don't know how long it'll take. And we don't know what'll happen before then."

I shiver, although I know it isn't that cold yet.

"Come here," he says quietly. He's leaning against a wall, his arm raised, offering me contact. I immediately move towards the offered comfort. It's only once I'm settled beside him that I realise that it's a sign of how much I trust him. I can count on one hand the number of men I'd trust in this situation. I feel safe. And I really need some human contact. Maybe he does too.

"This ok, Carter? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, Sir. It's fine. I don't know how Ernest did it. Alone for all those years. I don't think I could…"

He just nods. We sit there and watch the fire until it's full dark, and I find myself nodding off.

"I'll take watch, Carter. Sleep."

I agree, pull off my boots and climb into my sleeping bag. It takes me longer to fall asleep than it did last night. It's surprising. I'm normally pretty good at just switching off and sleeping when I get the chance when we're off world. It's just … it felt so good just sitting with him like that. He meant it innocently, I know that. It was just comfort, offered by a friend. So why am I imagining how it would feel to kiss him? And why am I even thinking about something so trivial when we're in a mess like this?

I admire him. It's not necessarily a given. I've had a number of superiors in my time in the Air Force I couldn't say that about. Colonel O'Neill has earned my respect but it's more than that. SG-1 has gelled so well that we were fast becoming more family than just people who work together. But I know there's always been something different about the Colonel. He's physically attractive. That was one of the first things I had to admit to myself about him. I realise that if I'd been stranded with, say, Daniel, it would be simpler. I like Daniel. Very much. And while I can see that he's an attractive man, I've never been drawn to him in that way. On the other hand, if it was just Daniel and me, I wouldn't feel so safe. It's not that I can't look after myself. I can. But Jack's experience is valuable. He's less likely to take risks based on emotions than Daniel, and while I understand why Daniel acts like he does, sometimes even agree with him, right now, it's Jack's survival skills that we need.


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks and nothing from the SGC. If it was just me, I'd have gone by now – cut my losses and moved on. There's a whole planet here, and I'd like to see it. But Carter … she's been working hard coming up with ideas to help our eventual rescue. She's amazing. Idea after idea considered and discarded. She came close to losing it that first night. She spotted the castle was gone. I was asleep – she was alone. I wish she'd wakened me, but it's not her way. She dealt with it alone. Then, she needed something to do – something to keep hope alive – and I gave it to her. I had to. Now, with the initial shock gone, I know it's time to move on.

It's been a good few weeks. Survival hasn't been a big deal. We've got the basics – food, water, firewood. And food means fishing. Daily routine has us searching the beach at low tide, checking for any sign of the Stargate, scouting inland at other times – never getting out of radio range of the ruins. We've slipped into a not-uncomfortable routine.

Low tide this morning is just after dawn, so we leave while it's still cold. We're armed out of habit, but we haven't needed weapons so far.

We're an hour away from our base when Carter spots it. "Sir, over there!"

I follow her line of sight, and my heart speeds a little. After three weeks, we deserve a break.

It takes us an hour to find a route to what she saw. The beach is treacherous around here. It looks like the Stargate got buried in the silt. I'm not sure how we managed to miss it before, but I don't care. We get to it and start to dig it out. It isn't long before it's obvious why we missed it. It's not the Stargate - just a section of it which was probably washed up with the last tide.

I see the disappointment on her face and I realise I'd been hoping more than I thought. We don't discuss it, just make our way back to camp.

I set water to boil ready to use the last of our coffee. We've been rationing it, but after what we found, we deserve a taste of home.

"So, that's it," she finally admits.

"Well, it's shrunk since I last saw it …"

"It was destroyed! The edges … they'd melted. The energy that took …It must've been hit by multiple lightning strikes, way more powerful than the one we used to power the gate. I'm sorry, Sir. I should've disconnected the gate from the lightning rod before we left. If we had, maybe …"

"Carter, it was all you could do to stand up then. If we'd tried to disconnect it, we'd both be dead. It's not your fault."

She's still thinking, trying to reason a way out of this, but I know from her expression that it's hopeless.

"Even if we could find all the bits, I'd never be able to undo that amount of damage. With all the resources of the SGC, there'd be nothing I could do. The gate's had it."

"I guessed that, Carter."

"I'm sorry, Sir."

"What did I just say? Nothing to be sorry about. So, it's time for Plan C. Or was it Plan D?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You ok with that, Carter? Abandoning this lovely little home, taking off to places unknown?" I wave my hands around, indicating the cave.

"Sir, I …"

"I do want your opinion, Carter. If you've got a better idea, I'm listening."

"No, Sir. What's your thinking?"

"What, beyond the thrill of an unexplored, uninhabited planet?"

"Yes, Sir."

"We've only got Ernest's belief that the planet's uninhabited, along with our own localised scouting. It's perfectly possible that there's a civilisation of some sort here, and if we're going to get home, we're going to need some help."

"Data from the balloon didn't show any signs of an industrial civilisation, and there're no measurable energy signatures either."

"Yes, and how long did the balloon last? I think you measured it in minutes rather than hours, and I seem to remember you saying that the severe weather could've swamped other energy signals. We really don't know what's on this planet. " I pause, checking her expression, trying to gauge her reaction. "You don't think we should go?"

"I … no, Sir. I think we should. I just wanted to understand why you thought we should."

"Ah."

"So, when do we leave?"

Acceptance. I'm relieved.

"First thing tomorrow. We'll spend the rest of today getting supplied. The fungus lasts well, and there's a good supply of it here. I'll get us enough fish for a couple of days and we can head out by way of those fruit trees, pack some of that too."

"Yes, Sir."

When we settle around the fire for our evening meal that night, everything's ready.

"Gonna miss the place?"

"I suppose. So, you looking forward to a change of scenery?"

"Yeah. I'm hoping for some lakes. Good fishing."

"You like fishing, Sir."

"You think?"

She laughs at that and I'm amazed how much better that makes me feel.

"Carter, you think you could cope with not calling me Sir?"

"Sir?"

"What we found this morning … the chances of us getting home are just about gone. You get that, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And if we do come across anyone, it might be easier if we lose the military background. Think about it as going undercover."

"But you're still my CO, even if we don't openly recognise it."

"And don't you forget it, Sam." I try to keep the tone light. I still need to know that she'll follow orders if it's necessary.

"Sure, Jack. It might take some getting used to."

"Well, we'll probably get plenty of practice."

She takes that better than I'd thought, but then she's probably worked out the probability of our getting home to some horrendous number of decimal places. There's no point in hoping for something that's not going to happen. It's better to just take what you've got and make the best of it. And if I've got to spend the rest of my life with someone, then I reckon I did pretty well on the deal. Three weeks has made a difference. We're coping with the … difficulties … and her company's made the time happier than it should've been. Way happier, and I can't imagine what life would be like without her. I don't want to imagine it. Course, she no doubt thinks differently. I mean, she got the raw end of the deal, having to put up with me.

JJJJJ

Later, we watch the sun go down over the ocean as usual. The rest of the evening is spent chatting, watching the fire, and just sitting close. Sitting close and getting closer. At least that's how it is for me. I'm careful not to see anything I shouldn't when she's changing or bathing in a nearby stream. The balance we've got is fragile. My greatest fear is that I'm going to spoil it. That I'm going to do something stupid.

When I think of home, I still think about Charlie and Sara, even though they're not there for me. I still love Sara. Probably always will, but I knew a long time ago that what we had was over. And I accepted it. But Earth's a long way from here, and with each day it seems more distant. Here, there's Sam. She's young, brilliant, vibrant. She's innocent in ways I don't think I ever was. Despite our shared military background, we haven't got a lot in common. I can't help but imagine spending the rest of my life with her – it looks like it's either that or spend it alone. I'm the last man in the world for her. Except I might be the only one. Now there's a depressing thought.

JJJJJ

In the morning, I suggest one last trip down to the ruins of the castle. I want to leave a message. It's a crazy idea, but it doesn't cost much. I use some softer rock to write it on the most sheltered bit of the remaining walls we can find. It's not signed - it doesn't need to be. All it says is 'Gone Fishing', and a direction - towards the rising sun - inland. Daniel and Teal'c'll get it. Hammond too, if it comes to that. If they ever mount a rescue.

JJJJJ

It feels familiar. Standard routine on a new planet - walking, alert, scanning the terrain. It's just there isn't anything. No people, not even any animals larger than rabbits. They're more common the further we get from the coast and I wonder if it'll be worth setting traps. I like fish, but a bit of variety wouldn't hurt.

The ground rises slowly from the coast, a steady climb, but not unpleasant. The weather's hot, the sun bright.

About two hours out from the coast, we pause to consider directions. Carter pulls out one of her meters and takes a reading. She's screwing her eyes up the way she does when she's confused – not something that happens often.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Well, I'm getting an energy reading. It's strong enough I should've picked it up before now, but I haven't."

"Any idea how far?"

"Not without knowing how strong the original signal is."

"It's bound to be our best chance of finding some help, so we head there."

I take point. It's about being in command, taking the risk. And hoping that, by not having her in my sight all day, I'll stop wanting to touch her. It's addictive. I tried to justify it as a need for human contact – something we both need to keep our sanity. But I was fooling myself. It's more than that. What I want is much more intimate. If we're not going home then that intimacy isn't forbidden any more, but she's given me no reason to think she might want it. And even if she did, how would I know that she wasn't just settling because there's no alternative? There's the practical side of things too. We're alone on a planet without access to either birth control or basic medical help. If she got pregnant … I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't expect her to give birth here, with no pain relief and no help other than me. The risks are just too great. And what sort of a life would this be for a kid anyway? And the fact that I'm even thinking about that shows how screwed up I am.

JJJJJ

The next week takes on a pattern. We walk, pausing if we come across a stream where we can replenish our water supplies, bathe, and fish, following streams while they're going in our intended direction. The rod I've put together by a combination of searching and scavenging items out of our packs isn't ideal. For bait, I'm experimenting with everything from what look just like earthworms, to the fungus we're eating to bits of the local vegetation. It shouldn't work well, but it does. Fresh fish is on the menu a couple of times a day, and we've even discovered that the various fungi we gather can be improved by cooking with some of the local grasses. My attempts at trapping anything else have failed so far, but I'm still refining the design. We're being careful about adding new things to our diet - trying out small quantities at first - but so far, we've had no problems. In many ways, I'm feeling fitter than ever.

The terrain changes slowly - the rockiness of the coastal area gives way to level grassland. Plant life is plentiful, but not overgrown. On the seventh day, that changes. On the horizon, stretching as far as we can see, is a forest.

We make camp that night on the edge of the woods. Apart from the change of scenery, the evening progresses as usual, right up until Sam starts yawning.

"Time to sleep," she murmurs quietly. We'd been chatting, but it's been silent for a while.

"Yeah." I turn towards her. She doesn't move. There's a moment when the temptation to kiss her is almost too much to resist, and to my surprise, she freezes, her eyes huge. And suddenly the moment is over. She gets up quickly, and climbs into the tent, while I'm left kicking myself. I've done what I knew I couldn't do. We might've dropped the titles, but I'm still her CO, still too old for her, and I've upset her. The look in her eyes when she realised what I nearly did … I don't know what it was, but it couldn't be good. Jack O'Neill, you're an idiot.

I spend the whole of my watch externally scanning the surroundings for danger, and internally reliving what happened. I knew all along that being close to her was playing with fire, but I couldn't stop myself. I almost kissed her. That wasn't what I planned. She's given me no reason to believe that she wants that. I'm a fool.

In the silence of the night, I hear her tossing restlessly. It's not like her. Normally, she sleeps quickly and soundly until I call her. She trusted me. I was honoured that she was willing to give me that trust, and now, maybe I've lost it.


	4. Chapter 4

I can't believe I was so stupid. I nearly kissed him … allowed him to kiss me. I need someone. I need not to feel alone, but it's not just that. I want him. I know I'm crazy, and the last thing I need is to get involved in a sexual relationship with a man who's still in love with his ex-wife, who's my CO, who could never take me seriously, and who I'm fast falling in love with. Sure, I'm the only woman on the planet – he's going to want to take advantage – he's a man. But I trust him enough to know he won't unless I want it. Taking that step is somehow confirming that we're not going home and while I've accepted it at some level, I'm not ready for that, for the finality of it. And I couldn't bear to be a substitute, even here. So the natural thing is to throw myself at him, right? And while I didn't quite do that, I've given away more of what I'm feeling than I intended.

The thought that we're not going home is making me needy. It's logical, makes perfect sense, but that doesn't make it right. Once I'm alone in the tent, sleep is difficult and I know I'm restless, although I do my best to be quiet enough that he won't hear.

When I relieve him later, I'm glad it's dark and that he can't see any sign of how little sleep I've had. By the time he wakens next morning, I've pasted on a neutral face and got some breakfast underway.

The forest that seemed so huge as we entered it only lasts for a couple of hours, and once on the other side, the landscape changes. There's little sign of recent activity, but this land was once farmed, although it's been some time. Fields are overgrown, but there's still the evidence of dry stone walls at intervals, and other structures that could have been small shelters or storage for animal food. We continue to follow the energy signal, and an hour later, we spot the village.

Like the farmland, it looks deserted. After we've checked out the immediate area, we investigate the buildings one by one. It's an odd mixture. The houses seem to be older than the other buildings. They're basic – wooden structures with enough furniture that it looks like the previous occupants left in a hurry. There's not exactly food on the tables, but there's evidence that some of them were occupied fairly recently – more recently than the land was farmed. Three buildings stand out. The largest of these is quite clearly a military barracks. A large room filled with low beds, a shower room, and storage facilities with supplies of simple clothes and what look remarkably like military rations. There's a smaller building which looks to be some sort of medical facility, and the third looks disturbingly like a temple. These three buildings are technologically advanced compared to the houses, and don't seem to be made of materials native to the planet – at least, not this part of it.

The temple isn't a pyramid, just a large stone structure with four steps leading to a doorway. The statue at the entrance is one I haven't seen before – either on a Goa'uld structure or in one of Daniel's texts. It appears to be a man being strangled by two snakes.

"Goa'uld?" Jack asks.

"Could be, Sir. Although with the twin snakes?"

He shrugs. "Let's take a look."

I follow him in, and, apart from a fairly lavish entrance hall, the only other space we find, hidden behind that, looks like nothing so much as a medical lab. This is out of place again. If there's a technological gap between the houses and the temple, then this room is at a different level again. If I had to guess, I'd say it predated the temple and that the outer stone structure was built over the original building. The walls and floor are completely smooth – almost more like moulded plastic than stone, although they feel cool like stone to the touch. It's obviously the source of the energy signal, and we spend some time here, taking a look around. At least, I do. Jack's tense, senses alert, looking for any threat while I wander among various bits of equipment. I don't recognise much for sure, but there are several pieces that look familiar enough that I could guess they're body scanners of some sort – like MRI and CAT scanners on Earth. Without taking them apart, though, I can't tell what sort of imaging they're designed for.

There's another machine – it looks like some sort of strange shower stall with a round platform, no walls, and a canopy above. It's clearly made for a humanoid to stand in, but its purpose I can't even guess. There're also several banks of controls, and more ominously, a couple of beds complete with restraints, as well as some general surgical equipment.

I hear it the same instant Jack does – a sob of a sound, like an involuntary breath, and we both spin towards its direction. Jack indicates that he's going to go around to the left and that I should take the right. We creep forward, weapons at the ready, heading for a point between one of the larger machines and the outer wall. I'm on edge, ready to fire, nerves already taut from lack of sleep. When I see what made the noise, I freeze, conscious of just how close I am to pulling the trigger.

In front of me are two children. They look to be about ten years old and very alike – if I had to guess, I'd say brother and sister. They both have red hair falling in curls around round faces, and they look completely terrified.

"So, what do we have here?" Jack asks. He's wary; his eyes might be on the children but his senses are still trained on the surrounding area expecting a trap.

"Please don't hurt us," the girl whispers, pulling her brother closer.

"We're not going to hurt you," he tries to reassure them. "How about you take us to your parents?"

He gestures me to do another sweep of the room, and I come up empty. The children still haven't answered, so Jack suggests I try.

"Your parents? Mom and Dad? Mother and Father?"

"Mother and Father aren't here any more."

"Ok, any other adults. There must be other adults around!"

The reply is two heads being shaken.

"So, any more children?"

Another synchronised head-shake.

"You mean to tell me you two are all alone here?" Jack sounds exasperated, and I can see that his tone is making the children more nervous. Their reply is a definite nodding this time.

"What happened to everyone else?" I ask.

"Everyone except Wenda were taken by our God."

"Wenda?"

"She was supposed to look after us, but she … died."

"When?"

Two shrugs.

"Are you scared of us?"

They nod yet again.

I crouch close to them. "We're not going to hurt you," I reassure. "I'm Sam and this is Jack. What're you called?"

"I'm Shanna and this is Cal," the girl answers.

"Pleased to meet you both. So, what is this place?"

"It's where Mother and Father worked."

"Worked? Just them?"

"The Jaffa had to guard them, and other people, and sometimes Heka worked here too."

"Heka?"

"Our God." They look amazed that we haven't heard of him.

I turn to Jack. He grimaces.

"Probably not a God, kids." He turns to me. "You heard of that one?"

"No. Daniel could probably tell us, but looking around here, I'd say he's into medicine or something."

"Why did everyone leave?" I continue my questions.

"Our God took them."

"And why did you stay?"

"Because he wouldn't let Mother and Father take us. He said we had to stay."

"When? Do you know how long since your mother and father left?"

This time, the two children seem to have to look at one another for a few moments before they answer.

"Ninety-four days." The answer comes from the girl again.

I feel Jack relax behind me, and I instinctively do the same. I'm pretty sure the kids are telling us the truth, and so is he.

"So, where've you been living?" I ask.

"At home."

"And where's that? Can you show us?"

"Yes."

"What about Wenda? What happened to her?"

"One morning when we woke up, she wasn't there. We found her later … there was a flock of birds and they were … They flew away when we got close. There was a lot of blood."

"Ok, don't worry about that. We'll go to your house for now."

They both nod and get up carefully. I can't help wondering how these two have survived here alone and what necessitated two young children being separated from their parents. If I've felt alone on this planet with just Jack for company, how must they feel?

They move towards the edge of the village, beyond the buildings we've already checked out. It's identical to the other houses we've visited with one exception. It's easily the untidiest. Every surface in the main room is covered with empty food packaging that looks to have come from the store in the barracks.

Jack immediately goes to check the other rooms upstairs. The children actually look sort of relieved so I get down to their level to speak to them.

"So, this is where you live."

They nod again. "We're not going to hurt you, you know. We'd like to help, if we can."

The girl seems to believe that – at least partly.

"How about we start by cleaning up here?"

I'm hoping the normality of cleaning up will help them to trust us.

They don't speak, but each simply starts to gather things together. When Jack comes down just a few minutes later, we've already made a dent in the chaos, although we've still got a way to go. The tension in the room goes up a notch with Jack's reappearance, and he spots it.

"I'm not going to hurt you, kids."

"Really," I confirm. "I know he's kind of scary, but he only hurts the bad guys."

"You're not bad, are you?" he asks, taking his cue from me. His face serious but I can seem the humour in his eyes.

Two children shake their heads violently.

"That's what I thought. Ok, so it's clean up, is it? Let's get this straightened up, then maybe eat. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

And just like that, the tension's gone and we work together.

By the time the place is done, I've been able to do an inventory of what's here. There're some packs of unopened food, but not a lot. We'll have to check out the barracks' supply.

"You been getting the food from the barracks?" I ask.

They look confused. Maybe it's not a familiar word.

"The long building with lots of beds?"

"Yes. It's … we didn't want to steal, but we were hungry."

"Don't worry about it. How about we go and get some more?"

"I'll go with you," the girl, Shanna, answers. She's done all the talking so far. I wonder if she's the natural spokesman of the pair or whether there's a problem with Cal. Either way, I'm hoping to get a chance to chat.

"You ok with that, Cal?" I ask.

He glances at Jack as if making up his mind. He finally nods and Shanna and I leave the boys together.

There's definitely enough food here to keep all of us fed for a long time. I don't know what some of the foods are, but in my experience, the flavour of military rations doesn't bear any relationship to its supposed ingredients, so I don't suppose it'll matter. I help myself to a selection of various things, and, our arms full, Shanna and I make our way back.

"Cal doesn't say a lot, does he?"

"Not any more."

"He used to?"

She nods. I almost get the impression she's going to say more and then has second thoughts.

"You can tell me, you know? We might be able to help."

Again there's no answer. Still, I don't suppose I'd be any different in her shoes. Well, maybe I'd have been even less likely to open up.

Once back at the house, I offer the children their choice of food, and both choose quickly. I pick another pack of their choices for Jack and me, and stash the rest.

"There's a wood pile out back," Jack informs me. "Cal showed me. I got the stove going. They've been living on cold for weeks. Not allowed to light the stove." He smiles at that.

Later, we're seated around the table, a plate of some unidentifiable glop in front of each of us. My first taste confirms what I expected. It's vaguely like macaroni and cheese, so it's probably some sort of meat. We eat in silence.

When we've finished, we stay at the table.

"So, how old are you two?" Jack asks.

"Nine turns," Shanna answers. I make a note to find out how she defines a 'turn', but that's for later.

"And who lived here with you?"

"Mother and Father."

"And in the other houses?"

"Some people. They worked for our God, but most of them were empty."

"What about the barracks? Long building with beds?"

"Jaffa."

"And the lab?"

Shanna looks at Cal and I'd swear they're communicating. After a moment she speaks.

"The place where you found us?"

"Yeah," I encourage.

"That's where Mother and Father worked for our God. They didn't want to, but he said he would hurt us if they didn't. They had to … do things to people. They died."

"Do things? Experiments?"

"I think so."

"Do you know what sort of experiments they were doing?"

She shakes her head. "Mother and Father were really sad that people died."

"Sam?" Jack takes his eyes off the children for a moment. "Anything you recognised in the lab?"

"I'm pretty sure there were a number of different types of scanner, there was obviously equipment for some pretty advanced surgery, and there were some things I couldn't even guess about."

"What happened to everyone else? You said Heka took them away, but do you know why?"  
Again head shakes are our only answer.

"How about why they didn't take you?"

The same answer.

"Do you think Mother and Father are dead?" It's good to hear Cal's voice, even if it's only to ask such an awful question.

"I don't know," I admit. "I really don't know."

I know he was hoping for reassurance, and if there was any way I could've given that, I would have. He looks lost, and I can see tears forming in his eyes. I glance at Shanna and she's the same. Instinctively, I hold out my arms, and a second later, I've got an armful of two children.

"Sam," Jack interrupts. "I've got some … business … to take care of – checking out the rest of the village".

I suspect he's going to look for whatever's left of Wenda too, and I feel guilty. He shouldn't have to do that alone, but he knows I can't leave the children. I let it pass without comment. For now.


	5. Chapter 5

I finish the sweep of the remaining buildings. Nothing of note. I move to scout the outskirts of the village, and in the midst of a small stand of trees, I spot what was probably Wenda. There's not a lot of soft tissue left, but by the look of things, there was severe blood loss locally. I think she probably slit her wrists - there's a knife close by and unless I think the kids did it, that's the only option. I cover the remains as well as I can without actually burying her – not an option without a shovel. I use whatever I can find – some fallen wood, rocks.

Even that simple job leaves me uncomfortably hot, and I'm well aware that it's been too long since I felt clean. Even the prospect of a cold shower at the barracks sounds too good to be true. Actual clean, running water. And clean clothes. I head over there, even more surprised that the water's hot! Apart from size, there's not much choice in clothes. The pants are rough and a basic grey colour, and the tops include soft shirts and there're some jackets too. We've done what we can to wash our own clothes, but they've been getting progressively grubbier. And riper. Who knew there was something in all those laundry detergent ads? Twenty minutes later, I make my way back to the house feeling a whole lot better than I did.

I walk in to a surprise. Both children are asleep, cuddled into Sam as she sits on the narrow sofa. She looks uncomfortable but reluctant to move. It's quite a picture, and I almost wish I had a camera.

"You ok there, or do you want me to move them?"

She glares at me and I grin. I approach and lift Cal into my arms before carrying him up to one of the two bedrooms I found earlier, laying him on a bed and taking off his shoes before pulling the covers over him. I turn to find Sam approaching with Shanna. Once they're both settled, we leave them, walking back to the main room.

"So, clean clothes," she notices.

"Yeah, well, mine were ripe, but I can recommend a shower."

"Better than a stream," she says. "Still cold, though."

"Nope."

"Hot?" she asks, hopefully.

"Hot as you like. You should be able to find something to wear too – providing you don't mind dressing like me."

That gets a smile. She leaves at something approaching a run, and I settle myself to wait.

She takes longer than I did, but she's back within half an hour.

"Feel better?" I ask.

"Much. I don't know how the water's getting warm, but I'm not complaining."

"You mean you didn't take it apart to find out?"

She pointedly ignores that.

"Did you find Wenda, Jack?" she asks me a moment later.

"Yeah. I found her – or what was left of her. I think she slit her wrists, but those birds the kids spotted – they've stripped her clean. I covered her as best I could."

She shudders. "I would've helped …"

"I know you would. But there wasn't a lot I could do."

"You get anything more out of them?" I ask.

"Not really. They're nine turns, and from what they said about how they measure time, it'll be close to nine years – maybe a little over. They didn't want to talk much, and I didn't force it. We need to gain their trust. If the last person who had the job of looking after them slit her wrists … and they've had their parents taken from them … they don't have much reason to trust anyone."

"No, they don't."

"Look, Sam, why don't you go over to the temple, take a look around? We got sidetracked last time. Find out what you can about this Heka … anything. If there's something we can use to get off the planet – even better."

"What about you, Sir?"

"I'll stay close. I think someone should be around when they wake up."

"Yeah."

"Your radio battery still ok?"

"Probably getting low."

"Ok, switch it on but don't use it unless it's an emergency."

She's been gone ten minutes when I hear screaming from upstairs. I rush to the source of the noise to find Cal, apparently still asleep but thrashing and screaming. I sit on the bed and lift him into my lap, gently trying to wake him.

Once he's awake, he clings to me like his life depended on it and I hold him and try to tell him that everything's going to be ok. I feel like a fraud saying that but it's what he needs to hear.

Shanna seems to have slept through it. I can see her, lying on the other bed, with her back to us. I hear Sam come in a while later. She comes to the bedroom door, and I whisper, "Nightmare," at her. She goes to check on Shanna. As soon as she sits on the bed, the girl turns towards her, and she's shaking.

"Shanna, you're so cold!" Sam exclaims, trying to pull the covers over the girl. Shanna's not going to let go, though, so Sam kicks off the soft shoes she's found somewhere, and climbs into bed with her.

"Jack, she's like ice. I've got to get her warmed up."

"Need anything?" I ask, but even that hint that I might leave has Cal squeezing me tighter than before.

"I think she'll be ok," Sam answers after a moment. "She's getting warmer already."

We stay there for a while, and eventually, Cal's grip on me loosens.

"Feel like talking about it?" I ask.

He shakes his head, but then gives me a half-smile.

"How's she doing, Carter?" I ask.

"Warmer. How're you feeling, Shanna?"

"I'm ok now. Can we have something to drink?"

"I'm pretty sure we can arrange something," Sam tells her, getting up and slipping her shoes back on.

"That's not regulation footwear," I comment.

"No. They're pretty soft, though. It's just good to have a change from the boots for a few hours. I don't know if they've got them big enough for you."

We go back to the kitchen/living room/whatever and Sam sets about finding something for the kids to drink. I spend the time trying to calm myself. I've never been able to cope with seeing kids hurting. I don't know what caused what happened, but I'm pretty sure these kids have seen things they shouldn't have. And if that's true, then someone's responsible, and I want to hurt them.

When we're all sitting again, this time drinking some sort of tea that the kids showed Sam, I try to take things back to normality.

"So, what'd you find?"

"Pretty much what we saw last time. There's what look like various whole body scanners there, there's a range of surgical instruments as well as a whole lot of things I don't recognise stored with them, including chemicals and a couple of pieces of equipment I can't even guess at. I saw what I think's a computer, but the whole place is dead. I couldn't get anything to power up – couldn't even switch on the lights."

"I'm pretty sure I heard things humming this morning."

"Humming?"

"Yeah, you know that noise your machines make. Humming."

"No humming. And it was dark."

"We'll take a look later. I think we should base ourselves here, at least for today," I tell her. Truth is, I'm not sure that's a good idea, but I think the kids'll be better in familiar surroundings. "We can take the other bedroom, stand watch, at least for tonight. There're clean sheets in the closet."

There's one other thing I've got to do. So far, Carter and I haven't moved anywhere without our weapons, but that might not always be sensible.

"Kids, you know what these are?" I ask, showing them our firearms.

They shake their heads.

"They're dangerous. I mean it, kids. If I see either of you touching any of them …"

"We won't!" Shanna says quickly. She sounds scared again.

"It's ok," Sam tries to reassure her. "We just don't want you to hurt yourselves."

She nods, and I turn to Cal, to find him looking at me with big, blue eyes. He's nodding too.

"Longer term, it might be better to hide them," I suggest. "But for now, everything's kept on us. Ok?"

"Yes, Jack."

There's a flash of hurt in her eyes but it doesn't last. Understanding follows – not understanding of what I said, understanding of my need to make sure. Of course she understands. Just a few weeks ago she saw Charlie, or an image of him, conjured up by a crystal entity, and I'm sure Daniel told her what happened to him. I can't hold her gaze. There's sympathy there that I'm not ready for.

"Are you going to leave us?" Shanna says softly.

"No! No. We'll decide what we're doing, but there's no way we're leaving you kids alone. Got that? If we move on, you come too. And we're only going to move on if we think that's the safest option. Ok?"

They both nod, but I'm not sure they're convinced.

"You two feeling better?" Sam asks, as they finish their tea.

They both nod. It's mid afternoon, but I don't know what sort of hours they've been keeping. We need to give them something positive to do until dinnertime then get them packed off to bed again.

"Well, since we're staying for now, do you mind if I go and sort out the other bedroom? I mean, do you think your mother and father would mind?"

"No, they wouldn't mind." Shanna sounds certain.

"Good idea, Sam."

While Sam's gone, Cal seems to become a little more interested in talking, or at least in asking questions.

"Are there any Gods on Earth?"

"Earth? Sam told you where we come from?"

"Yes."

"No, not like you've known. You know Heka isn't really a God, don't you?"

Both children cower down, looking like they're expecting to be struck from above.

"I've said that same thing loads of times and I've never been hit yet!"

They gradually relax.

"No Gods?"

"Plenty of people who believe in Gods, but not the sort you're thinking of. No actual … physical presence, if you get what I mean."

"What about Jaffa? Are there any of them on Earth"

"Only one, and he's a friend."

"We've got a friend too."

"A Jaffa?"

"Yes. He liked playing with us when he could. Not when anyone else was around, though. His name's Char'ak."

"It's good to have friends," I approve. The idea of a second Jaffa who serves the Goa'uld without becoming like them makes me feel better. I know Teal'c wants to free his people, but so far, I haven't seen much sign that they want to be free.

When Sam comes back, she looks worried but just shakes her head when I question her silently. She took longer up there than I expected and I can't help but wonder what she found.

"What do you say we go and take another look at the lab?" I ask.

"If you like, but it'll be dark soon and without lights …" Sam doesn't seem too eager.

"The lights'll go on when we go in," Shanna tells us.

"Well they didn't earlier," Sam disagrees.

"No. Only some people can switch things on there. Mother and Father could, and so can we. Even Heka couldn't switch things on himself. He needed Mother and Father to work the machines – that's why he gave them a house to live in and let us stay with them. He used to threaten that he'd hurt us if they didn't work hard enough."

"Ok, let's go and see."

Shanna nods and all four of us walk towards the temple. As we enter the lab, the lights go on and there's a humming of equipment powering up.

"Wait! That didn't happen when I came here earlier. Shanna, Cal, can you go back to the other room please?" Sam sounds irritated.

The do, but the lights stay on and the hum continues.

"Maybe they're too close," she suggests.

"I'll go and take them outside," I offer, but as soon as I go through the doorway the lights go out. I walk back in. Sure enough, the lights go on again.

"What?" We look at each other in confusion.

"I'll send in one of the children at a time. You stay here," I tell her.

When we all gather again, Sam's looking confused.

"Looks like everyone can switch on the lights except me!"

"Doesn't matter. It's your job to work out if anything in there can help us. I need something to do too, even if it's only switching on the lights."

I grin at her, hoping she's not going to worry about it. As if that's going to happen.

"I just don't understand what's different. It's not a gender thing, or Shanna wouldn't be able to do it. It's not age …"

"You'll figure it out, Carter.

"Look, we could stay here now and try to figure something out, or we can go and play with the kids, take their minds off … things."

"We'll come back in the morning," she agrees.

"Good. I think it's time we taught these children how to play Hide and Seek."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"Sure it is. We'll just make some rules – no going inside for one. It'll be fun."

She doesn't seem convinced, but once we've explained the rules, it's obvious they've played before. I guess it's a simple enough concept to be universal wherever kids play. A couple of hours later it's already dusk and the children look flushed and tired. We go back to the house to eat and then we get the children showered and off to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time the children are in bed, I'm tired. It's been a difficult day – not as physically demanding as a full day of walking, but more emotionally draining than I want to deal with on a regular basis. I glance at Jack as he sits at the table, and it's obvious the day's had the same effect on him.

"So, what did you find?"

I knew he knew I'd found something, but I'd hoped to get the chance to tell him on my own. I slip my hand into one of the deep pockets of my pants and pull out a small notebook.

"I think it's Cal and Shanna's mother's diary."

"Where was it?"

"Under the mattress on the bed. I wouldn't have found it if I hadn't turned the mattress – she was doing her best to keep it hidden."

"And what does it say?"

"I haven't been through it yet. I started towards the end – wanted to see if there's anything about why everyone left."

"And?"

"And it looks like this Heka isn't as powerful as other Goa'uld we've met. He answers to another Goa'uld - Apophis."

"Shit."

"Yes, well, according to the diary, someone told them that Apophis found out about the research Heka was doing here, and he was interested. Heka knew he had to give Apophis something, so he cleared the site and took some of the information back to his master, but left the most valuable part here."

"The children?"

"Exactly. Well, them and probably the equipment too."

"But why?"

"I didn't get that far. Look, here're the most recent entries. The poor woman was distraught at the prospect of leaving her children here. She obviously didn't think Wenda was up to looking after them – something about what happened to her sister."

"And she was right."

"Yeah. Look, maybe we should start at the beginning."

"Normally a good idea."

I start to read the often scrawled writing. The first few pages deal with their arrival on this planet. She and her husband Jama are doctors. The society they came from sounds like it was technologically on a par with Earth and not controlled by the Goa'uld. The whole family was kidnapped, brought here and made to work for Heka because they had a specific attribute which allowed them to operate equipment that Heka himself couldn't.

I scan ahead, ignoring apparently unimportant information, eventually coming to a section where the writing's worse than ever. It's almost illegible, so I read through it silently, getting the gist before going back to the beginning. Except, once I understand what she's recording, I find I can't repeat it. There's a lump in my throat.

Jack looks at me in alarm, but I can't speak. I hand the diary to him, pointing to the section I've just deciphered. He starts to read, and by the reddening of his face, I can follow his progress.

Heka's first job for the couple when they arrived was to experiment on their children. Naturally, they refused, so Heka dragged in someone else. The man was a doctor, although he didn't have the attribute Heka valued. Heka demanded that the man take organ samples from the children, and, while the parents were restrained by Jaffa, they watched while their daughter was strapped to one bed and their son to another. The 'doctor' then proceeded to biopsy various of Cal's organs without using anaesthetic. He screamed until he lost consciousness, and by the sound of it, that took a while. Shanna apparently went rigid and cold, but remained silent. When the procedure was over, and the boy was left bleeding, Heka used some sort of hand device to heal the boy and then gave his parents their options. They could either do as they were told, or the procedure would be repeated on their daughter. If they agreed to do it, they would have the option of administering anaesthetic – a concession that would apply to all future subjects. They agreed.

"Bastard," I hear Jack mutter, and I can only agree.

"Jack, that's what the nightmare's about. Cal's screaming, and Shanna … she was rigid and so cold. She's remembering it. His screams must set up the memories for her."

"Yeah," he agrees. His face is bleak. "Should I go on?"

I manage a nod.

He does as I was doing, scanning over the less important entries, and reading others aloud. The point of the work was to find a way to artificially make others like them – to give others the ability to operate the lab equipment. Heka believed that the lab belonged to a race that was long dead. They had keyed the use of the equipment to an attribute which few humans had. The two doctors believed it was something in the basic makeup of both them and their children that was responsible for the difference.

"It's genetic," I realise. "It must be a specific gene … both of the children's parents have it, and so do you. But I don't."

"Could be," he agrees.

"But that … if both parents have the gene, it's possible one of the children has two copies. Logically, it might be Shanna – if the gene's on the X chromosome, she could have inherited it from both her parents. If the gene's rare anyway, it must be incredibly rare to have two copies, and that might be significant."

"Then why leave both of them here?"

"I don't know. And I don't get why it's so important. I mean, it's interesting and all, but it's circular – using equipment in the lab to try to create more people who can use the equipment in the lab? It doesn't make sense."

"I don't know, Sam. Unless … What if these people, the ones who built this equipment, were also responsible for that thing – the one that Daniel didn't want to leave behind. The reason we got stuck here. If they were so advanced, who knows what else they've got?"

"And if it was keyed so that only their own kind could use it …"

"We could be talking weapons."

"You're right. That's what Heka wants. He answers to Apophis. If he had access to weapons and could be sure no one but his followers could use them …"

"That'd be one hell of an advantage. If the weapons're powerful enough, it could completely change the balance of power!"

"He might want to take one of the children as a new host once they're old enough. Or …" There are a lot of possibilities, but without more information, all we can do is guess.

I sigh, suddenly feeling very tired. Jack spots it, and gestures towards the bedroom.

"Go and sleep. I'll take watch and read a bit more. We're going to be busy tomorrow. If the kids are valuable, we'll be sitting ducks when the retrieval team arrives."

Of course, he's right. Looks like sleeping in an actual bed isn't something I'm going to get used to.

"Yeah. Good night, Jack."

I leave him to read, but sleep doesn't come quickly. The Goa'uld are evil. I know that. But reading a mother's account of what they did to her child … I feel sick. The only positive thing is that, now we know the cause of the nightmares, we might be able to, if not help, at least not do any harm. What they experienced though, they need proper professional help. And all they've got is us.

When I relieve Jack, everything's still quiet from the children's room. I take up the journal and continue to read.

There's reference to a 'gene manipulator' in the diary, and from the description of having a subject standing in the unit, it might be the shower stall thing I spotted. Unfortunately, every attempt led to the death of the subject, and they sound like pretty unpleasant deaths. Looking at the comments, it seems that most of the subjects were female, which agrees with my suggestion that the gene's on the X chromosome and implies that there's an advantage to be had by having two. What it is, either Shanna's mother doesn't know it or she just doesn't say.

There are frequent entries about how Heka threatened the children because there hadn't been enough progress. How could those people work like that? And even as I ask myself the question, I know the answer. They did it because they had to. They did it to save their children, and to ensure that those who were used for the experiments suffered as little as possible.

There are repeated references to someone in the diary. None of them are direct, but they're often the source of information on Heka's motives and plans, and sometimes just comments on the children enjoying someone's company. I assume they refer to this Char'ak the children mentioned to Jack. Whoever he is, he's obviously done his best to minimise the suffering of the family while constrained from doing more.

The children waken shortly after daybreak, and I start finding something suitable for breakfast. I was getting sick of fish, but right now, I officially wish Jack would go fishing today. This … stuff … it's honestly even worse than our own MREs.

Jack appears a little later, looking like he hasn't slept much more than I did. The diary's back in my pocket, and it'll stay there until I get somewhere else to put it.

As we finish breakfast, we plan the day.

"We've got two priorities," Jack begins. "First, we need to get anything useful from the lab. The other priority is to scout out a base. It needs to be close to the village, but it also needs to be secure. We need proximity because this place might yet give us a way off this planet."

"And it's where Mother and Father will look for us," Shanna reminds us.

"Sure, honey. If they come back and it's safe …"

I don't finish the thought. If the twins' parents come back and to reunite the family would result in the children going back to being experimented on, I can't believe that any parents would choose that option.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Jack warns. The children don't seem to understand the significance, but I know Jack and I're on the same page.

"Sam, you ok to take the lab? If there's anything useful there, you're more likely to spot it."

"Sure, Jack."

"You'll have to have one of the children with you in the lab, but one can come with me if you like. What d'you think, kids?"

They look at each other, and I'm sure they're communicating.

"I'll come with you," Cal tells Jack.

"You ok with that, Shanna?" I check.

She nods.

The most interesting thing in the lab soon turns out to be what seems to be a computer system. Thinking it might be a source of all sorts of useful information, I concentrate on that, but to my irritation, the operating system's in a language that I don't recognise. I'm not an expert in Goa'uld, but I've picked up enough from Daniel and Teal'c to know what isn't it. I spend some time accessing files at random, hoping to pick up some pattern. When I finally find something useful, it's not what I was expecting.

It's a pictorial representation of the planet from space – at least, that's what I think it is. The picture is being updated regularly – several times a minute, and if I'm right it's an early warning system – giving notice of approaching ships.

"Shanna," I ask, taking her attention from the book she's been reading since I got involved with the computer. "Do you remember hearing an alarm? Something that told people there was someone coming?"

She thinks about it for a moment. "Yes. Whenever it went off, the Jaffa used to rush around getting everything ready in case it was Heka. And Mother and Father used to get scared."

"Scared?"

"That it was Heka. Sometimes it was just Char'ak, and that was good."

"He's your Jaffa friend?"

"Yes. He used to play with us sometimes when Mother and Father were busy."

"This alarm, how loud was it?"

"Loud."

"Here, or outside the village."

"Loud here. Not too loud at the house."

"Thanks, Shanna. That gives me something to think about."

We've got two radios. They're both just about out of power, but the computer's obviously powered. If I can link one radio into the power source here and leave it on transmit, and if I can find a portable power source for the other one … I didn't bring all my gear here this morning so any investigation's going to have to wait. Still, now I know what I'm looking for …

I continue my random search, but unless I either find some files written in English or something in pictures, the computer's going to be useless.

"Shanna, how did your parents record their results? Did they use the computer?"

"No. They used to write notes, but they took them with them."

"Thanks, Shanna."

I randomly search a little more, but I'm ready to give up. I can't even make sense enough of the operating system to know what I'm looking at. I glance over at Shanna, who's gone back to her book. I suppose it's been necessary given their recent lives, but she's been so good.

I'm about to go and investigate the 'shower stall' thing, when I hear footsteps, and a moment later, Jack and Cal appear. As soon as Shanna sees her brother, the book's forgotten and there's that look they both get. I glance at Jack and see he's spotted it too. He shrugs to tell me we'll talk later, and I nod in agreement.

"So, what did you find?"

"We found a good spot," Jack announces. "Close to a small lake, it's only about twenty minutes from here. It's pretty defensible if it has to be, and we can easily rig it up so you could walk past it without spotting anything. We'll start moving some stuff this afternoon and sleep there tonight. That ok?"

The kids don't look too happy.

"Shanna, Cal, do you want Heka to get you again?"

"No," Cal concedes. "But Mother and Father …"

"I'm sure they wouldn't want you with Heka either. If there was some way to get you back to your parents and keep you safe … but …"

"Mother and Father would want us to be safe, Cal. Even if it meant they couldn't see us again. And if we weren't there, Mother and Father could refuse to work for him any more."

I nod sadly at Shanna. For her age, she's got a remarkable maturity.

"You ok with that, Sam?" Jack asks.

"Yeah," I agree. "I'll feel safer. And, if I can find a way to rig up an alarm from here, I'll feel safer still."

"Alarm?" he asks

"Yeah, take a look."

I navigate to the early warning system and show him. "Shanna thinks it's got an auditory alarm system; I'm pretty sure I could rig something up with our radios so we could hear it if we're within radio range."

"What about power? The batteries are just about out."

"That's the problem. The one this end should be easy enough, but I'll have to think about the other one."

"Ok, think while you're eating. I think we should have some lunch and then we're going to sort out what supplies we take with us. We can come back easily enough, but we need to have enough supplies that we can lie low for a few days if we need to."

And so we go to eat, Jack's eyes darting around the house, no doubt mentally listing what we need to take with us.


	7. Chapter 7

Truth is, my mind's only been half on finding us a suitable camp. Every time I look at Cal, I can hear him screaming during his nightmare and see Sam trying to warm Shanna. Now I know the reason. I understand the pain. I remember it. Things I thought I'd put behind me. Memories that belong to that other Jack O'Neill – the one who had everything and lost it all. My own stupid fault, most of it. Never could back down from a challenge. Back then I thought I was invincible. Hell, we all did. Telling me it was a suicide mission just gave me an extra reason to try it, to prove I was better than they thought. I didn't care enough about Sara or Charlie to realise what I was putting her through – even though she didn't know the half of it. I couldn't tell her what I was doing and most of the time I wouldn't have wanted her to know. And when I finally realised I wasn't immortal – that they could hurt me, kill me -- it was too late. Sara was so used to me locking her out that she couldn't really help me. And then, when Charlie died, I switched off everything I felt, and tried to drink myself into oblivion. If it hadn't been for Abydos …

Reading the diary left me feeling sick. That someone could torture me, a grown man, a soldier, is bad enough. Torturing children so you can get their parents to co-operate? Makes anything I went through pale into insignificance. I understand the nightmares. I've had enough of my own.

I just wish the kids had someone better than me to help them through all this. Going through that and then having their parents taken away? Thank God they've got Sam too. Maybe her … innocence … might help them. That's how I see her - innocent. Not as a child. No, not that innocent. Hers is more the innocence of most good, decent people. She knows there's evil in the world, even seen it first hand, but it's not a part of her. It's just … a bit like Daniel … she thinks the best of people. She brings out the best in people. I've seen too much horror to be like that. Done too many things the wrong side of the line. Maybe, Sam can give them something back – I hope so.

Sharing the worst of that diary with her helped. It grounded me. Probably saved me the pain of hitting something very hard. Like a wall. Reading the rest alone was almost harder, even though the worst entry was already covered.

Getting back to the girls makes it easier to put the horror out of my mind. I keep things light while we eat, chatting about things I enjoy – trying to explain hockey to the kids. And that's hard when they've never seen ice. Once we've cleaned up, I send the kids to pick up some personal things while I go over to the building we've dubbed the hospital. I spotted some rubber sheets there, and I pick up several. First job's going to be to make the place weatherproof, and they'll come in handy for that. It won't be ready for tonight, but we've still got the tent, and it'll be big enough for two kids and one adult. We've seen very little rain since we got here, if you ignore that first night, and I'm hoping our luck'll hold until we've got the shelter complete.

When everything we need is gathered in the kitchen, we each pick up as much as we can carry, and Cal and I lead the way.

It's a site I would've chosen for its position even if I hadn't spotted the combination of some huge rocks and a large thicket. Sam and I start to build the shelter, almost without needing to discuss the detail. The basics are all there, and the footprint determines the design. When we've got it laid out, we all head back and haul another load. By the time we get back to the village for the third and final load of the day, it's time to eat, so we have a last meal at the house before getting rid of evidence of recent occupation. When we're ready, it's already getting dark. It all took longer than I'd estimated, but there's a full moon so we should be ok.

"What's that?" Sam asks, and I freeze. I follow the direction she's looking in and see a light in the distance that definitely isn't a heavenly body. The light's coming from the space between the barracks and the temple/lab.

"I'll check it out," Sam offers. I nod agreement, telling the kids to stay put while I follow behind Sam and then take position where I can see her without moving out of sight of the kids.

She returns a moment later with a grin on her face.

"What?"

"It's a light. It's built into the wall in such a way that you'd never know it was a light unless it's on. During the day, it must just look like a part of the decoration."

"And you're interested in Goa'uld architecture now?"

"Jack, it's a solar powered light."

"And?"

"And if it's got a solar cell, we've got a way to power the other radio."

"Ah. Good."

"I thought so. But I'll need daylight to get at it."

"Right. Let's get out of here. We'll come back in the morning and you can tinker all you like."

By the time we've got this latest load stowed, the kids are tiring. We set up the tent, and they both crawl in, not even bothering to undress before going to sleep. Sam and I risk a small fire. We're in a natural hollow, and the dry wood doesn't create a lot of smoke. Once the kids're settled, we chat. We're not back to the ease we had before the kiss-that-wasn't, but the kids've given me something else to think about, taken my mind off the fool I almost made of myself. It's like we've got a mission again, and I know how to do that, and so does she. It's simpler this way and I can almost ignore the way she makes me feel sitting so close.

"Think he'll have the nightmare again?" she asks. I don't know why she thinks I'll know.

"Don't know. I'm just surprised he can sleep at all."

"Yeah."

She takes a deep breath, changing the subject. "You've seen it too, haven't you? The way they seem to … shut everything else out. It's almost like they're communicating."

"Well, twins and all that."

"Jack, I've seen twins. I was friends with identical twins at school, and they were close, but this is different."

"Actual communication? Seems unlikely."

"Does it? Jack, I don't know how many times I've had to reassess what I think of as unlikely these past few years. I can't explain a whole lot of things that I've seen happen."

"We could ask them," I suggest.

"Probably should," she agrees. "When we get a chance."

"Tired?" I ask, spotting her yawn.

"You think?" she grins at me.

I don't want her to go. I'm enjoying her company again now that the worst of the awkwardness is gone. And tonight, chatting with her gives me something else to think about – something to take my mind off the image of someone cutting into a child. But I can't tell her that. She needs to sleep so I can lie awake later.

"Good night, Sam."

"Good night, Jack."

She crawls into the tent, and I'm left alone to contemplate too many horrors, this latest one just serving to remind me of others I thought I'd buried, at least while I'm awake.

When she relieves me, I decide not to disturb the kids, instead dragging a couple of blankets into our shelter, incomplete as it is. Not for the first time since we got here, I wish I had some beer. Something stronger even. Something to stop me thinking for long enough to get to sleep. Funny that. I accuse Sam of thinking too much, but then that's because I understand what it's like. I try to take deep breaths, working to relax my body, and doing my best not to think.

It's dark, but I know they're coming for him. I can hear him screaming and realise I'm too late. I follow the sound, desperate to get to him, but the sound's reverberating around me and every direction I choose is wrong. Fury and frustration fill me, clouding my mind, confusing me. He screams again – this time it's loud and long and I know I'm too late. I hurry towards the sound in time to see him lying there, blood flowing freely from the hole that obscenely mars his body. Charlie's dead and I rush to him, holding his lifeless, bloody body in my arms as I scream.

I hear her voice over my own screams, trying to tell me it's ok. At first I think it's Sara and I don't understand why I can't see her. And how could it be ok? Charlie's dead, and I look at his body and realise there's more than a single gunshot wound visible. They hurt him, cut him, took bits of him. I pull back a bit, looking at the devastation on his skin, but it's not him. It's my body I see, shallow cuts covering my chest and stomach, the agony continuing as I see the face above me, showing me the knife as he moves lower, grinning as he sees the fear in my eyes. My arms are restrained and there's not a damn thing I can do beyond watching the knife as it moves towards my skin, knowing what's coming making the anticipation an agony in itself, and as the knife reaches me, I feel my fist contact something, and it makes no sense. If I'm restrained, how did I do that? The sound doesn't make sense either. It's a soft, surprised gasp, not what I expected at all.

I open my eyes. My body's still shaking, and I'm damp with sweat despite the chill in the air. And then I see her. Sam. Rubbing her shoulder.

"It's me, Jack. You were having a bad dream."

"Shit. Did I hit you?"

"Yeah. But hey, I've been hit before. No damage done."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I … "

"It's ok, Jack. You were caught up in the dream. I get it."

"No, Sam, you don't. It's been a while since I've had one like that, and I put Sara in the hospital that time. I hurt her. Don't do that again!"

Fear's giving way to anger. I can feel it bubbling up, almost a blind fury. What if I'd hurt her badly?

She turns away, and I know I've hurt her, upset her. I take a deep breath, desperate to control myself.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I … just …. You scared me. I could've hurt you. And there's no hospital here to put it right."

"It's ok, Jack. I'll know next time, keep my guard up."

"Sam, I mean it. Next time, poke me with a long stick."

She's looking at me, and I know she can see that I'm still shaking – partly with the fear of what I almost did, and partly with the still fresh memory of the dream.

"I'm fine, Sam. Just give me a minute and …"

"Jack, you're not ok. I'm not stupid. Lie down."

And my resistance crumbles and I do as I'm told. I lie down, and she lies beside me, an arm over me. We're both dressed, but it feels too intimate, and I try to pull away.

"Go to sleep, Jack. It's almost daylight, and the kids'll be awake soon. Sleep while you can."

"They're probably awake and shaking in their beds, wondering what sort of nutcase they've gotten landed with."

"Believe me, they're still asleep. You weren't that loud. Now you sleep too."

And it feels so damn good. Just having her hold me like that feels impossibly right. This isn't me. I don't do needy. I keep it together despite everything. But God, it feels good, and I don't have the strength to do anything about it.


	8. Chapter 8

I know I got off lightly when Jack hit me. His aim was blind, and although he contacted my shoulder, I was so off-balance that all it did was knock me over, and since I was already crouched down, I didn't even have far to fall.

He wasn't loud. He never is when he dreams, and I've heard a few nightmares in the months I've been on his team. But there was something about tonight that I instinctively recognised as being worse than usual. There was a panic that I've never heard before. Maybe he'll tell me about it later, or maybe he won't even remember. I force him to lie back down and put an arm around him. He resists at first but then his resolve seems to crumble and he falls into a deep sleep. Jack O'Neill in a panic just seems wrong. It doesn't seem to matter what you throw at that man, he holds it together, and yet I know that hearing about what happened to Cal has affected him far more deeply than was obvious while he was awake. Maybe the boy reminds him of his son – not physically – Charlie was taller, his hair straight and sandy rather than the definite red of the twins. But age-wise, Cal's probably close to Charlie's age when he died.

When I'm sure he's asleep, I get up again. I'm still supposed to be on watch, and I'm pretty sure that the kids'll be awake soon and I want to make sure they won't disturb Jack at least until I've got breakfast underway.

Sure enough, the smell of breakfast finally rouses him, and he emerges looking tired. He won't hold my gaze, and I know he's embarrassed by what he sees as weakness. I leave it for now. It's not a conversation to have in front of the children anyway.

"When do you want to go back to the village?" he asks as he finishes eating.

"Soon as we can. I'll need to get some things from my pack, but I'll be ready in a few minutes."

"Ok. You take one of the kids, go into the village and see what you can do. I'll tidy up here then follow you down. There's a stream closer to the village, and I was thinking of getting us some fish. We can decide what to do after that. Ok?"

"Sure," I answer. "Which of you kids wants to come with me today?"

They do that looking at each other thing again.

"Shanna," I start, not waiting for an answer to my original question. "Are you two … talking to each other?"

"I didn't say anything," she counters.

"I know you didn't. But I get the feeling you two don't need to use your voices to talk."

She immediately looks worried, and I put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her.

"It's ok, Shanna. I'm not angry or anything. I just want to know."

She doesn't speak, and I glance at Jack. He's holding Cal's gaze and I see the boy nod.

"You communicate in your heads," Jack says softly.

Cal nods again, this time more definitely.

"Wow," I reply. "That's …"

He shakes his head. "Sometimes it's a good thing, but sometimes … it's not."

"When? When isn't it good?"

"When someone hurts one of us, we both hurt."

I feel that statement like an icy fist in my stomach. That explains Shanna's reaction. She's not just remembering what she saw and heard, she went through the original experience with him, and she probably shares the nightmares with him in a very real way. But they don't know we know about that, so I can't say anything for now. I hope they'll be able to talk about it to us at some time, but they're not ready yet.

I try to lighten things, hoping to get the conversation onto something happier.

"But when something good happens to one of you, you both feel it too."

"I suppose," he agrees, but in a tone that tells me it's been a while since there's been much positive in their lives.

"Can I go with you today, Jack?" Shanna asks, and the abruptness of the return to the original question makes her discomfort even more obvious.

"Sure you can," he answers. "That ok with you, Cal? Keep Sam company?"

"Yes. I want to see what she's going to do. It sounds interesting."

"You think so?" he asks, obviously surprised.

The boy nods, and Jack just raises his eyebrows at him.

SSSSS

In the end, the hardest part of adapting the solar cell in the light turns out to be finding a way to get it off the wall. That takes over two hours with the simple tools I've got, during which time I'm pretty sure I've bored Cal to tears. Once I've got the unit, I take it back to the lab and lay it out on a handy bench. I don't recognise the materials in it, but the basic layout makes the purpose of each part obvious. The light collecting surface must be many times more efficient than the best solar collectors we have on Earth. It's well charged already, and when I measure its output, I quickly realise that with a few minor modifications, it'll power the radio easily.

I'm not expecting the other part of the job to be so straightforward. The first task's going to be to open up the computer unit. That takes twenty minutes, and inside, the only familiar parts I can see are the crystals which resemble ones I've seen in DHDs. I start taking measurements, trying to find a combination of positions that'll give me an output close to what I'm looking for. After an hour, all I've achieved are some minor burns when I accidentally touch a charged crystal with my fingers. Fortunately, that mistake doesn't seem to do any harm, although it does alarm Cal enough that he moves further away so I can actually move around to get a better angle on what I'm doing.

Even though I'm working, most of what I'm doing is a question of trial and error – it doesn't actually take a lot of thought. So of course, my brain's working overtime. I'm thinking back to last night and how good it felt to hold Jack. Since we've been here, I've been all too aware of how much I need him. He's got way more experience of survival than I have and he's got a confidence that made all the difference to me in the first few days after we got stranded. Last night, for just about the first time, he seemed to need me and it made me feel so much better. I'm used to being a member of his team, being able to contribute to the team effort. But here, that's been getting harder. Knowing how much I need him was making me feel weak. If he can admit he needs me too, if he can show me how to be strong for him when he needs it … that's going to make it easier for me to open up to him too. And God knows we both need that.

When Jack finally appears, I'm still a way from achieving my aim. I pull myself out of the bowels of the machine to see him looking a lot happier than I left him.

"How y'doing?" he asks.

"Getting there," I answer. "I can get the mobile unit working pretty fast, but this bit's going to be harder."

"Ok. Well, I've got some fish. It'll take me a while to get it ready for cooking, so I thought I'd leave Shanna here with you. Give me half an hour, and I'll get them cooked. Ok?"

"Sure, Jack."

"Half an hour, Sam," he reiterates. "Why don't you give one of the kids your watch, show them when you need to move. I know you. You'll forget the time."

I almost say something I shouldn't, but I know he's right. If I find I'm getting somewhere, I will forget the time. I sigh, and take my watch off, telling Cal when to call me, and crawl back into the machine. I needn't have worried, as I've still got nothing when the time's up.

Lunch is good. Jack cooked the fish and supplemented it with some of the blander ration foods. The kids don't seem too sure at first, but then if they've been living on tasteless, texture-less glop for a while …

"How long have you been here – this planet?" I ask, realising that while I've read their mother's diary, I don't know what time scale we're talking about.

"About two turns," Shanna answers. "We were seven turns when we got here."

"How did you get here?" Jack asks.

"We were on a spaceship, and then there were rings, and we were here."

Well, that's clear enough.

"So they came by ship. I suppose there wasn't much chance there'd be a second gate on the planet," Jack mutters.

"If there were, it'd have the same address, so there'd be no point, and I'm not even sure how it'd work." It's not something I've considered before, but that much is obvious.

"So, where does that get us?"

"Well, the only way off this planet is by ship."

"Which we'd already guessed. Ok. So now we know what our options are. If Heka sends someone back for the twins, that's our way off this planet. Our only way."

"Yeah."

"How big was the ship that brought you here?"

The children look confused by the question.

"Was it as big as your house? The lab? Bigger? Smaller?"

"It was bigger than the lab. I think it had lots of floors and they were all bigger than that, but we didn't see very much of it," Shanna answers.

"That's not good," Jack concludes. "A ship that big … we better make sure we've got surprise on our side."


	9. Chapter 9

We spend the afternoon in the village. Sam's trying to get one of the radios powered by the computer, and while one of us has to be with her, I give the kids turns coming with me while I check out the place for anything else that'll be useful for our camp. We manage to score a couple of small, low tables and I gather a couple of changes of clothes for each of us from the barracks as well as a further supply of food. I'll be fishing, and I might even have some success with trapping, but this food's got the advantage of keeping forever and being simple to prepare. If we've got to lie low, it'll make things easier.

When I'm ready to head back, I take Cal into the lab with me to find Shanna crouching near the computer and all that's visible of Sam is her six, her front half reaching into the casing of what she assures me is a computer.

"You girls ready to head back?" I ask, trying to look at Shanna instead of Sam.

Sam answers, but her words are so muffled I don't catch them.

"What was that?" I ask.

"She said 'Five minutes'," Shanna translates for me.

"Is that a real five minutes, or Sam Carter's definition of five minutes?" I ask.

I see her start to move then, and when she emerges, the sight just makes me smile. She's got a screwdriver between her teeth, and I don't think I've ever seen her hair look less in control. It's been getting longer since we got here, and the shaggy look she's sporting now is different. And sexy. And I shouldn't be thinking that. I could swear there's an oil streak down one side of her face, but it could just be dust.

"I mean five minutes. I'm almost there, Jack. And if I can finish this end now, I can work on the receiver back at camp. We might even have our warning system up and running by tonight."

"Good, Sam. That system might make the difference to us getting off this planet."

She crawls back into the small space beneath the computer console and I drag my eyes away from her retreating rear. I've got it bad. The novelty of having the kids around has gone, and I'm right back to thoughts of her. What she did last night didn't help. After not touching her since our … incident … everything's been brought right back to the front of my mind. I don't want to need her. But I can't help myself.

Almost true to her word, ten minutes later, Sam emerges and closes up the panel she'd removed.

"That's it. It should pick up most sounds in this room, so even if the alarm's been disabled, if anyone comes into the lab, we should pick up the sound to some extent. We're good to go."

"Glad to hear it," I smile at her. "Good work, Sam." She's looking pleased with herself and it's good to see. I don't think I've seen her this animated since we left our seaside cave. At least there, she was trying to come up with scenarios to get us home. Since then, she hasn't had a proper project to work on, and now she's had a success. Not that I'm lacking in that myself. If I do say so myself, our camp's pretty much perfectly situated, and while there's still work to do there, I think it'll do just fine. In fact, I'm planning to spend some time there tomorrow so I can get some traps made and set.

The evening's fun. I leave Sam to her attempts to adapt the solar cell to the radio while I get the kids involved in preparing and cleaning up after the meal. From there, I get them to tell me about games they remember. Their early childhood seems to have been almost earth-like. They're pretty vague on how they ended up being chosen by Heka, but their original planet wasn't controlled by the Goa'uld.

I listen to their descriptions of games, trying to think of ways we can play them here. One or two of them only require simple props, and I'm fairly sure I can rig something up with some thought. Our conversation's interrupted by Sam's whoop of delight.

"Success?" I ask.

"I think so. Of course, without anyone being in the lab, it's hard to tell for sure, but I think that's it."

"We'll check it out tomorrow if you like," I tell her. "Late tomorrow, maybe? I want to set some traps in the morning. That ok?"

"Sure," she agrees. "If it doesn't work, I don't know what's wrong with it anyway. And late tomorrow'd be good because I definitely want a shower, and it's time the kids got clean too."

I know she's right. We should've done something about that today, but there were too many things to do and not enough time without having one or other of the kids in tow. Despite the fact that they survived here without us for three months, I don't like the idea of either of them not being with one of us. Overprotective? Probably. It's not like I did a good job of fatherhood before, and these kids've already had more to put up with than any child should.

"Ok," I tell the kids. "Bed time."

For the first time since we met them, they fight the idea. I take that as a good sign. Maybe they weren't sleeping a lot before we arrived. Who knows what sort of hours two kids their age'll keep without an adult to prod them in the right direction.

Despite their protests, Sam and I get them settled in the tent. I know from the looks she's giving me that she's going to want to talk about last night, and I'm wondering how to avoid it. Of course, there's no way I'm going to.

As soon as we're sure the kids are asleep, she goes quiet, no doubt wondering how to broach the subject without making me angry. I decide to save her the trouble.

"I'm fine," I announce.

"Jack?"

"You heard me. I can see the wheels turning in your head. I had a nightmare last night. I know that. I could've killed you when you tried to wake me. I'm glad I didn't, but next time, keep your distance, ok?"

I know my voice is hard and my tone ungrateful, but what else can I do? I don't want her risking herself again. And I can't bear to admit how much I needed her last night.

"You're a selfish bastard; you know that, Jack O'Neill?"

Anger - not what I expected. She's right, though.

"Never claimed otherwise."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"You don't get that you don't have a choice. We're stuck here, Jack. Whether you like it or not, we're all we've got. We need each other. Unless either of us likes the idea of being alone here, or maybe worse, being alone here with two vulnerable children, we need each other. Pushing me away isn't going to work. I need you to be ok. For the sake of my sanity, I need you to be ok. And if there's something I can do to make sure you're ok, then I'm going to do it. For my own, selfish reasons if nothing else. So, don't cut me out because I'm not going to let you do it."

"That's quite a speech," I tell her.

"Yeah, well, I've been thinking all day."

"I thought you were busy with the radios."

"I was, but I was thinking too, and don't change the subject."

Foiled. "Ok. I get it. You're not going to let me … what?"

"I'm not going to let you deal with the nightmares alone. Our survival here depends on both of us being at our best."

"I'll be fine, honest, Sam."

"Well, maybe I won't be." There's a break in her voice that I hardly recognise.

"What?"

"Jack, with all due respect, we need each other. We've got to accept that. I … I'm not good at needing anyone either. I've spent my whole adult life determined to show anyone who was interested just how little I need other people. And that was fine when I was surrounded by familiar people, by the trappings of civilisation. But all that's gone, and I won't let you shut me out, because if I do, I won't be able to turn to you when I need to."

"Sure you will," I try to reassure her.

"No, Jack. Unless it's mutual, I won't. So, don't tell me about the nightmare if you don't want to, but don't tell me to leave you alone when you have the next one. It helped when I stayed with you last night, didn't it?"

I look at the ground for a long moment before glancing up at her face. She looks even younger in the firelight, despite the determination I see in her eyes.

"Yeah," I admit. "It did."

"Good," she sighs. I don't think she expected me to admit it. Her whole body seems to slump then, and I realise just how upset she was.

"You really have been thinking about that all day, haven't you?"

"I really have. And now I'm exhausted."

"Go and sleep then, Sam."

She nods, getting up and approaching me. She kisses me on the forehead.

"Goodnight, Jack," she says softly.

I reach for her hand and squeeze it. "Goodnight, Sam."

I sit and watch the flames of our fire. I know exactly how she feels now. She … cares about me at some level, but her main motivation is the knowledge that she needs someone. She wants to be there for me, but not the way I want her. There's no reason she should feel the same way I do – I'd be more surprised if she did. But last night I could almost believe that she wanted to be there for other reasons. I've fallen hard for the only woman on the planet, the woman I might be spending the rest of my life with. And she needs me; just not the way I need her.


	10. Chapter 10

I still can't believe I spoke to him like that. I made it clear to him that I wasn't going to let him avoid me. If he needs me then I'm there for him. If there's one thing I know about Jack O'Neill, it's that he doesn't want to need anyone. So I had to do something, if only for my own sanity. And if I implied that was the only reason I cared, then that was simple self-preservation. Maybe I even got out of it with my dignity intact. I love him, but I know he doesn't feel for me what I feel for him. Or at least, he doesn't now. Maybe with time … Or maybe in time I'll be so desperate that I'll accept a one-sided relationship. Maybe then, but not now, not yet.

We might have a way off this planet, and that means we might have a way home. I know there are regulations that prevent us from having a close relationship. What I don't know is how they'd be applied to our current situation. The reg.s assume people who're MIA are either injured or taken prisoner on Earth. And in either case, there's a chance of getting home. If we lose that chance … if we believe that we're stuck forever, if General Hammond believes that we're beyond rescue, well, the reg.s just aren't intended for people who're healthy and free, but just trapped somewhere. There'll come a time when our status will have to be changed. We can't be 'missing' forever. A decision will have to be made that we're effectively dead so that the legal system can take care of things like my house. I know sometimes people are missing for a long time – prisoners of an enemy that won't admit to having them. I'm confused. And thinking about it isn't helping at all.

It's surprising how quickly things have become routine. We're spending less time in the village than I would've thought, and more of our time close to camp. Our shelter's been complete for a week, and it's actually quite comfortable inside. We still haven't had rain to check its weather-tightness, but looking at the cloud building this morning, it might not be long.

I think talking to him helped. He had another nightmare last night, and this time, he accepted my presence without complaint. The twins had one of theirs the night before, and that makes me suspect that Jack's being more affected by them than he's admitting. Their nightmares seem to bring his demons to the surface.

During the day, we spend some time providing for ourselves. We're back to eating the fungus as well as fish, and as of yesterday, Jack has had some success with trapping the rabbit-like animals that seem to be universal around here. He's teaching the children to fish too, but so far, he's avoided letting them watch while he guts them. After what they've experienced, he just doesn't want them to see it. We're using the meals from the village too.

So far, there's been no obvious sign of seasonal weather, but then I wouldn't expect much in the time we've been here. Ernest didn't seem big on wearing clothes, so I assume it hasn't been too cold, but we never did ask him about the weather. Then again, it does get fairly cold at night, so he must have had some way of keeping warm.

The radio system's working well. We tried it out the day after I finished rigging it up. Whether the alarm works we've no way of knowing, but we should hear any evidence of the lab having visitors.

We've planned what to do when we know we're not alone on the planet. Our weapons have been buried close to our camp, but we can get to them quickly. We intend to leave the children in a secondary hiding place closer to the village while Jack and I take the measure of the force. That's the big uncertainty here. If a ship is sent to just pick up the twins, it might be small and only have a few troops with it. If the plan is to reoccupy the village, there might be too many for us to take, even with the element of surprise. Either way, we've got a contingency, and now it's a question of waiting.

The children make it easier. If it was still Jack and me, all alone, I would've crumbled by now. I know I would. But they need me. They need us. Sitting each evening, before they go to bed, one or other of them almost always seems to end up sitting close to me, and I've found an amazing peace in just running my fingers through the curls both of them have in abundance. I've got very little experience of children, and I admit that I would've suspected kids of that age – especially boys of that age – would avoid contact like that. If anything, Cal's the needier of the two.

Not that I'm the only one who gets to cuddle with them. They've taken to Jack too, apparently accepting both of us in our role as surrogate parents. Of course, they both desperately want to be reunited with their mother and father, and while, for their sake, I hope that's possible, I know that I would miss them both terribly.

The site of our camp is lovely, and I know Jack feels comfortable here. The lake in particular seems to allow him to relax more than I've ever seen. Sometimes, in the evening, he tells me about his cabin in Minnesota and how this place reminds him of it in some ways. I like listening to him when he's willing to talk like that. It's the only time he shares something personal with me. In all other respects, he's been much more distant lately. He'll accept comfort after a nightmare, but only just. I don't suppose I'm any better though. I'm just terrified that if I share anything personal with him, the way I feel will be all too clear. There's a torment in what I feel. I'm physically close to the man. I see him daily in something approaching an intimate, family situation. He's not my CO in any real way and we each depend on one another – we're a partnership with the aims of keeping two deserted children safe and if possible, finding a way off this planet and eventually home. And yet I can't have what I want. I could probably have some of it. I suspect that Jack finds me attractive enough to sleep with me, and maybe if we're here long enough, I'll settle for that, but feeling the way I do about him, that's not enough. If I can't have his love, if all I can hope for is to be a stopgap until he can get back to Sara, then I don't want anything more from him.

SSSSS

When it happens, the alarm sounding in the middle of the night, it's partly a relief and partly something to be regretted. As agreed, Jack goes to take up position closer to the village while I gather up essential belongings and the children and take them to the agreed hiding place before joining Jack.

"What've we got?" I ask.

"Just one ship," he tells me.

"You've been to the lab," I accuse him. That wasn't part of the plan.

"I had time. We'll be in trouble if we take a landing craft only to find there's a mothership in orbit."

We don't know what to expect – whether someone will ring down or if a ship will land. In the end, we watch a small ship land just south of the village. Four Jaffa exit the ship and split up, two making directly for the children's house and two for the lab. Looks like they know the children's habits. It doesn't take long before it's obvious they're not there, and a house to house search is instigated. When they realise the whole village is deserted, we get a surprise. One of the Jaffa stands there in the middle of the village, calling to the children.

"Cal, Shanna, it's me, Char'ak! I know you're scared. Wenda, wherever you are, I'm here to take the children home."

I freeze. I know the children consider Char'ak a friend. But surely they wouldn't listen to him. I take a second to signal my intention to Jack and make my way to where I left them.

I'm too late. Before I can reach them, I see two figures running towards the Jaffa. When I realise what's happening, I move back in the opposite direction, running fast and low towards Jack's position. We didn't consider this possibility. If Char'ak had come alone, then I could see the children going to him and maybe then, we'd have to trust their judgement. But Char'ak's not alone, and the idea that they'd trust a group of Jaffa simply hadn't occurred to us.

Jack's face is a picture of frustration. "For crying out loud! What are they doing?"

"I guess they trust him more than we thought."

"Crap! If they use them as shields, we'll never get a chance."

We watch silently while the children appear to be talking to the hulking Jaffa. A short while later, we hear his ultimatum.

"Show yourselves. If you don't, I'll have no alternative but to hurt the children."

Jack and I glance at each other.

"You won't hurt them. They're too valuable," Jack yells back.

"Too valuable to kill, perhaps. But I can do a lot of damage that won't be fatal …"

Jack's face clenches with indecision which seems odd because I already know what his decision will be. He looks at me and shakes his head.

"You ok with this, Sam?"

"No choice. We can't let him hurt either of them."

We stand and raise our arms before slowly making our way to the waiting Jaffa.


	11. Chapter 11

Why didn't I think of that? Why would I think they'd trust us more than some Jaffa who's played with them a few times? I knew they liked him, but …They're too young, too naïve to know who they can trust. I'm berating myself as Sam and I walk towards the assembled group. Except … if it'd been me, I'd have disarmed us already. Sure, our hands are up and they could kill us before we could reach them … probably. And the children are behind Char'ak – again, if I was using them as a shield, they'd be in front.

I'm just starting to get a better feeling about this, when Char'ak turns and blasts one of the other Jaffa and in the ensuing chaos, Sam and I manage to get off shots at the rest. A moment later, it's just Sam, the kids, Char'ak and me.

"What the hell's going on?" I demand, my weapon still aimed at him.

"Shanna tells me you have taken care of them since your arrival."

"And?"

"And the children do not wish to see you hurt."

"Ah, good. But …?" I gesture the Jaffa he killed.

"Why did I turn on my own kind? You humans believe Jaffa are evil. It's not true. We are enslaved just as humans are."

"Yeah, we know."

"Then why does such an act surprise you?"

"Because it's not often you see a Jaffa turning on others."

"And I would not have done it in this instance if there had been any other way to save the children from Apophis."

"Apophis? I thought you were Heka's goon?"

"Goon?"

"Never mind. I thought you worked for Heka."

"Apophis saw fit to destroy Heka for deceiving him."

"And now you've what? Gone freelance?"

He gives me a look that's so like Teal'c that I realise again how much I miss the big guy. I try again. "You're independent now then?"

"You clearly have no understanding of the Goa'uld. I now owe my allegiance to my new lord, Apophis."

"And yet, it looks like you've just killed some of his Jaffa."

The look he gives me shows extreme irritation.

"Are all humans so stupid? Jaffa must owe allegiance to a Goa'uld. To be independent is to bring down the wrath of all Goa'uld System Lords. And, as a trusted Jaffa, I have the opportunity to retrieve the children."

"So, you gain their trust and just hand them over?"

"I have no intention of handing them over. It is my intention to hide the children. Apophis does not know of their existence, although he does know of the research efforts on this planet."

"So, what've you got in mind?"

"You do not ask about my plans for you and the woman?"

"I was getting to that."

"I will consider what to do with you. In the meantime, we must leave."

The kids have taken the chance to snuggle with Sam while Char'ak and I've been … chatting. Seems the Jaffa can do games, but maybe he's not much into snuggling. Then again, snuggling with Sam has got to beat the best the Jaffa can offer any day.

"You ok with that, kids?"

Shanna and Cal nod, grinning at me, and then I glance at Sam. She seems ok with the idea too.

We approach the ship, the children moving ahead of us. Without warning, I hear something and I'm hit by … something. The pain is agonising, and I feel my knees buckle under me. Just before I lose consciousness, I hear the same sound again, and I know they've got Sam too.

I come to, finding myself lying on a metallic floor. I've been disarmed, and I glance around, spotting Sam, still unconscious beside me. I pull myself towards her, not yet trusting my legs. I feel like I've just had a major electric shock, and apart from the pain, my reflexes are shot to hell.

To my relief, she's breathing, and I take a further look at our surroundings. We're in a small section of what I assume is the ship we saw. It's probably around a quarter of the size of the whole ship. Decoration is typical Goa'uld.

Sam moans quietly, and I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Take it easy, Sam. Don't try to sit up too fast."

She ignores me, lifting her head and then dropping it back to the floor.

"Where are we?"

"On board the ship, I think."

"The children?"

"Not here. If those bastards've hurt them …"

"The children are well," a disembodied voice informs us.

"What'd you do to us?"

"You each had a single shot from a zat'ni'katel. While painful, the effects are temporary."

"Why?"

"I did not believe you would give up your weapons voluntarily."

He's right.

"So, you're not alone." Well, he didn't shoot us.

"You are correct. I have my brother's son, Bar'ak with me. It was he who shot you on my signal."

"So, going to let us out of here? I'd like to see the kids are ok."

A previously invisible doorway opens in one wall, and two children come bounding towards us.

"You both ok?" Sam asks as Cal hugs her.

"Did he hurt you?" I check with Shanna.

"No, silly. It's Char'ak!"

I roll my eyes at Sam.

"So, what did you call it? That zat gun … thing?"

"A zat'ni'katel. You are not familiar with such a weapon?"

"Nope. Can't say I am."

He walks back through the doorway, and Sam and I get up carefully to follow. The other Jaffa is sitting in what I assume is the pilot's seat. He's got a ball-shaped control under his hand, and we're definitely not on the planet any more.

"What're you going to do with the children?" Sam demands. "You said you weren't going to take them to Apophis."

"I did. Apophis does not yet know about the children, and I intend to keep the information from him."

"You didn't answer the question," I remind him.

"He's going to take us to Mother and Father," Shanna tells us.

Char'ak approaches Shanna, one large hand lighting on her shoulder.

"I am sorry, Shanna, but that is not possible."

"But … I thought …" Cal's eyes have already filled with tears.

That's why they ran to Char'ak.

"I know I promised to return you to your parents one day, and I will, but now it is not safe."

"I think it's time you explained what's going on," I demand.

Shanna looks angry and I can't blame her.

"Your parents are on a planet which has long been loyal to Apophis. He wishes them to return to the laboratory as soon as he has completed his current business. To take you to your parents would be to deliver you to Apophis – something I have sworn I will not do."

"So what are you going to do with them?"

"I plan to leave them with … friends."

"Friends? Jaffa?"

"No. Humans. I believe they will look after the children well."

"This place you're taking them. Does it have a Stargate?"

"It does not."

"And what do you plan for us?" I demand.

"I have not yet decided. I must first understand more about you. Your weapons are not familiar to me, but I believe they are like those used when the First Prime to Apophis betrayed his God."

"And?"

"Are you from the Tau'ri?"

"What if we are?"

"How did you come to be on that planet? Did your ship crash?"

"No ship. We arrived by Stargate."

"But there is no Stargate on that planet. That is why Heka was able to keep his research there secret from Apophis for so long."

"Believe me, there was a Stargate. Not any more, though."

"Explain."

"We arrived during a storm. The DHD … the thing that you put the address into? It was broken. We had to dial manually, using an electrical storm for power. The rest of our group got home but we didn't make it. The storm destroyed the gate and that's it. We were stuck."

"It is not possible that a gate would have been undetected for so long. The Goa'uld have the ability to detect a gate from orbit."

"It was there."

"Jack, you remember I told you that the energy field from the lab just suddenly appeared?" Sam's excited about something.

"Yeah."

"What if there was a … dampening field in the area. That … repository that was there. What if the people responsible for it wanted it to be hidden from anyone other than the races who met there?"

"Repository?" Char'ak questions.

"Some … knowledge base. It projected things on the ceiling. Last time we looked, it had fallen into the sea."

He's looking at us, trying to decide if he should believe us. Shanna's come back again, and she worms her way under my arm. I don't even realise I'm doing it at first, but I start stroking my hand through her curls. Despite everything, I feel myself relax a little. I don't think Char'ak intends to harm the children.

"So, you are of the Tau'ri? What do you know of those who stole away the First Prime of Apophis?"

"That … would be us."

"You did this thing?"

"Well, with some help. In fact, Teal'c was with us before we got stuck."

"If you are those Tau'ri, you are in great danger. Apophis has promised a generous reward to any who will bring you before him."

"Is that what you're planning?"

"I would consider it, but I believe it would upset the children. It is a pity. Such an action would enhance my position of trust within Apophis' service."

"Well, thanks, I suppose. But it doesn't answer the question. What're you going to do with us?"

"I believe it would be best to leave you with the children. The … friends I mentioned are aging, as humans do. They would, perhaps, wish to have help to look after the children."

"I've got a better idea. Why don't you drop all four of us at a convenient Stargate and we'll take the children home with us."

"You would do this? What would you gain from such an action?"

"We'd know the children are safe," Sam tells him.

He shakes his head. "I cannot do as you ask. Planets with Stargates are normally defended by a powerful Goa'uld, and all of them in this sector are heavily guarded. This ship is old and the nearest alternative is too far away. I must return to Apophis within a short while or he will know that I have deceived him. I think you must remain with the children. They seem to have formed an attachment to you and that will ease their transition into their new life."

"And that's it. We don't get any say."

"As you say. That is it."

The children greet that news with smiles, and it seems we can't do anything about it anyway, so …

"We'll stay with the children, then. But promise us something. If you can … you know, sometime you're in the area … pick us up and take us to a Stargate…"

"I do not believe such an opportunity will present itself."

It's later and the two children are asleep, one each side of Sam, as she sits against the wall. We've talked among ourselves, and given the circumstances we're ok. I leave the others and go to where Char'ak has taken over control of the ship. Bar'ak is in the back chamber kelnoriming. Time to get some answers.

"So, you two," I ask. "Why aren't you convinced that the Goa'uld are all-powerful Gods?"

"My Jaffa master taught me thus. He dreams of the day when the Jaffa will be free of Goa'uld domination."

"Your Jaffa master, eh?"

"Master Bra'tac was also the master of Teal'c. Although I have never met him, I know that Bra'tac considers him as a son."

"Wait a minute. You answered to Heka; Teal'c was First Prime to Apophis. How come you had the same Master?"

"Heka was a minor Goa'uld. He remained alive only because he played two System Lords, one against the other. With Ra, he discovered the laboratory of the Ancients. He deceived Ra, keeping the research for himself. Apophis used Jaffa to keep Heka under control, and in that way, to remain aware of Ra's intentions. He did that by training Heka's Jaffa in the hope of making them loyal to him."

"Doesn't seem to have worked too well."

"Master Bra'tac is cautious. If he openly revealed his beliefs about the Goa'uld, he would be betrayed. Those few Jaffa who he trains and who he deems trustworthy, are taught the truth. Three such are Teal'c, Bar'ak and me."

I'm not sure I should believe him, but so far, he hasn't done anything to hurt us, apart from zatting us. And I would've done that if I'd been him. We're probably lucky he had a weapon without a long term effect.

"So, how're you going to keep Apophis from finding out what you did? You've left some bodies back on that planet – if he's going to reoccupy it, they'll be found."

"You are incorrect. The zat'nik'atel with which I incapacitated you has other uses. Two shots kill the victim while three disintegrate them. There is no remaining evidence of either them or the children on the planet."

"Neat," I approve. "So how're you going to explain the fact that you … lost them?"

"I will tell Apophis that they were killed by another System Lord. I understand enough of Goa'uld politics to know which to implicate so that the story will be believed without challenge."

"I can go for that," I agree. Stirring distrust among the Goa'uld – you've got to approve of that.

I take a look at Sam, two children cuddled into her and it warms my heart. "You ok with this, Sam?" I ask.

"Yeah. We'll be ok," she tells me.

I know she's right. For a while there I thought we'd found our ticket home. We haven't, but at least things are looking better than they were. The kids are safe for now, and I've still got her in my life. Not the way I want her, sure. But I'm pathetic enough to be willing to take her any way I can get her.

Looking at the picture of Sam with a child curled into either side of her, I'm almost entranced. It's a different side of her. I'm used to the soldier and the scientist, and the woman, well, I spotted that part. This aspect – the mother – is something I never associated with her, and it gives me ideas that I have to push away. Nothing's changed. O'Neill, just leave it alone.

Char'ak has just finished making some adjustment to our course, and he calls me over.

"When do we get there?" I ask.

"A few hours."

"So, who are these friends you plan to leave the children with?"

"Evan and Carys are good people. I believe they will supply all of you with shelter."

"I hope you're right."

"In any case, the children believe you will care for them. They told me they like you, and they are not children whose trust is easily gained. They have seen too much death in their short lives. It is the Jaffa way to face life as a series of battles to be won, but it is not what their parents wanted for them. It pained them both that they did not have leisure to spend with the children, doing things that they enjoyed."

He looks at me, his dark eyes taking a good look at me.

"Rest, O'Neill. And take heart. The planet to which we journey is a good place. It will be possible to make a life there. But you will need to be vigilant. It is of little interest to Apophis, but it is part of his domain, as are all worlds in this sector. It will be necessary for all of you to become members of its society. For that reason, I will not return your weapons or any other equipment you have brought with you."

I know I don't like the sound of that. There's a reason we go to new worlds fully armed, and this … just sucks.


	12. Chapter 12

Char'ak's friends turn out to be a couple, easily old enough to be Jack's parents. I don't know how he thought they were going to cope with two children, but I instantly feel at ease with them.

They live on a farm some distance from the nearest village. We approach under cover of darkness, Char'ak leading the way. Once inside the house, it's obviously comfortable but basic. There's a large kitchen that seems to be the centre of everything, with a huge wood-fired stove and table dominating the room. Benches flank the table, and there are several other, softer looking chairs to one side.

Char'ak is warmly welcomed and quickly explains the reason for his visit. I feel better about Char'ak now I've seen his welcome. These look like good people and they trust him, although I suspect I might feel happier if I knew what he'd done to inspire that trust.

Char'ak leaves quickly, needing to fabricate evidence for his alternative story. That leaves us, two USAF officers, two children and two kindly strangers, to decide how to proceed.

"You're all very welcome here, aren't they, Evan?" the woman – Carys, Char'ak called her - asks her husband. He doesn't speak, just nods pleasantly.

"Do you often have to take in people Char'ak brings?" I ask.

"No, but it's good to be able to repay his kindness. Many turns ago, he was charged with harvesting Goa'uld hosts from my world, and the Jaffa under his command took me. I was taken to a planet far from home and stripped, ogled like a piece of meat. They … showed me to one of the snakes – but I was rejected, as were most of those offered. Heka ordered us all killed, but Char'ak managed to sneak some of us away; the others died. Some time later, he was able to bring me and one other to this planet where Evan's family took us in. The other girl – Morwen, died of a fever a short while later."

She pauses, maybe gathering her thoughts before continuing.

"A year later, I was bonded to Evan and I have been here ever since. I owe Char'ak my life and my happiness. Char'ak has saved others too in the years since then, although he hasn't left any others in this village. He visits sometimes. He is a good man, and he is tormented by the evil things he has had to do to maintain the position of power that allows him to help some."

"So this planet belonged to Heka?" Jack asks.

"It did. Not that he bothered us other than when he sent his Jaffa to collect a portion of our harvest. Maybe once a decade to look for hosts. And now, we're told that Heka is dead and that our true God is Apophis! Stuff and nonsense!"

"I like your style," Jack comments with a smile of approval.

I glare at him, but he shrugs. "Saves us having to explain."

"We appreciate that you're willing to take us in," I tell the couple. Gratitude seems more than appropriate, and to be honest, it's a relief to have another human adult – a woman – to talk to. Not that I haven't enjoyed my time with Jack, it's just … well … nice.

"And how could we turn our backs on the four of you even if we didn't owe Char'ak a debt of gratitude? So. Tell us your story. How do you come to be with Char'ak, and what of the children?"

Cal and Shanna seem to have become almost invisible during the conversation. They're probably tired. Their night's sleep was disturbed by the alarm going off, and while they did sleep on the ship, I doubt their sleep was restful.

"We'll tell you our story, but is there somewhere the children can rest? They've had a traumatic time lately, and …"

"Of course, of course. What am I thinking of? Are they hungry? Would you like something to eat, children?"

They both shake their heads, but she doesn't seem convinced.

"I've got fresh bread and honey," she coaxes, and Cal's face splits into a smile.

A short while later, thick slabs of home-made bread are spread with sweet honey, and everyone has a mug of some sort of tea as we sit around the huge table. When they're finished, Carys shows us all upstairs to a large bedroom. Inside, there're three beds – the room apparently set up for a family.

"My daughter and her family use this room when they visit, but we don't expect them for a while," Carys explains. "You should be quite comfortable until we can make more permanent arrangements."

"It's lovely, Carys," I approve.

"You get the children settled and then come down and I'll make some more tea. You can tell us a little about yourselves before you sleep."

"Thanks," I tell her.

As soon as she's gone, Jack starts arranging things. The sight of one double bed gave me a start when we came in, but after a quick look around, Jack comes up with the obvious solution.

"You ok to share with Shanna?" he asks. "Cal and I can take the singles. I'd share with him, but if I have a nightmare …"

"Sure. That's fine," I agree.

The children don't make any objections either and in a few moments, they're both in bed.

Once downstairs and over fresh mugs of the fragrant tea, we tell Carys and Evan the short version of our story.

"And you can't get home?" Carys shakes her head in understanding.

"Not without a Stargate," I agree.

"That sounds to be a wondrous thing," Evan comments, letting us hear his voice for the first time. It's deep and warm and suits the man perfectly. He's not particularly tall, but he's barrel-chested and muscular despite his age, which I would estimate as over seventy. He's quite a contrast with Carys, who's small and slight and moves surprisingly quickly for a woman of her age.

"Oh, it is," I agree, remembering my own thoughts the first time I stepped through the gate.

"And you've been caring for the children since you came across them?"

"Well, we couldn't leave them behind," Jack answers.

"I'm glad to hear that, but it's a sad fact that some could have done just that." Carys' voice is thick with disapproval.

"So, as to where we go from here. You're welcome to use the room upstairs for now. And we can always use some extra hands around the farm, if you don't mind hard work."

"Sure," Jack agrees. "You're ok with that, aren't you, Sam?"

"I'll be pleased to do whatever I can."

"We'll talk about details in the morning. For now though, we need to give you a story. We don't often get visits from Jaffa, but it could happen, and with Apophis taking over, well, you never know. Heka himself never came here – he just sent some Jaffa to collect the harvest each year, and they were never concerned with the people, as long as they got what they came for. However, they were often willing to reward people for information on anything they considered to be subversive, and there are people who'd sell their own grandmothers if they could benefit from it. We need to give you a story that'll hold up to at least casual questioning. Evan, your cousin over in Merradoc's got sons Jack's age, hasn't he?"

"He does. And no one around here knows him at all."

"Merradoc's a good journey from here – takes about three weeks to get there, so we don't see those folk often. It must be, what? Twenty years since Morgan visited. We can tell people you're his son, and you of course, Sam, are bonded to him."

"Bonded?" I ask. That sounds a bit like enslaved to me.

"Bonded," Carys confirms. "Like Evan and me. A man and a woman who have promised to share their lives."

"Er, no," Jack says. "We … worked together, before we were stranded here. We're … friends."

"Friends?" she says, and there's a hint of disbelief in her voice. "This could be a problem," she admits.

We have to wait a short while before she continues.

"Single women on this world have a difficult life unless they are under the protection of a man – father, brother or bonded partner. They cannot own property, and they cannot earn a living, at least, they cannot be paid in the normal sense. If they work outside their home, their earnings are passed directly to whichever man has responsibility for them. It's only when they're bonded that women here have a significant measure of freedom, and only then if they're bonded to men such as Evan who genuinely wishes things were different. I assume it's different where you come from."

"No. At least, there are some parts of the world where there's something like that, but where we come from, women are equal to men. I'm used to looking after myself."

"That won't be possible here. Especially with you, Sam. Your colouring is so unusual here that you're bound to attract attention. You could live here with us, but as long as you remain single, you will be sought as a mate – a woman of your age is rarely allowed to remain unbonded for long. There is a shortage of women here – and those considered 'too fussy' in their choice of mate are sometimes forced to choose. It would be better if you were to pretend to be bonded to Jack – safer -- and it would allow you both to remain with the children. Unless you find that prospect distasteful?"

"Distasteful? No! I suppose, it's no different from what we've been doing since we found the children – living as a sort of family." I glance at Jack, wanting to make sure he feels the same.

"Sure," he agrees. "It sounds sort of like with the Shavadai – on a planet we visited a while ago. Sam ended up being sold against her will, and I'm not going to let something like that happen again."

He smiles at me, no doubt going for reassuring, but I tense. The memory of Turgan's too fresh, and that incident came way too close for my liking. The prospect of living on a world with a similar attitude to women makes me uneasy. He must see that I'm not happy with the memory because he quickly backtracks.

"It's important that we're both there for the kids – at least until they're settled."

"Good," Carys approves. "Once you're here and see how things are done, you can reconsider that decision."

"We'll worry about that when we have to," I decide. "It doesn't seem like we've got a lot of choice. So, Jack and I will pretend to be … bonded. What else do you recommend?"

She pauses again, perhaps trying to get back to the previous subject.

"Very well, we could tell people that the children belong to both of you, but with that colouring of theirs, I don't think anyone will believe they're Jack's. Since they've got parents elsewhere, it's probably safer to stick close to the truth, and say that they're … Sam's late sister's children - poor orphaned souls that you and Jack've taken in. And, Jack, your family don't approve of you doing it and they were making things difficult for you in Merradoc so you decided to come over here and start again."

"Is that likely? That my family would object to something like that?"

"Very likely. Paternal lineage is important in our society. For a man to raise children not his own is considered to be an insult to his family."

"Are you ok with this?" I ask Carys and Evan. "It looks like we're breaking a lot of rules. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Evan and I are … known for our disapproval of some of these customs. I'm not a native of this planet. My childhood was spent on a world with very different rules. When Char'ak brought me here, Evan's father protected me until I became bonded to Evan. The rules of this society are hard on women – especially those who grew up without such strictures." She gives me a sympathetic smile. She really does understand how hard this is going to be for me.

"Is the history agreeable?" Carys asks.

Jack and I share a look for a fraction of a second. Then I drop my gaze, not able to bear his scrutiny.

"Yes," I tell her, sounding more confident than I feel. I hear Jack echo the agreement.

"Good," Carys approves. "Now, I think it's time Evan and I got some sleep."

"Yes," I agree, taking the hint. "We should …"

"Don't worry about being up early in the morning. I'll be here even if Evan's already at work. I can show you round, and we'll work out what else we need to decide."

Jack and I both get up, and Jack approaches Carys, his hands taking hers.

"Thank you. Both of you. I hope you never have reason to regret your kindness."

"We'll be fine, Jack," Evan answers for both of them. "And don't thank us too quick. There's always more work around here than there are hours in the day. You might regret agreeing to any of this."

We both smile at him. I'm pretty sure he's right and that there's a lot of work to be done, but I'm equally sure that Jack and I are up to it.

Jack delays going upstairs, and I'm changed and in bed by the time he arrives. He snuffs the candle before getting undressed and climbing into the other single bed. We've been occupying the same sleeping space for so long this shouldn't seem odd, but then again, circumstances up till now have required that only one of us sleep at a time. Despite the children sleeping in the room with us, this seems oddly intimate, but before long, exhaustion takes over and I fall into a deep sleep.

I'm pulled awake a short while later by Cal's screams. I'm temporarily confused by the unfamiliar room and the almost total darkness, but vaguely remember a window close to my bed, and I reach to pull the curtains. That lets in enough light that I can at least see shadows, among them the unmistakeable sight of Jack making his way to the screaming boy. As I return to bed to check on Shanna, she instantly grabs me and pulls me towards her. As before, she's cold, and I wonder that it didn't wake me. As I'm trying to warm her, my hands running up and down her arms, I see Jack holding Cal in his arms and hear him murmuring unintelligible comfort at the boy.

It takes a while, but gradually, Shanna warms up and Cal seems to be happy to lie back down again. Jack remains sitting on Cal's bed, stroking the boy's forehead, and soon I know Shanna's asleep and suspect Cal is too. At last, Jack gets up and goes back to his bed.

"You ok?" I whisper.

"Yeah," he answers, but there's a measuredness about his tone that tells me more than the word ever could. He's angry. Not at me or at Cal, but at Heka or whoever's responsible for leaving children with memories like those that trigger the nightmare. I recognise it for what it is because I feel pretty much the same thing.

When I waken next morning, Jack's already gone. The children rouse when I get up, and we dress quickly and go downstairs. Carys is in the kitchen, and she quickly starts serving bowls of some sort of porridge.

"Jack's gone for a walk," she explains when I look around the kitchen. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, we did," I answer, not mentioning the nightmare because I don't want to remind the children. She nods, then gestures me towards the stove, leaving the children sitting at the table.

"Bad dreams?"

"You heard."

"Hard not to. You calmed them pretty quick though. Who was it?"

"Cal. I'm sorry. It's not the first time," I answer. The children seem to be too busy eating to pay attention to what we're saying.

"Don't worry about it. Poor children – I think they've had to cope with too much in their lives already. It's just good to know that they've found someone to take care of them."

"Pity they couldn't have found someone better."

"Better? Why would you say that? They're very fond of you and Jack, and while they're awake, there's no sign of their bad experiences. You're doing fine and I've rarely seen a man so comfortable with children as Jack is."

"I know what you mean," I manage before I hear footsteps that announce his arrival.

I take my bowl from Carys, Jack takes his and we sit at the table. Carys joins us, a mug of something in her hand.

"I've looked out some clothes for you all. If we're going to pass you off as coming from this world, what you're wearing will have to go. I'll leave them upstairs and you can see what fits. I lit the boiler in the bath house this morning, so there'll be hot water for baths if you like."

"Thanks, Carys, that sounds great."

The bathing facilities are pretty basic – literally a large tub and a fire to heat water pumped by hand from a well, but it's every bit as welcome as I thought it would be. I supervise Shanna's bath and Jack, Cal's, and soon we're all dressed in clothes that're going to take me a while to get used to.

The guys have pants and shirts, and apart from the fact that the shirts seem to be button-less and inclined to gape rather lower than usual, at least it's familiar. We girls, on the other hand, have dresses with tied openings. Unlike Carys' dress, mine only comes to mid calf – something that she apologises for.

"I'll make you a dress as soon as I can. None of the ones I have are long enough."

"This is fine, honestly," I disagree.

"Around here, you're right, but if you want to go into the village, you'll need something longer. I know it's not what you're used to, but if you don't want to stand out, you're going to have to dress according to our rules. Now, shoes. Those boots will have to go, and I don't have anything in your size. Do you have anything else until we can get something made?"

"Some soft shoes we picked up where we found the children …"

"They'll have to do, Sam. Jack can continue to wear the boots, though."

Jack glances at me to gauge my reaction. He grins at me, and I get a strong urge to hit him.

"How am I going to be able to help out on the farm dressed like this?" I ask Carys.

"Oh, you won't be working out in the fields – at least, not most of the time. There are lots of other things that need doing. You'll probably find some of our ways strange, but you'll soon settle in."

I glare at Jack again, daring him to smile. He seems to have realised the danger he's in, because he avoids looking at me.

"How about the kids?" he asks.

"There's a school in the village – we'll leave it for now, at least until they're comfortable here, and you'll have to teach them your history too. We can get them enrolled later. Now, first thing I want to do is show you around."

We step out of the farmhouse to a sunny but not particularly warm day. By the looks of the trees, it's summer. The farmhouse and the nearby bath house are the only stone structures I can see. The yard around it is dirt, and close by there are a number of buildings – some no doubt for storage or housing animals, but three look like cottages.

"The first cottage over there is where my son Rhys and his wife Mared live. They've got two children – not too far from your age," she tells the children. "You'll meet them all tonight. I'll do a welcome dinner later. I've invited them and Bryn too. He lives in the furthest of the cottages. The one in the middle can be yours, but it'll need some work. Come and take a look."

We make our way across the yard, and I'm really missing my boots. The cottage is dark inside – the windows small and not letting in a lot of light. The ground floor is a single room, furnished simply with a table and some chairs, a stove and a surface with a basin. No water pump in here, although there does seem to be some sort of drainage. In one corner, an area is curtained off. I take a look and find a large bed frame.

In the middle of the room, there's a ladder that leads up to a loft. We climb up there, leaving Carys below.

"I can't manage ladders any more," she explains. "But there should be bed frames for the children up there and some storage. Check out the roof while you're there. I'm pretty sure there was a leak at one time, and Evan's been meaning to get it fixed, but he's not so good on ladders any more either."

Sure enough, the two small beds up there have been pulled to one side. On the other side, there's definite evidence of water leakage. The whole place smells damp, and I screw up my nose.

"It'll be fine, Sam," Jack concludes. "I can fix the leak, and once we've got that stove running, it'll dry out fine."

I shrug. There's a lot more needed than just the roof mending. The beds will need mattresses, pillows, linen and blankets and kitchen's going to need pots and pans and dishes and …

"Don't worry, Sam," Jack says as he puts a hand on my shoulder. "Carys said we can stay with them until we're ready to move. It'll take us a while to work out how to do things here, but we'll manage."

I wonder for a moment how he knew what I was thinking, and conclude that he was probably thinking much the same thing.

We make our way down the ladder to where Carys is waiting.

"Talk to Evan tonight. He'll tell you where to get materials to mend the roof. Now, my grandchildren will be home from school soon, and I'm going to go and make some lunch. Come and we'll eat. Then, if you like, the children can play together, and Jack, if you could chop some firewood, I'd be very grateful. Sam, there's a whole lot of work to be done to get dinner for everyone, and I'd like your help. Is that ok?"

"Fine," I tell her. "But … I'm not much of a cook."

She shrugs. "Can you follow orders?"

"Pretty much," I admit.

"Then we'll be fine."


	13. Chapter 13

I'm in bed when disappointment hits. When we realised that the children were valuable and that someone might come for them, we both saw our way home. Not that that was all good. Do I want to go home? Hell, yeah. Do I want to go back to just being Sam's CO? No. Definitely not. Here, I'm important to her – more than just her CO. She needs me. I think maybe that's what she was trying to tell me after that nightmare. She doesn't want to need me, but knowing that it's mutual makes it ok. Almost. Because whatever I've got, I want more.

I like Evan and Carys. I decided that immediately. They're simple, uncomplicated people and they've been willing to open up their home to Sam, the kids and me. And looking around, I reckon we could make a life here. The only problem is with the having to pretend to be married thing. Because it's too close to what I want. And what do we do when she finds some youngster she wants to be with? I'll have to step aside and let him have her, and it'll kill me. A bridge to be crossed later. Much later, I hope.

After eating, I spend several hours chopping firewood. I don't think Carys actually intended me to do that much, but Sam's busy and the kids are playing. I can see them from where I'm working. Carys' grandchildren are a boy and a girl - Nye and Gwen, Nye being a little older than the twins and Gwen a year younger. So far, they're getting on well. Sure, we played with them when we could, but kids need to be with other kids.

The cool day is getting cooler, and I finally put down the axe. I head into the bath house. I know there won't be any hot water, but I need to wash up and change my shirt. I'm looking forward to meeting the others – not that I don't enjoy Sam's company, but after weeks of it just being her and me, it'll be good to meet some new folks.

When I'm clean, I tell Shanna and Cal to get cleaned up, and we go back to the farmhouse. Sam and Carys are in the kitchen, and they look like they're working well together.

"Dinner'll be ready soon," Carys warns us as we head for the stairs.

"Sure," I answer. "We'll be down in a minute."

When we get back down, others have arrived. We're introduced to Carys and Evan's son, Rhys, and his wife Mared and their two children, and finally to the other man present – Bryn. Rhys favours his mother rather than Evan – he's slighter and he shares the colouring of all of them – black hair and brown eyes with pale skin. Bryn is broad like Evan, but while Evan looks like a man you'd want as a friend, Bryn looks sullen and miserable. I've got a sixth sense on who to trust – it's the reason I'm still around. And I don't trust him. Might be something to do with the way he looks at Sam, but I think it's more.

Dinner is good. There's roast chicken (I think it's chicken) and what look like regular potatoes (sweeter than I've tasted before but still good) and a variety of vegetables. After that, there's cake flavoured with honey. To drink, there's some fruit juice I don't recognise, but it's all good. And when everything's done, there's more of that tea we had last night. I haven't felt this full in a long time.

The conversation's been good too. I like Mared and Rhys, and their kids are cute. Bryn's the only irritation. Listening to him, he's running the farm single-handedly, and he's trying to impress Sam. She's being polite, but cool. And the idiot can't see it. Maybe he doesn't normally get polite from women – with his attitude, I'm not surprised.

When the meal's over, Carys starts cleaning up, and Mared and Sam join her. I automatically get to my feet too. I notice Evan and Rhys looking unsure what to do, and I remember that here, there're still some things men don't do. Well, I never was one for rules I didn't like. I pick up some dirty dishes and carry them towards the basin. This place is going to be hard on Sam. She's damn good at things these men wouldn't want her anywhere near. After a moment's hesitation, Rhys and Evan get up too, but Bryn pointedly leaves the table and walks towards the door.

"I'll start on the bottom barn in the morning, Evan," he explains as he reaches for the handle. "Shouldn't take me more than four or five days."

When he closes the door behind him, Mared and Rhys exchange a look, and Carys seems irritated.

"He didn't even say thanks for the food," Mared complains.

"It's just his way," Evan mumbles. "Funny though – I didn't think there was more than a day's work in the bottom barn."

"Probably isn't," Rhys agrees. "But you know Bryn. Why do you put up with him?"

"We need his help. You know how hard it is to get farm hands."

"I know, Dad, but now we've got Jack here …"

"So, I should send Bryn packing just because Jack's here? That's not how I do things. And anyway, Jack doesn't even know his way around yet. No offence …"

"No offence taken," I answer.

Cleaning up doesn't take too long with six of us working, and when it's done, Rhys and Mared insist it's time for their children to be in bed. There are goodnight hugs with children and grandparents, and warm handshakes for Sam and me, and soon, they're gone. Taking the hint, Sam suggests Shanna and Cal go to bed too.

"So, you cook," I comment to Sam once the children are settled.

"I follow orders," she disagrees, glancing at Carys.

"She did fine," Carys informs me. "And you managed to chop enough firewood for several days."

"If you're ok, I'll get you started on the top field in the morning," Evan offers me. "The fence needs some serious work and I want to get it finished before we get into the harvest. I've been trying to get Bryn to sort it out for weeks, but he's always too busy with other things."

"He seems like a pleasant fellow," I comment, realising too late that they might not notice my sarcasm.

"Bryn's harmless," Evan tells us. "He's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder. That's all."

"Chip, you call it?" Carys puts in. "He's rude, and he doesn't do a full day's work."

Evan just shrugs, with the air of a man who's heard it all before.

Carys sighs deeply. "You be careful, Sam," Carys warns anyway. "He's got some extreme views on women, even for this place."

"Don't worry," she promises. "I've met his type before, and I know how to handle them."

Carys seems satisfied by the answer, and Evan just shrugs. And despite what Sam just said, I intend to keep a close eye on Bryn.

The four of us sit a while longer. There's a pleasant, companionable silence of the type brought on by good food and warmth on a cool night. It gives me time to think. I'm conflicted. At one level, I know things could be much worse. Then again, they could be better.

I think about our story – the façade we've got to maintain in order to protect Sam. Given how I feel about her, I don't have to be much of an actor. The hard bit will be knowing where to stop. I know there's no alternative. I won't leave her open to the likes of Bryn, unless she tells me that's what she wants. And if she does, I'll do what she wants no matter how bad it hurts.

Bryn's an idiot. But whether he's a dangerous idiot? Carys thinks so, and Evan doesn't. All I know is that I don't trust him and I don't want him anywhere near Sam.

JJJJJ

Evan kept to his promise to put me to work this morning, taking me to a field a good half hour walk from the farmhouse. The fence is down in places and broken everywhere else and he wants to put some sheep-like animals here come the spring. There's already a cart with materials and tools there, and once he's explained what he wants, he leaves me to it.

Sam's planning on spending the day with Carys. They can keep an eye on the twins while they work, and Carys even suggested giving them a few chores to do. The weather's dry but overcast, and the work physical without being exhausting. Around noon, I open the package Evan left for me to find thick sandwiches made with the same meat we had last night, and a small fruit pie. There's water too, and when I've finished, I get back to work. There's easily a couple of days work here, and I'm determined to get at least half way before the light gets too low.

It's mid afternoon when Bryn appears. He was supposed to be working on a barn somewhere, wasn't he? There's no evidence of work on his hands, and I glance at my own, grubby and fast sprouting new calluses. He starts chatting, and for a couple of minutes I pause, thinking he'll be gone soon. When it's obvious that he's not going to move on for a while, I go back to work, answering his questions with the minimum I can get away with. When he gets around to talking about Sam and me, I'm tempted to tell him to get lost. Under other circumstances, I probably would, but Evan trusts him, and I don't want to alienate the man who's giving shelter to Sam and the twins.

"So, you and Sam, eh? Been bonded long?"

Not something we've discussed, so I go for as close to the truth as I can, given the circumstances.

"Not long, no."

"She pregnant yet?"

"No."

"See, I'm wondering what makes a man agree to raise kids who're not his own. You got other kids?"

"I don't see that that's your business."

"Just trying to be friendly. You're older than Sam. Maybe she just bonded to you for the sake of the kids."

"Like I said, what's between Sam and me is none of your business."

"She's a fine looking woman – round here, there's bound to be those that're interested – 'specially if she'll leave the kids behind."

"I've got work to do," I tell him, consciously turning my back on him. I'm still acutely aware of exactly where he is.

There's silence between us, broken only by the sound of my hammer driving a nail into the wood of the fence.

"Ok, I get it. You don't want to talk. But here's a word of advice. You'd do well to treat me with some respect. You think Evan's in charge? He's not. Oh, sure, the farm belongs to him, but he won't be around for long. And when he's gone, I'll be the one deciding who works here, not that sop of a son of his. And then … well, maybe Sam'll decide to stay where she's got a home …"

I spin towards him, the hammer raised, but he's already stepped back out of reach.

"Temper, temper."

"Leave Sam alone."

"Oh, I will … for now. Let her settle in a bit. But I never yet met a woman who wouldn't sell herself for whatever she can get."

He walks away then. He's got no idea how close he came to getting his head caved in. Years of military discipline is the only thing that saved him. Even now, watching his retreating back, I'm tempted to drop the hammer and go and pound on him with my bare fists.

I take my fury out on some nails instead, working faster than before and ruining nails in the process. But as the fury ebbs, there's something under it. He just said what I already knew. He doesn't understand how things are between Sam and me, but still hit on my fear – that she'll fall for someone else and move out of my life. Not that I think that person could be Bryn. But there's no way she'll settle for me. She'll want someone younger, someone without the baggage. Someone who'll never even know how special she is.


	14. Chapter 14

Spending the day with Carys was interesting. If I thought for a moment that I was getting things easy not working in the fields, it's soon obvious I'm not. The sheer amount of work she does around the house and the yard close by is amazing. By the time we get as far as preparing the dinner, I'm ready to take a break, but she's soon calling out instructions and I follow them as well as I can.

I always suspected that cooking's not actually difficult, and the way she does it, it isn't. What it is, is laborious. Of course, a total lack of frozen food and pre-prepared anything makes a huge difference.

The meal tonight isn't on the scale of last night, but it's still tasty, and very satisfying. There's only the six of us tonight. It feels strangely comfortable – like I always imagined family dinners should be, but like I haven't experienced for a long time. I remember family meals from my childhood, but they were so often eaten without Dad, who always seemed to have somewhere else he needed to be, and while my mom understood, I think it still upset her. And, after she was gone, we all just … did our own thing. Mark withdrew so far we hardly saw him, and Dad was still working all the time. I got into frozen dinners and somehow, never got out of the habit.

The work is a relief. Being with Carys, following her instructions, keeps my mind off Jack, well, a bit. The idea that I need his protection – well, let's just say, I'm mad. I've been looking after myself since I was fourteen. The rest of it – pretending to be bonded – married – to Jack … that's going to be harder. So far, we've been able to behave as before, but once we start mixing with others, we might have to change things.

Of those who live on the farm with us, only one – Bryn – doesn't seem at all likeable. He's been looking at me like I'm his next meal, and it makes my skin crawl. I've known people – men – like him before, so I know I can handle him, but it'll definitely be easier if I can just avoid him.

The children seem happy. They had the nightmare that first night, but then they'd just had their lives turned upside-down again. Carys mentioned the village school again today, and we agreed that we should delay enrolling them. In just a few days, school closes for the harvest break – a time when children of their age join their parents in the fields. Once that's over, they'll go into the village each morning with Gwen and Nye.

I'm almost relieved at that. I'm not used to feeling protective towards children, but right now, the prospect of not knowing exactly where they are – of not knowing that they're with either Jack or me … worries me. But I know they need the company of other children – especially if this is where they're going to spend the rest of their lives. Realistically, that 'rest of our lives' deal means Jack and me too. And, despite the misogynistic attitudes of the society as a whole, this looks like a better place than where we were. And I managed to cause a revolution with the Shavadai, so maybe … We've got good people and the basis of civilisation here. It's not home, but it could become it.

Technologically, things are pretty basic. Heating consists of the wood burning stove and lighting is by candle. There is some machinery around, but all of it is either person- or animal-powered. They have a couple of horses which they use in the fields or with a cart to transport goods, and Carys has a spinning wheel, a simple loom and a sewing machine, all treadle operated. She's promised to teach me how to use these things, and although they're machines and machines have always fascinated me, I think they'll be too simple to keep my interest for long. To be honest, that's what scares me about this world. That without mental stimulation I'll go crazy. I've spent my whole life rushing from one mental challenge to another, and between the Air Force and that, it's sort of how I define myself. Without either, I'm not even sure I know who I am.

We slip into a routine over the next week. We work hard during the day, and the rest of the daylight hours we spend fixing up our cottage. It's actually the best time of the day in many respects. The twins are outside with Gwen and Nye and we both know that Carys or Mared always have an eye on them, and while we're working on the roof, we can see them too. For those short hours, we work together well. It's almost like old times without any of the complications caused by the situation, and if I get a little flustered when we brush against each other, then at least I can hide my reaction.

Night time is harder – the intimacy of sharing a room with him, even with the children present - is sometimes difficult to cope with. Hardest of all is how we have to behave in front of Bryn. When he's around, Jack makes a point of putting an arm around me, sometimes kissing me on the forehead or cheek. There's nothing overtly sexual, but it still serves to make me hyper-aware of his presence. Bryn still makes my skin crawl, but thus far, he hasn't gone further than looking.

The first time Jack 'took action' when Bryn was around, I almost jumped at the touch of his hand on my face. One look at his expression showed barely suppressed fury, and I was initially confused by such an extreme emotion. Then, once I thought about it, I realised that, despite his attempts to persuade others differently, deep down, Jack's a gentleman and he finds the lack of respect Bryn shows women unacceptable. He's doing what he can to shield me from it, just as he would for any other woman.

SSSSS

Our first real test comes after we've been on the planet for seven days. Carys travels into the village to the market every ten days to sell produce and things she's made. Neither Evan nor Rhys has been able to spare the time to go with her but they both worry that she's going alone. The longer term plan is for me to go with her, but for this first visit, it's been agreed that Jack should come too – partly to make the point that I'm 'taken' and partly so he can see the village. I still bristle when I'm forced to think in those terms, but I don't have a choice.

We leave the children with Mared and take the cart, loaded with goods. There's the last of last year's flour that was milled from grain grown on the farm as well as stores of various fruits and vegetables and a couple of heavy sweaters that Carys apparently knitted. There's room for one person to sit, and Carys takes that seat. She can drive from there, or someone else can lead the horse – we decide on the latter with Jack leading. The horse's pace is slow enough that keeping up with it really isn't a problem.

The journey into the village takes fifteen minutes, and once there, she directs us to the market square. The village itself is small, but the market serves people from a much larger area. When we arrive, it's already filling up with carts and wagons, and customers have started checking out the goods on offer.

The morning progresses with Carys selling things while introducing Jack and me to everyone who passes. They all seem to know her, and by lunchtime, we've 'met' more people than I would've thought possible. They all regard me carefully, taking in my colouring which is so obviously different when compared with the locals. I get a few looks that remind me of Bryn, but none of it's so overtly unpleasant. Being here, meeting more people, makes the oddity of my colouring even more apparent. Even the children won't stand out quite as much as I do – there aren't any red-heads quite as fair as they are, but there are a few with auburn hair, although they all seem to have the standard brown eyes of the vicinity. Throughout the whole experience, Jack's arm seems to hover close to my waist, pulling me to him whenever someone stops to chat. He's taking his 'protection' seriously, and I don't know whether to be annoyed or grateful. By the time we're ready to pack up in the early afternoon, I'm more wrung out than seems reasonable.

The end of the market coincides with the end of the school day – the last one before the harvest break. Carys takes us to the school to meet Gwen and Nye, stopping off to allow us to tell the staff about the twins who'll be enrolling after the Harvest celebration.

The journey back is quiet, and I'm left with my thoughts. The apparently easy affection Jack was able to show was worrying because I enjoyed it so much. I hate the fact that it's necessary, but the actual contact feels almost too good. I honestly don't know how much of it I'm going to be able to take without needing more.

SSSSS

The next morning is a distinct change as we all, except Carys, assemble in small groups around the farm to begin the harvest. As well as those of us who live on the farm, there are a couple of other teams of people who leave off their usual work to assist. The actual start date seems to be a given – there's no allowance for variation depending on the weather. I'm no expert on farming methods, but I'm pretty amazed that they can plan it so well. Carys remains close to the farmhouse to attend to her usual chores as well as ensuring that there'll be a meal ready at the end of the day. Jack and I are assigned to work with Rhys while Evan, Mared and Bryn make another team, and the rest are similarly divided. The children are given various jobs, but seem to spend a lot of the time running errands between the groups and to Carys. When we stop for lunch, Nye appears, running towards his father. He speaks to him for a few moments before his father seems to nod in agreement. He makes his way towards where Jack and I are sitting.

"Sam, I wonder if you'd be willing to do us a favour. Mared … well, we weren't going to tell you yet, but she's pregnant."

"Congratulations!" I tell him, wondering what he wants from me.

"Thank you. We are very pleased – it's taken such a long time since Gwen. But … the problem is that, during the early stages, she is very tired, and Bryn … well, he's upset her. You know what he's like. And my father … doesn't seem to see what's going on half the time. Would you mind swapping groups with her? I know it's a lot to ask, but …"

"It's fine, Rhys," I tell him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I can handle Bryn fine. Where are they?"

"Nye can take you there, once you've eaten, and then he can escort his mother back here."

"I'll go too," Cal offers.

"Good idea," Jack approves, looking at me.

"I'll be fine, Jack," I tell him.

"Sure you will. And if Cal hears anything he's not happy about, he can come straight back here and tell me, can't he?"

I'm not sure how to take Jack's protectiveness. Sure, he's got to seem to be like that, but I think he's taking it too far and I'm starting to feel a little smothered. It's not like he's really feeling threatened over my feelings for him – he doesn't care that much. I manage to glare at him, but he just shrugs it off.

When we finish eating, we begin the ten minute walk to the other site. As soon as we arrive, Mared and Nye leave, but not before Mared gives me a rather tearful hug. If Bryn's reduced her to that, he'd better not try anything with me.

The first couple of hours pass without incident. Evan's amazing. He uses his bulk and strength to do the work of two men, and all that does is to make it clear just how little Bryn actually does. I do my best to fit in, and for a while, everything's fine. When Evan calls a water break, things change.

Bryn settles himself close to me, and he's watching. I'm sure it's designed to make me uncomfortable. I've become used to the style of dress on this planet, but right now, I'd give a lot to have the familiar sexlessness of my BDUs.

When we restart, Bryn somehow ends up right beside me while Evan's some distance away. It starts with a so-called attempt to show me how to do things properly, but his hands keep wandering where they shouldn't. When I've batted them away a couple of times, I make a conscious effort to get away.

"Bryn, I don't need your help. And if you touch me again, you'll regret it."

"You don't mean that," he tells me. And the worst of it is, I think he really believes it.

"Believe it," I tell him, firmly.

"Aw, come on. There's no reason we can't be … friendly."

"Bryn, just leave it," I insist. I glance over to see how much Cal has heard, and I know he's heard everything. I can only think that Bryn just doesn't think he's important. I shake my head at Cal, silently asking that he not run off to Jack. I'm still in control, and I don't need anyone riding to my rescue.

While my attention's diverted, he's come up behind me, and I'm about to move away when a hand comes round, grabbing one of my breasts. I somehow manage to 'accidentally' put an elbow into his stomach, leaving him doubled over in pain as I pick up my tools and make my way closer to Evan.

The looks he gives me for the rest of the day would be enough to curdle milk, but he keeps his distance, right up until we're finished and on our way back to the farmhouse. Evan's taken a detour to see to something for one of the other teams, and while Bryn doesn't make any attempt to touch me, his words are designed to intimidate.

"You think you're too good for me, don't you? Too high and mighty to be friendly. You and Jack, moving in here, trying to turn Evan against me. Well, it won't work. Evan and me, we share blood, and that's worth more in the end. When Evan's gone, I'll be in charge around here, and if you don't learn some respect, you'll be out."

I don't answer, but I wonder why he would assume the farm would pass to him rather than Rhys. He must see my look.

"You think Rhys'll take over? That sap? He's a fool. Doesn't know …." He doesn't continue then, just giving me a grin that makes him look more sinister than usual.

I walk away, keen to put distance between us, because the alternative would probably involve punching him, and that might get difficult to explain.

I make up my mind to talk to Carys or Mared first chance I get. I don't know if Bryn's made his intentions obvious before, but if he hasn't, then they need to know.

Carys has the bath house ready when we get back. It's quickly agreed that the women will go first, so Mared, Shanna, Gwen and I make our way in. We have to share the water because of the time needed to heat more, but Mared promises there'll be enough for the men once we've finished.

The two girls go in first, bathing together while Mared and I supervise. It doesn't take much supervision, and soon, Mared makes a point of thanking me.

"I really appreciate you changing with me. Normally, I can cope with him, but I'm kind of emotional at the moment, and he gets a kick out of upsetting me."

"Does Rhys know about it?"

"He hears some of it, but Bryn's careful what he says around Rhys or Evan."

"So why don't you tell Rhys? Surely Evan would get rid of him if he knew?"

"I don't want them to know."

"Rhys obviously knows – he asked me to swap with him!"

"He knows Bryn upsets me, but not why."

"Look, Mared, Bryn thinks he'll take over the farm when Evan dies. Evan needs to know that. Rhys too. Why would he think that?"

"Rhys has known Bryn since they were boys. Bryn's a few turns older, but Rhys was often sick as a child. Until he was fifteen, he was small for his age and not very strong. After that, he caught up with the other boys. He's a bit like his dad – he's a gentle soul. Bryn doesn't see that – he remembers the weak child and sees a gentle man and thinks he's still weak. But he's not. If Bryn openly threatens Rhys, he'll fight back, but Bryn won't try anything while Evan's still alive. Despite everything, Evan's the one person Bryn seems to respect at least to some extent."

"Ok, but you haven't told me why he upsets you so much. Mared, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"You can't promise that. You'll tell Jack – you'd have to."

It's easy to forget that Mared doesn't know the truth about Jack and me.

"Ok, just Jack. And I'll make sure he doesn't tell anyone unless you agree."

I can tell she wants to tell me. I glance at the girls – they're splashing and chatting so much they can't hear what we're saying. I pull her a little further away.

"Tell me. Sometimes it helps just to share something."

"When I was sixteen," she starts, swallowing hard, "Bryn liked me. He was older – twenty-five – big and strong, he made me feel like I was all grown up. He wanted to be bonded to me. I was of age, but my mother advised me to wait. When I told Bryn, he got mad. I'd arranged to meet him outside the village – somewhere quiet. He … he hit me. And then he forced me … He raped me. When he finished, he left me lying there, threatened to tell the village it was my idea; that I'd decided to defy my parents and meet him there. He said no one would want me after that, that I was damaged. That one day, I'd be so desperate that I'd go to him, and he'd throw me out."

She bites back a sob.

"But surely someone knew something happened? Your mother?"

"No. I … had some bruises, but not visible. I was terrified I would be pregnant, but I wasn't. I healed. I avoided men after that. Except Rhys. He was a friend. And when I was twenty-three, I was faced with being forced to be bonded. I … couldn't trust anyone else, and Rhys wanted … He's a very special man."

"I'm sure he is, but why didn't you tell him?"

"Tell him? That he wasn't my first? He'll believe that I wanted to be with Bryn. He'll … leave me. And if he does, I lose everything – even my children."

"So, when Bryn upsets you, he's threatening you?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes he threatens to tell Rhys. Sometimes, he just taunts me – he really believes I'd leave Rhys for him if he wanted me to, that I would choose him over a gentle soul like Rhys."

"Mared, you've got to tell him. You've got to tell Rhys."

"But … I couldn't. At best, he'd be so hurt."

"Hurt? Hurt because you were raped? Mared, he'd be livid!"

"And if he was, he'd challenge Bryn, and Bryn would kill him. But that wouldn't happen. He wouldn't believe that it was rape. He'd believe that I went with Bryn willingly, and our bonding would be over."

"You've got to tell him, Mared. Once he knows, Bryn won't have any power over him."

"I … can't."

"If he loves you, he'll know the truth."

"I don't know."

"Mared, you can't leave it like this. As it stands, Bryn's got the power. You can take it from him, but you've got to take that risk."

"I'll think about it," she promises.

The girls must be clean by now, so we approach the bath with large towels and help them out. The noise they've been making gave us privacy to talk, but we've taken longer than we should.

"You bathe now, Sam. I'll take the girls back to the house. I'll just be a few minutes."

I do as she suggested, spending the minimum time in the bath so I'm out and drying off by the time she's back.


	15. Chapter 15

That night, despite the day's work we've already done, Sam wants us to go to the cottage to finish something. At least, that's what she says before we leave the farmhouse. The twins are in bed and it's getting dark fast, so it seems unlikely, but I know better than to argue.

Once there, she lights a candle and places it on the table, pulling up a chair and gesturing me to join her.

"What happened, Sam? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Jack. I can handle Bryn. It's Mared and Rhys I'm worried about. Bryn gave me a spiel about being nice to him because otherwise we'd be out of here once Evan dies. I'm not worried about that, but the implication was that he'd have the farm – not Rhys. It sounded like so much nonsense, but I thought Mared should know, so I spoke to her while the girls were in the bath."

She pauses, screwing her eyes up the way she does sometimes when she's thinking. "She … I suppose, dated, or as close as they do here, Bryn when she was younger. He's older than she is – not an impossible difference, but she was only sixteen. He wanted them to be bonded, but her mother advised her to wait. Bryn got mad, and he raped her. She'd arranged to meet him outside the village and afterwards, he left her there. She's never told anyone and made me promise to keep it a secret. She assumed I'd tell you anyway – I forget sometimes that she doesn't know how things are between us. I feel kind of guilty about that."

She shakes her head, getting back to what she was saying. "Mared avoided him after that. Some time later, she got bonded to Rhys. But Bryn's threatened to tell Rhys that he and Mared had sex. She doesn't think anyone will believe that it was rape, and that she'll lose Rhys over it. And here, that would mean losing the children too. As for the farm, I don't know. Mared believes that, once Evan's gone, Bryn will try to intimidate Rhys into handing over the farm. Or something. She wasn't very clear, and I don't know enough about the legal system here to know if any of this is possible. She doesn't want Evan to know about any of this because of Bryn's threats. I told her to tell Rhys the truth, but I don't know if she can."

"I knew he was a bastard," I manage. I'm tempted, even now, to go and beat the shit out of him, but I settle for clenching my fists.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, Jack. You can't mention what happened between Bryn and Mared – that's got to be her story to tell. But I think Evan needs to know what Bryn's planning."

"He said something similar to me, but I didn't take it seriously. I'll mention that to Evan, see what he says."

"Good. I'll talk to Carys. She's already convinced he's no good, and maybe she understands enough about the legal system here to know how likely it is that Bryn'll succeed."

"Are you sure he didn't hurt you, Sam?"

"He … grabbed a bit, but it was never going anywhere with Evan and Cal around. He got an elbow in the ribs for it."

"Careful, Sam. Bryn's a bully. He'll happily prey on anyone he thinks is weak, but now you've shown you can fight back, he might try something different."

"Jack, I can look after myself."

"I know, but … he won't play fair. He'll wait till you're vulnerable. It's how people like him operate."

"It's not like the Goa'uld play fair, Jack. I'll be fine; don't worry. I know we're playing the married couple, but it's not like you really care about me like that."

"Sam, I … care. I care about Mared and Rhys, and I care about you."

The first words slipped out before I could stop them. The rest followed as I desperately tried to dig myself out of the hole I'd dug for myself. I think it worked. And I'm pretty sure there wasn't hope in her eyes for a fraction of a second there. It was shock. It must've been shock.

JJJJJ

It's late next day before I can get a chance to talk to Evan. He listens while I tell him what Bryn told me, and his reaction is to smile and shake his head.

"Bryn's full of big ideas," he assures me. "But there's no harm in him. He … never knew his dad. He had a hard time growing up, just him and his mother."

"So, there's no way he could take the farm from Rhys. The legal system here would stop him, right?"

"Legal system? Not really. We're pretty light on laws here. Never needed much. If he wants land, all he's got to do is go further out of the village – it's there for the taking. It'd take work to get it to produce as well as this land does, but …"

"He's not much for hard work."

"No, and that's why he wouldn't want the farm. I work hard as anyone."

"I know that, Evan. So, legally, could he take the farm from Rhys?"

"He could take it by force, but the other local farmers wouldn't stand for that. You let one man do that, it could be your farm next."

"Is there any other way?"

"Well, apart from claiming he's family …"

"He said you shared blood …"

"And we do, but it's distant. Most everyone around here could say the same thing. You go back far enough, we all share some blood, except the likes of Carys."

"Evan, he sounded pretty sure."

"As I am. And if I'm wrong, what can I do? If I kick him out, I'll be a hand short, and he'll just have more reason to do what you think he wants to. No, I think it's all talk with Bryn. He won't do it."

"I hope you're right, Evan."

JJJJJ

The harvest continues until the grain's all gathered and the fruit that ripens at the same time has been collected. The Harvest break still has a week to run when we finish – something Evan is very pleased about. Things return to something like normal after that, which means that Sam and I can get back to working on the repairs on our cottage. We've still got a way to go, but we're making progress. Life isn't perfect, but it's pretty damn good.

The SGC and the war with the Goa'uld seem a million light years away. This world, these people, have become my life. Sure, I still miss Teal'c and Daniel, hell, even Hammond. And I'd give almost anything to have Sam love me the way I love her, for us to be a real family, but even with all that, I'm more content than I can remember being for a long time. The fact that we're supposed to be bonded gives me an excuse to touch her, in public at least, and she seems comfortable with that. No, it's not easy. Sometimes, when I put my arms around her and kiss her forehead, it's almost impossible for me to stop at that, and I'm scared that one day, I'll ruin everything. But until then, we've got what we've got, and I'm the lucky man who's spending his life with Sam Carter.

I finish the job I'm doing – the last bit of repair to the roof, and go inside. The stove's doing a good job of heating the interior, and I pull off the top layer I'm wearing before going to see what Sam's doing.

It looks so familiar that I'm temporarily back at the SGC, sticking my nose into the lab where she's working on the newest alien technology. Except that she's working on a rough wooden table in a very basic wooden cottage on a planet where fire is high technology, putting together some mechanical device I can't even guess the purpose of. But it's her expression, the way her bottom lip is being gnawed between her teeth and the fact that she hasn't spotted me that's so familiar.

"What'ya doing?" I ask.

"Carys was having some trouble with this – she uses it for spinning wool. I said I'd take a look."

"And?"

"And I see where it's damaged, so I fixed that."

"If you fixed it, why is it in bits all over the table?"

She looks up with a smile on her face.

"Because, when I had it taken to bits, I thought, maybe, it'd be better if it went back together slightly different."

"Ah. Modification by Carter."

"Yeah. I've mended a few things for her already, but they're not exactly complex. But this is just too simple. It's a design that's so basic that I can't do much short of starting from scratch."

"Then why don't you?"

She just sighs deeply.

"Think about it," I suggest. "If you can come up with a way to make something easier here, I think that's worthwhile."

"Ok, Jack," she says softly, but I know I haven't convinced her.

"Sam, you're going to ruin your eyes if you keep working in this light. It's getting dark out, and I'm going to get the kids off to bed."

She glances at the window, apparently realising for the first time how late it is.

"Ok, I'll just be a minute …"

I leave her to it, snagging the kids and herding them off to bed. By the time I've got done that and walked back to the cottage, she's cleared the table.

"So, do you use that thing?"

"Carys is trying to teach me, but I'm not very good."

"What? Something Sam Carter doesn't do better than anyone else?"

She looks down at that, and I'm confused. I meant it as a joke. She's the most supremely gifted woman I've ever known, and I get a kick out of finding there's something she's not good at. I put my hand on her cheek and gently guide her face up.

"What?" I ask. Her eyes look surprisingly full.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Sam, I remember you telling me to let you help. And I do. Have I pushed you away during one of those nightmares lately?"

"Not while you're awake."

"Yeah, well, if I'm still asleep, I don't know it's you, do I?"

She tries to look back to the table, but I keep a slight pressure on her cheek.

"Sam, tell me."

"It's silly."

"Not to you, apparently."

"It's just … I don't fit in here."

"You what?"

"No, I mean it. You … you seem happier than I can remember. You really like working outside, doing things with your hands. Don't you?"

"Always did," I agree.

"And the twins – they've made friends, they're loving all the space and they love Carys and Evan too. They seem really settled."

"They do."

"But …"

"You don't feel happy."

"I … it's just, I've spent my life working things out. It's what I've done – give me a puzzle and I'll find a solution. Here … there aren't any big puzzles. I'm useless."

God, I'm a selfish bastard. All this time I'm getting more and more comfortable here, and she's been miserable and I didn't even see it. Here, I get automatic respect because, to paraphrase what someone once told me, my sex organs are on the outside. Hers aren't, and because of that, she can't even begin to earn the respect of some people here.

"Sam, not useless. Never useless. Carys … Evan says she's doing a lot better than she was. He was worried about her – she was pushing herself too hard and making herself ill. She's not any more, and that's because she's got you. And the kids – if they're happy, shouldn't you be taking at least part of the credit for that? They love you, Sam. They need you. How could you think you're useless? The rest of us couldn't do it without you."

There's a knock on the door then, and I open it to find Rhys there.

"Is Sam there?" he asks.

Sam comes up behind me. She's wiping at her eyes, but if Rhys notices he doesn't say anything.

"Hey, Rhys. What's up?"

"Mared's been called out. You met Iwan and Tegan over on the next farm?"

"Sure. I've met them at the market."

"Well, Tegan's gone into labour and Mared's going to tend her."

"Oh. She mentioned she's the local midwife, but it's been a while since she'd been called out."

"Yes. But … she's been feeling very tired lately, and I don't like the idea of her being there alone. I can take her there, but I won't be allowed to stay. There's only really one room in the cottage and it's going to be a cold night. I … could you go with her, please?"

"But I don't know the first thing about having babies," she argues.

"Mared does. She's been delivering them for years. But … please?"

Sam seems to think for a moment before nodding.

"I'll get something warm," she says, moving towards the farmhouse.

"I'll close up here," I offer. "You want me to come with you?"

"No, Jack," Rhys answers. "It's probably better if I take them. You could go and sit with Gwen and Nye? They're asleep but I don't want them in the cottage alone."

"Sure," I agree. "I'll go straight over there once I've closed up here."

I do as I promised, finishing in our cottage in time to see Rhys leading the cart laden with Mared and Sam and various bags and things. I'm worried about Sam. I should have realised she was feeling out of it, but I was so wrapped up in my own life that I missed it. If Rhys hadn't knocked, I would've taken her in my arms to try to comfort her, and … it's probably for the best that that didn't happen.

I'm in Rhys's cottage for an hour before he comes back.

"Everything ok?" I ask, and he shakes his head.

"I think this is going to be a difficult one. Mared's worried."

"So, how long do you think?"

"I don't know. I'll head over at first light and see what's happening."

"I didn't know Mared was the local midwife," I comment.

"It's not the sort of thing she'd discuss with you. I know you're not from round here, but in this village, we men aren't involved in all that."

"Seems kind of unfair given we're there at the start …"

He shrugs.

"You didn't see either of yours born?"

"No. Heard a lot. I was upstairs. Have you ever seen …"

"Yeah. I had a son. I saw him being born. It was the hardest and most wonderful thing I've ever experienced."

"Did you leave him at home?"

"Not exactly. He … died. Not quite two years ago. He was about Cal and Shanna's age, maybe a little younger."

"Sickness?"

"No. An accident. I had a gun – a weapon. He got hold of it, and I guess he was playing and …"

His hand is on my arm in a gesture of comfort.

"And his mother?"

"We … separated after that. I don't know … we just couldn't be there for each other."

He nods in understanding.

"Look, I'm going to go and get some sleep," I suggest, although to be honest, talking like this on top of the conversation I just had with Sam … I need some thinking time.

As I go into the house, I glance into the kitchen. Carys is there, nursing a mug of tea. On impulse, I take a step closer.

"Evan around?" I ask.

"He's gone to bed. I just wanted to finish my tea. Did you want him for something?"

"No, … no. I … I've just been talking to Sam. Did you know she's unhappy?"

She puts her mug down on the table.

"She never told me she was unhappy. It's not her way. And I don't think she always feels that way, it's just that sometimes it sort of hits her, you know? I get the feeling she left a lot behind at home. Did she?"

"We both left our lives behind, but … on Earth, Sam's more than just a soldier, a warrior. She's a thinker. Give her a problem, and she works out how to get out of it. It's what she does. She's … brilliant. She knows more about complicated technology than anyone I've ever known. And here, there isn't any."

"She misses this technology?" Carys doesn't understand.

"Not exactly. I think it's more that she sees her importance as so wrapped up in that technology that now she doesn't have it, she doesn't think she's contributing."

"But …"

"I know, I know. I was trying to tell her …"

"She's made such a difference to my life, and she's a mother to the twins … how could she doubt her importance?"

"She's complicated."

"And who isn't?"

"She was working on something for you – she'd fixed it but she was trying to improve it. I think that's the sort of thing that might help."

She seems to think for a moment before nodding.

"Jack, I'm going to ask you something. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but it might help if I understood."

"You got me worried. What d'you want to know?"

"How do you feel about Sam?"

If I'd been drinking something I'd probably be choking.

"Sam? I … care about her."

"That much I can tell. I want more. Jack, I've been watching you. You're doing a pretty good job of looking like you're really bonded – in public at least. How much of that is acting?"

"We're not … together."

"But would you want to be?"

My turn to study a table closely.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interfered."

"It's ok, Carys. I know you're trying to help."

"And I'm not. But … she watches you, you know. Whenever she thinks you can't see."

"Nah. It's just … you know, we relied on each other – before we got here. There wasn't anyone else. That's all it is."

"I think it's more than that, Jack. I think you and Sam have a shot at being a real family with those children, but one of you's got to take the first step."

I don't answer. What can I say that won't make me look more ridiculous than I already am?


	16. Chapter 16

I'm not sure what got into me this evening. It's probably at least partly hormonal, but it's definitely more than that. I'm not really unhappy here – just feeling kind of … superfluous. Like everyone else would get on fine without me - even the twins. Jack's so good with them – more natural than I am. And I've got plenty of time to think about how useless I am on the journey to Tegan's house.

Mared doesn't talk about what she expects much – I assume she's just uncomfortable discussing it in front of Rhys, or maybe she's mad at him for suggesting I come too. Didn't think of that. As a result, the journey is completed in almost silence. Rhys sees both of us to the door of the farmhouse and then walks away, leaving the cart with its supplies, and promising to come back at first light to see if we're finished.

The first obvious thing about this house is that it doesn't have the warmth that Carys and Evan's has. I'm not talking about temperature – it just feels a lot less homey. There's the standard wood burning stove and there's a table, but there's no area where you can imagine anyone just sitting after a long day's work. What there is, is a curtained area off the main room, and that's where we're led by a young girl of maybe twelve or thirteen.

"Mother's in there," she informs us before going back upstairs.

Behind the curtain is a woman of around my age, lying on a bed and looking very pale and tired. Tending her is an older woman – probably her mother. She doesn't look at all pleased to see us, but she doesn't say anything.

Once she's seen Tegan, Mared becomes abruptly professional, asking both women questions on how long the labour has been going and the time between contractions before settling herself on a low stool at the bottom of the bed to examine Tegan for herself.

It seems like the labour has already lasted for twelve hours, and that in itself has Mared worried. She comes to me, giving me instructions for what else she's going to need from the cart.

"This is Tegan's fourth child – it shouldn't be taking this long. The last two came so fast, I didn't even manage to get here, and I think that's why they didn't call me this time."

I go to get the various bags, and when I get back, Tegan's mother is busy at the stove, pouring hot water into a large, metal basin. When Mared sees I've come back, she gives me several metal implements and tells me to go and boil them on the stove.

"I didn't know Mared had taken an assistant," the woman tells me, eyeing me suspiciously.

"She hasn't. I'm living at Evan's farm with my family, and Mared hasn't been feeling too great lately. She though I might be able to help. My name's Sam."

I hold out a hand to shake hers, and after a moment's hesitation she takes it.

"I'm Branwen," she tells me, looking at me closely. "So, how many birthings have you seen?"

"This will be my first."

"Your first? What, don't they have babies like the rest of us where you come from?"

"Of course they do. I've just … never been involved before."

"And they say your two children aren't actually yours?"

"That's right. They were my sister's, but she died in an accident."

"Ah, so what're you here for if you don't know what to do?"

"I'm here to do what Mared tells me to do," I tell her, noting that the water around the instruments we placed in the basin is starting to boil.

"Just as long as we don't get charged double … never heard such a thing … needing a midwife for a fourth child."

"I'm sure I don't expect anything," I try to reassure her, but she doesn't look convinced.

When the instruments have been boiling for the appropriate time, I leave them to cool, still sitting in the basin, and return to Mared. Tegan seems happier than before, but I can tell Mared's worried.

"The baby's ready to come, but it's the wrong way round. If I'd known before labour started, I might've been able to turn the baby, but now, it's too late. Still, it'll be fine – it'll just take a bit longer."

"What does that mean?" I ask. I know it'll mean the birth would be harder and at home it'd probably mean a C-section, but I can't see that being a possibility here.

"I've got some oil that I can rub into the area to see if I can ease things a bit, and then, well, she's either going to tear or I'll have to cut. I've already explained to Tegan."

"Oil?"

"It's made to a recipe my mother gave me. It helps the tissue to stretch and it's also a local anaesthetic as well as helping with healing afterwards."

She takes a bottle from one of the bags and starts to apply it. The smell is almost familiar, something close to tea tree, and I know that's supposed to have antibiotic and antiseptic properties. Maybe that's why it helps healing.

Tegan doesn't make a lot of noise when the next contraction comes, but Mared encourages me to sit close to the head of the bed. Instinctively, I reach for Tegan's hand and almost wish I hadn't when she grips tight enough to cause significant pain.

I lose track of time while Mared works to ease the baby's passage, but when, after a particularly violent contraction, nothing's happened, she asks me to bring the basin.

I do, and she selects a knife from the assortment of instruments. I return to my place at the head of the bed, and try to concentrate on Tegan's face. The cuts are made, and Mared continues to work. The first thing we see emerge is a single foot. It's followed by the leg and then, at last, the baby's bottom emerges. After that, the baby arrives in a rush.

"Sam, come this end. The afterbirth should be delivered on the next contraction. I need you to catch it in this." She indicates a smaller basin. All the time she's speaking, she's working on the baby who really doesn't appear to be in good shape.

I do as I'm told, trying to talk to Tegan while we wait and glancing regularly over to Mared as she works to remove mucus from the baby's nostrils. As the time ticks by with no sound from the baby, Tegan's getting upset and I can feel my own spirits dropping. And then, without warning, we hear a wail.

A moment later, the baby is wrapped in cloths and Mared hands her to Tegan. "Another beautiful girl," she informs the mother, before coming to me to check that the afterbirth is complete. Branwen seems to take over then, cooing over the baby, and Mared starts to stitch the cuts she made. She works slowly, more slowly than I'd have thought, while I clear up her things. When she's finally finished, I tell her to sit down.

"You've done the hard part. I'll clean the rest of this up."

She tries to resist, but when I push her gently back onto the stool for the second time, she relents.

The curtain is pulled back, and the call goes upstairs for the rest of the family to come down. I clean things up as best I can and take a walk outside to find that the sun's rising. Good. Rhys should be here soon.

"How're you doing?" I ask when I get back to Mared.

"I'm fine. Rhys here?"

"Not yet."

"How about we wait outside? I could do with some air."

And that's where Rhys finds us a short while later. He helps Mared onto the cart while I opt to walk.

By the time we get back to the farmhouse, Jack and Evan are already out at work. Carys shoos me up to bed for a few hours, and I reluctantly agree. I am tired, but I'm more than that. I feel like I've just been involved in something important, and that alone is making me feel a little better. Not that I did much, but still.

When I waken, I go downstairs to the kitchen, to find Carys busy.

"Hungry?" she asks.

"Yes."

She takes the lid off a large pan that seems to live on the stove, ladling out some tasty soup.

"There's some fresh bread," she offers.

"Thanks, Carys."

"When you've finished, I need to go out to the mill near the village. I took over the first of the new grain the other day, and it should be milled by now. Want to come with me?"

"Sure," I answer. It sounds like there might be some lifting to be done, and if there is, I need to be there.

We rig up the cart, and when Carys insists, I let her drive while I walk alongside. The mill's just the other side of the village, and it takes us twenty minutes to get there. Carys knocks on the door of the cottage next door. It's quickly answered by Sian, who I've met a couple of times at the market.

"Carys, you've come for your flour?"

"Yes, Sian, and to chat if you've got time."

"Come in. Sit down and I'll call Trevor and let him know to load up the cart."

"Thanks, Sian," Carys answers as we walk inside.

The cottage is small – smaller even than the one we've been doing up.

"How are things?" Carys asks once Sian sits down.

"Not good. The mill needs too much work done. That's why your flour's only ready today. Everything's taking so long, and it's going to be impossible to make a living like this. Between Trevor's arthritis and his sight, he can't do detailed work any more, and we can't afford to pay anyone. And anyone who knows enough to do it won't help because they'd rather buy the mill from us, but while it's in the condition it is, we can't sell without leaving ourselves destitute. I don't know what to do!"

"Well, I might be able to help," Carys answers.

"What?"

"Or more exactly, Sam might be able to help."

"Sam?"

"Sam doesn't come from around here, and where she comes from, she's skilled with machines. She doesn't know this one, but she's fixed several things for me without being familiar with them. And with Trevor to guide her …"

"Carys, what's going on?" I ask.

"Sam, you don't have to help, but if you can, I'd be very grateful. Sian and Trevor are old friends, and they need someone to help them to repair the mill. If they don't, …"

"I could take a look," I offer.

"But, Sam, it's heavy work. There's the skilled work too, but …"

"We can always find some muscle," Carys insists. "Evan can help in the evenings. Why don't we let Sam take a look and see what she thinks?"

Sian takes a look at me, shakes her head and stands up.

"Come and meet Trevor," she offers.

Trevor doesn't seem any more convinced than Sian at first, but he's persuaded to give me a tour around, explaining the various parts and the problems he's already identified. As we go, the overall plan is obvious, and soon I'm volunteering things back to him and by the time we've finished, I feel like I've worked with him for ages.

"She's good," he approves to Carys.

"Told you," Carys counters.

"We can't afford to pay you," Sian warns.

"Ah, but you can," Carys corrects.

Sian looks confused but Carys continues.

"You've still got the things in your sister's house?"

"Yes, but …"

"Sam, Sian's sister died a few months ago. All her things – pots, pans, crockery, bedding … are just lying there. It's good quality too – she always liked the best."

"Would you be willing to take that?" Sian seems surprised.

"Sam and Jack've been doing up one of the cottages. They're going to need everything …"

"Yes, Sian, I'm sure there'll be things we can use."

"It's a deal then. You fix up the mill, and you can have whatever you want from the cottage. And our gratitude."

I can't help the smile that I know is on my face. I'm excited and ready to start.

"Can I go back and take another look?" I ask. "I want to start thinking about the problems so I can come up with the best solutions."

"Course you can, girl," Trevor agrees. "Come and we'll take a look."

"We need to head back in an hour," Carys warns. "And you'll be able to come back soon."

"An hour, that's fine," I agree.

The hour flies past. When Carys calls me, I'm nowhere near finished, and my mind's full of thoughts and plans.

"Come on, Sam," she warns. "We've got dinner to get ready, and the twins wanted you to play with them tonight."

We make our way back to the farm in silence. My mind's too busy with ideas, and a glance at Carys' face shows she's looking oddly pleased with herself. We're approaching the house when it finally dawns on me.

"Jack spoke to you, didn't he?"

"He did."

"And that's why …"

"I'd thought about it before. What he said just forced me to do something sooner rather than later."

"I'm sorry, Carys. You've been so good to us already. You didn't need to …"

"Sam, whatever we've done for you and Jack has been repaid. You have no idea how many people we've had on the farm who just took advantage of Evan – worse even than Bryn. You're the first to come in here and work honestly. I'm just being selfish. If there's something I can do to make sure you and Jack stay here, then I'm going to do it."

She stops the cart outside the farmhouse, and I help her down, hugging her before I let her go.

"Thanks, Carys."

"Talk to Jack, Sam. He was worried last night – feeling guilty too if I read him right."

"Guilty? Why?"

"Because he didn't spot there was a problem earlier. He's a good man and he cares a lot about you."

"I know," I hedge.

"And you love him."

"Love? Who?" Where did that come from?

"Sam, I'm not stupid. It's plain as the nose on your face. And if I read him right, he loves you too. Why do you both insist on just being friends and colleagues?"

"Carys, you're wrong. Jack … he was married and I saw him with his ex-wife not long before we got stranded. He … still loves her."

"Maybe he did then; I don't know. But he's not thinking about her now. His eyes follow you, you know?"

"No … he …"

"You're not denying how you feel."

"No."

"So, show him."  
"I … don't think I can."

"Sam, life's too short. Sometimes you've got to take a risk to be happy, but I don't even think it's much of a risk."

"I'll think about it," I offer.

"You do that. Now, I'm going to start dinner. Can you finish up here?"

"'Course I can, Carys."

While I work, I consider what she said. I'm sure she's wrong. But I don't suppose it'll hurt to watch him for a while. Who am I kidding? I watch him anyway – whenever I don't think he's looking.


	17. Chapter 17

I don't see Sam until the next evening. I've been worrying about her. If she can't fit in here, we'll have to move on, find somewhere else, but I don't see how we'd find somewhere better without a Stargate. No, it's not perfect. But what else can we do?

When I finally see her, playing some game with the twins in the farmhouse kitchen, she looks happier. I watch them for a while, just drinking in the sight of her. When the game's over, Carys sends the children off to wash before dinner.

"How'd it go last night?" I ask.

"Oh, the baby. She's fine. Mared really knows what she's doing."

"She does at that," Carys agrees. "But you don't want to let Mared hear you discuss such things with Jack. You'll upset her."

"Ok, Carys. I'll keep my mouth shut," Sam promises.

I move closer to Sam before asking, "And how're you?"

"Better. Much better. And … I think I've got a way for us to get most of what we need for the cottage."

"What? How?"

"I'm going to be doing some major repairs on a mill. I'll probably need some help – lifting and maybe making some parts – but as payment, we get to choose what we want – kitchen things and bedding – whatever we want."

"And all you've got to do is repair a windmill."

"Yeah. It's just a machine. A bit bigger than I'm used to, but ..."

I can't help it. Seeing her like that, back to herself, I pull her into a hug before I realise what I'm doing. I pull away again awkwardly.

"You can probably move into the cottage soon," Carys suggests. "It's Harvest festival in a couple of days – and that's a good time to make changes. I'm sure we can get enough things moved over by then, and if there's anything important missing, I can probably find something to get you started."

"Thanks, Carys. But I haven't started on the mill yet."

"Sian won't mind," she reassures. "You made a good impression on Trevor."

She almost blushes at that, and if I didn't know Trevor's Evan's age and married, I'd feel a little jealous.

"You ok with that, Jack?" Sam asks, looking at me closely.

"'Course I am. If you're sure we can take the things before the mill overhaul's finished."

"I'm sure," Carys promises. "You finish off the cottage repairs as soon as you can."

"I think we can probably finish that off tonight," I suggest.

"Good. Then tomorrow, we'll start moving things in."

I get the impression that I'm being manipulated by a master strategist with grey hair and twinkling brown eyes. What I don't know, is why.

JJJJJ

When I get back from working the next day, the door to our cottage is wide open. I go to see what's going on, and I'm amazed. The empty shell of a place that last night had a rough table and a couple of chairs, has been transformed. It's still basic by Earth standards, but it looks like a home. I can hear movement upstairs so I shout up, hearing Sam's voice answering.

"Come up and see," she shouts.

I climb the ladder, emerging to the upper floor. It's looking good too. Two single beds are comfortably made up and there's a wooden closet and chest too.

"What do you think?" she asks.

"It looks great, Sam. You've been busy."

"Carys too – and Mared helped for a while. And we've had four children keen to get involved."

I go over to one of the beds, really looking at it for the first time.

"Sam, these beds are short."

"I know, Jack. The trap from downstairs pretty much limits the size of things you can get up here. You can't sleep on one of them – your back'll be shot inside a week."

"Yes. The twins will have to sleep up here – at least until we've gotten some longer bed frames from somewhere."

"Look, it's ok. There's a spare mattress that I've stashed. I can sleep on that."

"Oh. Or we could share, er, alternate," I tell her. Typical. My mouth gives me away, and I hope she doesn't notice. I've got to get over this, or I'm going to drive her away for good. "So, when do you think we should move in?"

"Not tonight," she says. "The place still needs some more airing, but another day will probably do it."

"Ok," I agree.

"And anyway, Carys is doing that big Harvest festival thing. She's invited Sian and Trevor and Tegan's family and everyone else around by the sound of it. I'm going to be cooking from first light in the morning, so we should probably not decide to do much more until after then."

"Big celebration, eh?"

"As far as I can tell, it's the closest they get to our Thanksgiving. There's going to be music and dancing!"

"Dancing?"

"Yeah. Trevor plays … it sounds a bit like a violin, and people dance to the music. If it stays dry, you guys'll get to set up tables on the grass at the back of the farmhouse."

"So, all this business about tomorrow being a day off was premature then?"

"I think so. But there's no farm work beyond the daily necessities tomorrow. The rest of the day is for celebration."

"You seem more up for celebration than you were."

"Yes. I am. I'm sorry I unloaded on you. I …"

"It's fine, Sam. I'm glad you did, and I'm just sorry I didn't spot how you were feeling before."

"It's ok, Jack. I've never been big on sharing when I'm feeling down. It's always been about putting on a brave face – the whole 'good little soldier' thing that my dad drummed into Mark and me when we were growing up."

JJJJJ

The next day is bright and clear. The temperature during the day has never been that warm, and from what I've heard, it'll start dropping noticeably very soon. The seasons on this planet almost seem to be unnaturally regular, but at least if they're predictable, you can prepare.

The early morning is spent hauling furniture from the farmhouse, our cottage, Rhys's and off carts that arrive with various neighbours. We arrange them into a huge table and surround it with chairs of various designs and integrity, and then we men are chased off to the bath house. When we return, the tables have been covered in cloths of various colours, and there's silverware and drinking cups arrayed at intervals. The next hour sees the women taking short breaks from Carys' kitchen to visit the bath house, each returning in what I assume are 'best' clothes. I've certainly never seen Mared looking as good as she does in the crimson dress she wears, and when I finally see Sam, it's all I can do to keep my chin off the ground. Her dress is a mid blue colour that seems to accentuate her eyes. It falls to the ground, skimming her body on the way and accentuating every curve. Her hair, which by now is definitely not Air Force approved, has been swept up into some sort of pleat, and she looks gorgeous.

The meal, when we finally sit down, is amazing. It's mid afternoon by then, and there's course after course of things – some familiar and some very strange. There's alcohol too. I've never seen any here before. Rhys explains that the honey wine is especially made for the Harvest celebration and not drunk the rest of the year. And after a year without alcohol, it doesn't take a lot for the party to become very merry.

When the meal's over, the women move into the kitchen to wash up, but soon, most of the younger ones appear again, sent outside to enjoy the music. That's the cue for the dancing to start. I'm surprised to find Sam at my elbow as she takes me over to the family I saw earlier but haven't yet spoken to.

"Jack, I want you to meet the baby I helped to deliver," she tells me happily. "At least, Mared did the delivering, but I did the hand holding."

"Branwen, how's Tegan?" she asks.

"Still tired, and glad of some peace, I think, but I had to bring the babe here to show her off."

She pulls the swaddling from around the baby's face. She's pale-skinned but has a shock of black hair.

"What did Tegan decide to call her?" Sam asks when we get close enough.

"Seren," the proud grandmother answers. "And I can't stay long – I'll have to get this little mite back to her mother before long, but you tell Carys it's been a lovely festival."

"I will, and that … pâté you sent over – it was amazing!"

"Well, I couldn't not contribute, and that pâté's a family speciality."

Branwen seems to watch Sam for a moment before speaking. "Would you like to hold her, Sam?" she asks.

Sam nods, holding out her arms. She holds the sleeping baby close and smiles softly down at her. I reach out a single finger and stroke the baby's cheek gently. It's been a while since I've been around babies, but you never forget the softness of newborn skin.

"She's beautiful," I tell her grandmother.

"And you're a strange man, stroking another man's baby like that," she tells me, but there's no offence in her expression. "Now, go and dance with Sam. Believe me, if I didn't have the baby to look after, I'd be dancing now too."

I glance at Sam, waiting to hear some excuse from her, but there's none, so I hold out my arm and we join the throng. Now, I'm not much of a dancer, but I'd already spotted that dancing here seems to involve holding your partner and moving in time to the music. I reckon I can manage that much, although I think I should warn Sam before we start.

"No promise I won't stand on your feet," I tell her.

"I'll live," she smiles back at me.

And for the next quarter of an hour, I'm holding her in my arms as we move to the lively music. It's not really familiar, but it's easy to see it's got its origin in the music of Earth.

From our position on the improvised dance floor, I spot something that makes me smile, and I turn Sam around so she can see too. Cal is leading Gwen onto the floor and behind him, Nye has Shanna. They look cute, and Sam obviously agrees when she sees it.

"They look at home here, don't they?" she comments.

"They do," I agree. "And that's because of you."

"Not just me," she argues.

"Not just, no. So, you having fun?"

"Yes. Before … I wouldn't have thought this would be my sort of thing. But yes, it's fun. You?"

"The same." Instinctively, I pull her closer, and we start to dance again, when I hear someone calling my name. Evan's close to the farmhouse door and he's waving me over.

"I'll be right back," I promise, planting a kiss on her cheek. It's within what we've done – demonstrating affection in public, but it's only with an effort that I don't kiss her on the lips, changing everything.

Evan wants some help moving one of the tables, and it takes us a few minutes to get it loaded onto one of the carts. Someone – probably Branwen – needs to leave early and they're collecting the things they brought along. When I'm done, I look around for Sam, but she's disappeared.

I push down the disappointment. I'd hoped she'd been enjoying the dance as much as I had and that she'd be waiting where I left her, but apparently I was wrong.

It's noisy. The music is barely audible over the noise that's just people enjoying themselves. I can only put a name to about half of those present, but they all seem to know me, greeting me as I make my way through the crowd. I spot Sian, standing close to where Trevor's keeping the music going, and I approach.

"Having fun?" I ask her.

"Oh, sure. Trevor never was much of one for dancing, so he's happy to play for everyone."

"How about you?"

"Oh, I used to love to dance when I was young. Too old for it now."

"Nonsense," I tell her. "In fact, if you don't think Trevor will hit me, I'd be happy to take your arm," I offer.

Her face lights up, and I pull her to her feet, placing an arm loosely around her waist, and starting to move to the music.

Just a few moments later, Sian is obviously tired, and I lead her back to her seat.

"Not as young as I used to be," she apologises. "But thank you."

"No, thank you," I tell her.

"And tell Sam not to worry about coming to the mill early in the morning. We're going to our daughter's tonight and staying there for most of tomorrow, so we won't get back until later."

"I'll tell her, but I don't think you'll be able to keep her away."

"Well, she can let herself in. You're a lucky man, you know. She's a very special lady. If Trevor were forty years younger, I'd have a fight to keep him."

"She is that, but then so are you," I compliment her.

"Flatterer," she says, punching me gently on the shoulder. "And talking of Sam, what have you done with her?"

"I was looking for her when I saw you."

"Then what're you waiting for? Go and find her."

I leave Sian and spot Carys, dancing with Evan. The initial clean up must be finished. I approach to see if they've seen Sam.

"I thought I saw her going towards your cottage," Carys answers.

I thank her and walk that way. When I haven't spotted her by the time I get there, I open the door, and then I hear it.

"Bryn, I told you to go."

"And I told you to shut up. I just saw your Jack off dancing with someone else, so I thought I'd come and keep you company. And you can't even be civil."

They both turn as my shadow darkens the open doorway.

"She told you to go," I remind him, walking in to her

"She only said that for your benefit," he gloats, and I put an arm around Sam's shoulders to show just how little his comment means to me.

Going to Sam served two purposes: it allowed me to provide a barrier between them and it gave Bryn a free path to the open door. I'm relieved that he uses it. Not that I don't want to start something, but this isn't the right time.

"You ok, Sam?"

"I'm fine."

I put a hand under her chin and raise her face so I can see it better.

"You look fine," I agree. She smiles, and there's a hint of a blush there too before she pulls away.

"You want to dance again?"

She looks at me as if she's unsure how to answer. At last, she nods. I put an arm around her waist and lead her back to the music.

No sooner do we join the dancers than the music stops. I'm disappointed, but determined to keep my arm around her. Apart from the fact that I'm enjoying the contact with her, I need to make it clear to Bryn and anyone else who might doubt who she belongs to.

It's only after I think it that I realise how that sounded. Sam doesn't belong to me; she doesn't belong to anyone but herself. I know that. Maybe I've been here too long – among men who think of women as something to possess – whether wives or daughters. And that's part of it, but it's not all. I want her to be mine. I couldn't cope if someone else put his arm around her, and the idea that someone else might kiss her, hold her, share her bed … makes me break out in a cold sweat.

The afternoon passes into evening, and families with small children leave. Carys leads Sam, Mared and some of the other women to lay out a second array of food and with it, more honey wine. After we've eaten, the older children are sent off to bed, and as darkness falls, the music starts again but it's slower, gentler, and couples are soon swaying to it. As soon as Sam reappears from clearing food from the tables, I grab her, leading her to the makeshift dance floor and pulling her into my arms.

This is different. This isn't affection; it's need. I know I've had too much honey wine and that's affecting my behaviour. I love her. I want her, and it's got nothing to do with keeping her from Bryn. I half expect her to push me away, but once the initial surprise is over, she holds me as tight as I do her.

I don't know how long we dance. I vaguely notice that there are fewer people around, but I only pull my attention from her when the music stops. It's the moment I've been dreading because I don't have any excuse to hold her now. Any second, she's going to pull away and it'll be over.

But she doesn't. Carys appears, looking tired but grinning. I move away from Sam with regret. I almost get the impression that she's as reluctant as I am.

"Sam, Jack, go. Spend the night in your cottage – we've got Cal and Shanna. They're already asleep."

"But …" I start.

"You two! If there was somewhere I could lock you in together, I'd do it. So I'll settle for sending you both to your cottage. Talk, sort things out between you, but don't you dare come out until you both know how the other feels."

I don't believe what she just said, and I suspect I'm gaping at her. I manage to regain enough control of myself to glance at Sam, and her expression's pretty much like I suspect mine is.

"What're you waiting for? Everything's ready. Go. Shoo."


	18. Chapter 18

Dancing with Jack during the afternoon was great. When he pulls me into his arms after the sun's gone down and we dance to the gentler, sensuous music, I know that I've been affected by the honey wine. It's intoxicating, but different from other drinks. It seems to intensify my feelings for Jack, and I assume it's adjusting his behaviour too, allowing him to act instinctively. I've known for a while that he finds me attractive, but I've been determined not to settle for that. The way I feel about him is so much more than lust, but for the first time, I'm tempted to just let go and to hell with tomorrow.

To my surprise, Jack doesn't try to take me somewhere private but just keeps dancing, holding me, and I know people are leaving, and finally, the music stops. We pause, and I'm waiting for something – either for him to pull away or to demand more. He does neither, just easing away far enough to look at me. I know he wants me, but the way he's looking at me, I can almost convince myself it's more than that. Almost.

Carys appears from nowhere. "Jack, Sam, if there was somewhere I could lock the two of you in, I'd do it. So I'll settle for sending you both to your cottage. Talk, sort things out between you, but don't you dare come out until you both know how the other feels."

She seems to think she knows something, and I'm expecting her intervention to force Jack into pulling away, injecting realism into the dreamlike state we've been inhabiting while we were dancing. Instead, he looks at me closely. He looks shell-shocked.

"What're you waiting for? Everything's ready. Go. Shoo," Carys insists, waving her arms in the direction of our cottage. Without discussion, we move.

Once inside, Jack spends a moment lighting a couple of candles while I wait nervously. He turns to face me at last, and if I didn't know better, I'd say Jack O'Neill's scared.

"Sam," he starts. "Look, I don't know if it's just that damn wine, but, no, well, I know it's not for me. I don't want to pretend to be with you any more. I will if that's what you want, but … I … want more."

I'm torn. I want to go to him, to tell him that I want him too, but I manage to hold back. Just.

"Jack, I … can't. I care too much about you, and if it's just physical, then I don't think I could bear it."

His face falls at my words, but then something changes. It's as though he's analysing something.

"You … care. Sam, what do you mean – if it's just physical? It's not, not for me. I care too. No, damn it. That's not true. I love you. I don't know when it happened, but it's been killing me having to pretend when I'm not pretending. When the real pretending is holding back. And I know it's wrong, that I'm wrong for you, but I can't stop."

Those words have a different effect. The small space between us is covered in a second.

"Jack, I love you. How could that be wrong?"

He doesn't answer with words, but with a kiss. It starts tentatively, as if he doesn't fully trust what I said, but soon, I'm lost in it. When we finally break apart to breathe, we stand close, arms around each other, our foreheads touching.

"God, Sam, I love you. But we've … we've got to be careful."

"Careful?" My brain's having problems processing anything beyond the fact that he loves me.

"Careful, Sam. There's no … birth control here. No hospital, no doctors. I can't … won't … I want to make love to you but we're going to have to be careful."

It takes me a moment to think it through. He's offering to limit our physical relationship so that I don't get pregnant.

"Jack, why? Don't you want children? Oh …"

It dawns on me. He doesn't want children because of what happened to Charlie. I'm amazed at the total disappointment I feel. I'd always thought about children in the future. Some dim and distant future when I'd achieved whatever goals I'd set myself. Now? With him? With all those goals I had consigned to my imagination?

"If that's what you want, Jack," I tell him, trying desperately not to let the disappointment show.

"Not what I want, Sam. What I need. It's too risky. I … I couldn't bear to lose you. If something happened …"

"Not because you don't want children," I state, looking for confirmation.

"No, Sam. Seeing that baby this afternoon … I'd love to have kids with you, but …"

"Jack, this is it," I tell him, motioning around me. "This is our life. Those people we spent the day with – they're our life. Our world. We can either live with that or we can hide. If this is our life, then I want all of it, and that includes children. And I'm not going to half-live because of fear of what might happen. I might lose you. There's risk in everything we do, but we still do it. And it's not as if we're alone here. Mared's good. On Earth, what she did last night – delivering a baby like that would've meant a C-section, but she did it. Tegan's fine – probably in better shape than if she'd had a section, and the baby – well, you saw her. She's perfect. And one day, I want a perfect baby too – one that's ours."

At least twice while I was speaking he's tried to butt in, but a simple hand on his arm has stopped him. Now I want him to talk, he's silent. I know it's only for seconds, but it feels unnaturally long.

"What did I do to deserve you?" he manages at last.

I don't answer, just kiss him. And after that, processing anything becomes impossible. There's a blur of kisses and clothing and touches and then there's our bed – the one we'd planned to share by using it on alternating nights – and it seems so big when we want to be so close, and we're touching and kissing and there's sound and I know some of it's coming from me but it seems alien.

And then reality comes flooding back as we finally end up naked on the bed, Jack looking down at me.

"Are you sure, Sam? Because I won't let you go after this."

"I'm sure, Jack. I'm certain."

We make love then, and it's not perfect, but it's pretty damn amazing, and being held by him after is better than I can believe.

Each time I wake during the night, I'm reminded of who's sharing the bed with me. Either he's holding me tight as he sleeps or he's awake and watching me. Not that he limits himself to watching once he knows I'm awake. I've slept with a few men – I was engaged to one of them - but I don't remember ever feeling so completely at peace before. Even when our lovemaking becomes frantic, there's still a peace about it that I think comes from my total belief that this is where I'm meant to be. That somehow, Jack and I are meant to be together and that it's our old life – the one at the SGC with its rules and regulations – that's somehow out of sync. with how things should be.

I sound fanciful to myself, so I'm not about to share these thoughts with anyone. I don't believe in fate or Karma or anything I can't analyse with equations and experimentation. I just know how I feel.

I wake in the morning to find he's already up and he's got the stove lit. It even looks like he's raided Carys' kitchen for food because I know there wasn't any here yesterday. It's still early, and despite what's happened, I remember I've got an appointment with a mill this morning. I'm looking forward to it. What it lacks in complexity it makes up for in sheer size.

"Good morning," Jack greets me with a kiss. I put my arms around his neck and pull him closer for a moment before I hear my stomach making its need for food evident. We laugh together, and he serves me a bowl of porridge.

"So, you going to the mill this morning?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'll walk over there when I'm dressed. I'm going to spend the day making measurements and thinking about alternatives. I asked Evan if I could take the cart with me, in case there're any parts that I need to bring back here, but he said it's needed this morning, so he'll send it over later."

He smiles at me, or maybe at my enthusiasm.

"What about you?"

"Well, there's some clearing up still to do from yesterday, but once that's done, there're some more fences that need mending. Unless something more urgent's come up since yesterday."

"School starts again tomorrow, doesn't it?"

"Yes. I'll speak to Rhys and Mared. There's no point in them taking Gwen and Nye into the village when they can go with us. You still want to go in with them?"

"First day? Sure I do."

"Good. They're doing well, but I think we should both be there. They're getting more like other kids - even talking back sometimes!"

"Yeah. I noticed. Getting them to bed's been getting harder and harder."

"And now we've got an extra motivation for getting them to sleep really early," Jack says, reaching across the table to kiss me.

"We do, don't we?" I answer between kisses, before I pull away.

"Jack, I've got to go over to the farmhouse to get changed. We can move the rest of our stuff over later, that ok?"

"Yes. I don't want to share a room with the kids any more!"

Walking away is hard. What I really want to do is pull him back to bed, but I promised to get the mill repaired and we've already had our payment, so … Anyway, there's always tonight.

It's cooler this morning as I walk out to the mill. Carys has been teaching me to knit, and I've got a sweater almost finished for Jack. I'm going to need one too, and then there's the twins … Once I've got Jack's finished, I can work on them in the evenings. I want his to be a surprise.

I'm pretty amazed at myself. Before we got stuck here, I never would have thought of myself as someone who'd knit a sweater for a guy. I mean … just no way. But Carys uses knitting as a way to pace herself during the day – resting her body while still being productive – and she pointed out that winter can be pretty cold. She agreed to teach me, and once she thought I'd gotten good enough, she gave me yarn to knit for Jack. She told me how many stitches and how many rows, and I've been working on it for a while.

I vaguely remember that Sian and Trevor were going to spend the day at their daughter's, so I'm not surprised that there's no one around when I arrive. I let myself into the mill and get to work. I hardly notice the hours passing as I make notes on some slates I found in the market. When I finally stop for lunch, I'm surprised to note that it's already well into the afternoon. I eat quickly and go to finish what I'd started because I need to get Evan to help me remove a couple of larger parts so I can take them back for repair. The rest I can do here next time I visit.

I hear footsteps below and call down. I know from Carys that Evan shouldn't be climbing up to me.

"Hey, Evan. I'll be there in a minute."

He doesn't answer, but he is a man of few words, so I'm not surprised. I pick up my things, and make my way down the ladder to ground level. I'm just turning around to greet Evan when a hand is clamped over my mouth and someone pulls me down the last step. I'm swung around so my back is against the wall of the mill, and then I see my assailant. Bryn.

"Just you and me now, Sam. Just you and me. See, I was listening yesterday. You hear the most interesting things if you keep your ears open, and you know what your girl said?"

"You mean Shanna?"

He ignores my question. "She said it's good to have you right there when she has a bad dream. She said she likes sleeping in the same bed as you. And if she's sleeping with you, then I don't think Jack is. You're either not really bonded to him or you think you're too good for us men. Either way, I'm going to show you what you're missing."

"Bryn, let me go now," I say as calmly as I can manage.

He laughs, pushing his body close to mine, leaving very little to my imagination. His breath is foul with more than a hint of stale honey wine, and one hand moves to my front, squeezing one of my breasts and then yanking on my dress, causing it to split. He pushes his hand inside, gripping my breast harder, kneading it painfully.

Right now, I'm stuck. He's got me off balance against the wall with most of his weight pushing me into the hard surface. It's pretty obvious what he's got in mind, and I know I'll get my chance, but I have to wait for him to move.

His mouth's on my neck, slobbering and biting, and he's grinding his hips into me. I feel slightly sick, but I push the feeling away. Once I've kicked him where it hurts, then I'll get reacquainted with my lunch.

His hand's inside my dress, pushing lower, causing the rip to run further down. My underclothes are the type they wear here, and it doesn't take much for him to dispose of them, the thin cloth giving easily. I'd hoped it wouldn't go this far, but I still haven't had my opportunity.

"See? This is what he should've been doing. You're not even fighting back! You want this. Admit it!" His voice sounds unnaturally gruff as his hand leaves me to unfasten his own clothing. That's what I've been waiting for. With the decrease in weight on me, I manage to bring up my knee, hitting him hard. He yelps and falls back, giving me time to get into position.

He recovers quickly. "You'll pay for that, bitch!"

I wait for him to attack. He lunges, but there's no thought behind it, and I suspect he's still half-drunk. He's obviously a man who's used to relying on strength and body weight. I use his momentum to make him fall awkwardly against the opposite wall, and then I'm ready again.

I sense someone else. My eyes are on Bryn as he gets up off the floor, but I flick my vision to the doorway before returning my attention to my assailant. It's Jack. Our eye contact could be measured in a fraction of a second, but I clearly see the process in his mind as he takes in the situation and when he decides to let me handle it.


	19. Chapter 19

I knew Evan was due to meet Sam here, and when I spotted him taking the cart to the mill, I decided to surprise her. She's been on my mind all day. It's not like I've had to think about what I'm doing. It's work that gives me lots of time to remember last night. And imagine tonight. I need to see her again, to touch her, or I'm half-scared it'll all turn out to be a dream.

As soon as the mill's in sight, I run ahead. I can't wait another second, but I hear a scuffle as I get close. From the doorway I see Sam, her dress torn and one breast exposed. My eyes move from her to the form of Bryn on the floor. He looks dazed. I glance back to Sam, and this time her gaze meets mine. My first reaction is to kill Bryn, but something in her eyes tells me she wants to handle it. I clench my fists and take a deep breath. I'll let her. For now.

"Ah, I wondered why she changed her mind," he taunts. His voice sounds a little slurred. "She was willing a minute ago and I thought she was just a tease, but she must've seen you."

I ignore him, taking the opportunity to talk to Sam.

"You ok, Sam?"

"Sure, Jack, nothing I can't handle."

"Thought so. You don't mind me watching, do you?" I keep my voice soft, trying desperately to sound calm and uncaring when all I want to do is rip him apart.

"Feel free," she answers, mirroring my casual tone. That's got to make him mad. She turns her full attention back to Bryn, but Bryn's not finished with trying to get to me.

"Yes, Jack, watch. That how you get your kicks? Not man enough to take her. Not man enough to fight for her."

"Don't need to fight for her," I acknowledge Bryn for the first time. "Looks like she's got you beaten anyway."

Bryn shows the first sign of panic at that. He lunges again, and Sam avoids him, managing to deflect him so he hits his head hard on the stone floor. She circles towards him, making sure he's not getting up for a while. His expression's so dazed, I'm just surprised his eyes are open at all.

"You finished with him, Sam?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Good." I finally make my way right inside the mill, and I pull Bryn up by his shirt. Evan's right behind me and has been for a while, and I know he knows exactly what happened. I push Bryn against the wall, my face scant inches from his.

"You ever touch Sam again, and when she's finished with you, I'll kill you, slowly and painfully. Got that?"

He manages to nod. I pull him up again before throwing him out of the door. I hear Evan's voice then, telling Bryn that he's just lost both his home and his job. I turn my attention back to Sam, taking in the torn clothes, the redness around her neck and the fact that she's breathing heavily. The idea that Bryn saw her like that – that he touched her … I take off my shirt and offer it to her. She pulls it on over her dress, covering herself.

I pull away and look at her carefully. "What did that bastard do to you, Sam? Did he …?"

"No, Jack. It didn't get that far. He wouldn't have gotten as far as he did if he hadn't had me pinned against the wall. He took me by surprise as I was coming down the ladder. I thought it was Evan."

I stroke a finger down her face, past her chin and onto her neck. She winces then, and I apologise.

"Sorry."

"It'll be fine. Look, let's get out of here."

Evan's managed to get Bryn onto the cart. He really doesn't look up to walking far, and his hair's matted with blood where he hit his head.

"I'm taking him back to the farm so he can collect his things, then I'm going to dump him at his cousin's in the village. Take your time getting back and I'll make sure he's gone before you do."

"Thanks, Evan," Sam tells him, her voice surprisingly calm. I know from talking to Evan that there's no real law here – that the nearest thing is the approval or otherwise of other people. Evan's response might be all the punishment he gets.

"Don't you worry, Sam," Evan continues. "By the time I've told a few friends about how he couldn't hold his own against you, he's going to be a laughing stock."

"Don't," she asks.

"What? Why, Sam?" I don't understand.

"Jack," she says softly, for my ears only. "What's changed about not wanting to stand out?"

See? She's way brighter than I am. She even remembers the mission objectives after what's just happened. "She's right," I reluctantly tell Evan. "Don't mention it – at least for as long as he stays away from us."

"If that's what you want."

"It is," Sam confirms.

Evan leads the horse back towards the village. I spend a few minutes locking up before we follow. I ask if she wants to take it slowly, but she insists she just wants to go home.

The children are happily playing outside Rhys and Mared's, and if they notice the fact that Sam's wearing my shirt, they don't mention it. We avoid Bryn's cottage with the cart outside it, moving directly to our own. Once inside, I take her behind the curtain to our bed area and start to undress her.

"Let me see where you're hurt," I coax her.

"I'm fine, really, Jack."

"Humour me, Sam. I want to see for myself. That and I just want to look at you …" And then I realise what I'm doing. "Unless you don't want … Sorry, Sam, I'm a bit dense sometimes. He tried to rape you. The last thing you want is another man with his hands on you."

"You're right, Jack."

I freeze. I've screwed up, and I just hope I can make it right again. To my surprise, she continues.

"The last thing I want is another man's hands on me. But you're not another man, and having your hands on me seems like a good way to forget what happened."

She smiles shyly at me, and I manage to smile back.

"God, Sam, I can be a jerk sometimes. Just … please, tell me when I get things wrong. Don't … don't let me screw this up. Please."

"It's ok, Jack. The only way you'd have screwed this up is if you hadn't let me handle it. But you did."

My mind is full of the idea of my hands on her and the inevitable escalation of that, but it's not practical. The twins are outside, and there's nothing to stop them just coming in. Later, once they're asleep, there'll be time to see if she's ready. Now … I complete my perusal of her body and pull the cover over her.

"Rest for a bit. I'll go and get a bath ready for you." I lean down to kiss her gently.

She smiles up at me.

"Thanks, Jack. A bath would be wonderful."

While Sam's bathing, I round up the children and go to the farmhouse to collect leftovers from yesterday. In fact, calling them leftovers is not giving them credit. The quantity and quality are such that when we sit to eat, it's almost as good as the feast. Then, we clean up and start to move all our things into the cottage.

As we work, I can't get the memory of that bastard touching Sam out of my mind. If ever I wanted to kill someone … but I knew she had to handle it. Just like it had to be her who fought Turgan, she had to show Bryn that he couldn't force her. But, God help me, if he touches her again …

As I go to collect the last of our things, Evan takes me aside.

"Just thought you should know – when I was clearing out Bryn's cottage, I found jars – empty honey wine jars. He must've taken several with him after the feast. I think he'd been drinking pretty heavily."

"Well, he didn't seem too coordinated," I admit. "But it doesn't change what happened."

"No, Jack, it doesn't. And I'm not going back on what I said. He's not welcome here any more. I'm not stupid. I know you won't stay here if he's around. And I won't ask Sam to have to see him. But … I think he's learned his lesson. He had too much to drink and he did something stupid. You don't need to do anything about it."

"Evan, he might've been drunk, but he's threatened Sam while he was sober. I think he's trouble."

"But … there was no real harm done …"

"Evan, he hurt Sam. And if he hadn't been as drunk, if Sam wasn't able to handle herself … we would've been too late. If I hear he's giving any other woman a hard time, I will do something about it."

"And I'll help you," he promises.

I'm almost tempted to tell him that I know Bryn's raped before, but that'll just open a can of worms I won't be able to close. Still, maybe if Mared ever gets the courage to tell Rhys, there's more chance she'll be believed now.

Back at the cottage, everything seems brighter. The twins are in high spirits, arranging things upstairs with Gwen and Nye helping. If they realise that my relationship with Sam has changed, they don't say anything. We hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements in the cottage with them in too much detail – only telling them that they'd be sleeping in the loft. Sam seems surprisingly calm, arranging things in the kitchen and unpacking her meagre supply of clothes.

It's surprisingly easy to get the twins upstairs when it's bedtime. But judging by the laughter and footsteps we hear, sleep's going to take a while. The desire to touch Sam is overwhelming. After avoiding my feelings for so long, even brushing against her as we work is arousing, and judging by the way she looks at me, it's mutual.

Much later, after the kids finally go to sleep and we get the chance to undress each other behind the curtain that's our only privacy, we make love again. Afterwards, I know there's only one thing that could make things more perfect, but I'm not sure it's what she wants. I almost start to speak a dozen times, before changing my mind again. Why would I want to spoil this?

"What is it, Jack?" she asks at last, touching my face. I kiss her palm. I should've known I couldn't fool her.

"What makes you think there's something?"

"Oh, just … the way you keep tensing, as if you're going to speak."

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that."

I raise myself up on one elbow to look at her. "Well, there was something I wanted to ask. But then I thought, why would I want to change anything? This, …" I wave my hands in patented Jack O'Neill style, trying to convey in a gesture the wonder that is us, lying naked in bed together, "is amazing. It should be enough. Hell, it is enough, but …"

"But what, Jack?"

"Well, I know we're supposed to be bonded and all, but … from what I've heard, a bonding ceremony's a pretty personal thing, just promises. And … and I'd like us to be bonded for real. But if you don't, …"

"I'd like that," she tells me.

"You'd? Really?" I can't believe she's willing.

"Yes. This thing we've got … it's not a fling, not for me."

"Good," I sigh in relief. "Because if we were home, I'd be getting down on one knee. Does that scare you?"

"No. If you did get down on one knee, I'd say yes."

I kiss her, quickly drowning in the sensation that's rapidly becoming a necessity. Things are getting heated between us when we hear the now familiar sound of Cal screaming. We're both on our feet, hurriedly pulling on our night clothes before scampering up the ladder. We take our usual stations, Sam getting into bed with Shanna and me whispering to Cal to try to wake him.

I wish we had some way of helping them through this. If we were on Earth, there'd be professionals – people trained to get kids through trauma. Not that I trust them as a rule, but I know they need more than we can offer them.

And then I hear Sam's voice, gently asking Shanna to tell her about the nightmares. She starts, her voice halting, recalling the details we'd read from her mother's perspective. Suddenly, I hear Sam gasp as if in pain.

"S …sorry," Shanna apologises. "I … forgot."

"You ok, Sam?" I ask.

"Yeah. Fine. I … just felt … Shanna, can you put images and feelings into my mind?"

I hear a whispered affirmative. There's movement and then Shanna's voice, slightly panicked. "Don't touch me, Sam. You'll be ok if you don't touch me. I'll be ok in a minute."

"Can Cal do the same?" Sam asks.

"No. But with him, I don't need to be touching. I can pick things out of his mind any time, and he can get things from mine, but only mine."

"Shanna, I wish I could help you forget …"

"I can't forget."

"I know."

I hear movement again, and I know Sam's trying to calm Shanna for sleep.

Cal falls asleep quickly, and I make my way downstairs. I'm more tired than I've felt for a while – the drama and fury of earlier coupled with the lack of sleep last night, finally catching up with me. The bed looks welcoming, but I can't bear the thought of getting into it without Sam, so I wait.

Finally, I hear her footsteps on the ladder. I wait, close to the bed, and take her in my arms.

"I thought you'd be asleep," she tells me.

"Waiting for you."

"Did you hear what Shanna said?"

"I did. Did you actually feel …?"

"It started, but she pulled away. But I saw her parents, I saw them struggling to save their children, heard their screams and shouts."

I pull her down onto our bed, holding her in my arms. Some time later, we finally fall asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning, our first job is to take the children to school. The twins are excited, and their friends pleased to have them along – especially with the added treat of being able to ride on the cart. We leave them there, and Jack walks me to the mill, where between us, we remove the parts I need to fix, load them onto the cart and take them back to our cottage. While we work, we agree to be bonded as soon as possible, and agree to tell only those who already know our history isn't real. It makes sense – it's safer for Mared and Rhys not to tell them, but it still saddens me.

I need to help Carys with some things before I can work on the parts, and I'm in a hurry to give her the news. When I tell her about Jack's proposal, she hugs me, and immediately describes in some detail the day she was bonded to Evan. That was a big affair, with Evan's family and many friends present. Ours is going to have to be simpler.

"Your cottage would be best – Mared and Rhys sometimes come round to the farmhouse uninvited. And after, Shanna and Cal can spend the night with us, give you some privacy."

"You don't have to do that!"

"I know we don't. But we're going to anyway."

"Ok. What do we need?"

"We need you and Jack, some witnesses and the promises you're going to make."

"Isn't there a standard promise?"

"Not really, although the form is normally a promise to be together for life. Short is fine."

"Ok," I agree.

"Oh, and wear that new dress I made. Jack couldn't take his eyes off you during the feast."

I blush at that.

"What's to be embarrassed about? The man loves you! And you love him. It's just a shame it took you both so long to realise how the other felt."

I don't answer her, but I agree. It's a shame we didn't realise sooner.

SSSSS

Three weeks later, the day of our bonding is routine at first. The children go to school,and I return to the mill with Jack to put the final parts back. I need to make some small adjustments, but I can do those without help, so he leaves me there and goes to help Evan. Later, Trevor and I give the mill a trial run, and we're both pleased with the result. I finally manage to get away after hugs from both Sian and Trevor, and spend the rest of the day working with Carys.

We eat our evening meal, and the children clean up after it, giving me time to go to the bath house.

I can't believe how nervous I am. This is my wedding day in all but name, and nerves seem to be acceptable, but somehow, I associate them with not being sure. And I am sure – I'm absolutely certain that this is what I want.

At last, we stand, facing one another, both my hands held in his, with Evan, Carys, Shanna and Cal looking on. There's no set format, but we agreed that Jack would go first. I'm relieved to notice that he's nervous too, since it seems only fair that we're both suffering.

"Samantha, our lives changed just months ago. And with the change in our lives, came changes between us. I like to think we were friends before, but the time that we've been away from home, you've become the centre of my life. I want to have you there, at the centre of everything, for the rest of my life. I love you, Samantha, and wish to be bonded with you, till death us do part."

At that point, Jack pulls something out of his pocket, lifting my left hand. It's a ring – made of what looks like gold but probably isn't. Rings don't play a part in bonding in this culture, but that doesn't seem to matter to Jack, and it really doesn't matter to me. He puts it on the third finger of my hand before kissing both the ring and my finger.

There's a lump in my throat by the time he's finished, and I have to swallow several times to clear it enough to speak. It was all beautiful, but that last part, the 'till death us do part' bit and the ring – his meaning is so clear. I know he means it to be a commitment wherever we are, lasting even if we, by some miracle, ever get home.

He's looking worried. I know it's taken me too long to start, but that stupid lump just wouldn't go away. At last, I take a deep breath and speak.

"Jack, before we got here, I trusted you with my life, and you trusted me with yours. From that beginning, my feelings for you have grown and changed, and now I'm ready to trust you with everything that I am or will become. I love you, Jack, and wish to be bonded with you, till death do us part."

That last bit wasn't quite what I'd planned to say although the meaning was much the same, but I changed it to mirror his words because they had moved me, and to let him know that I mean the commitment to last whatever happens to us. I wish I'd thought about getting a ring too.

We stand there, holding hands, not sure what to do next, when I hear Evan's voice breaking the silence.

"Well, kiss her, then!"

He does, kissing me thoroughly and for longer than strictly necessary.

After that, there are congratulations and hugs all round, and Evan produces a jar with some honey wine left over from the harvest feast. The adults each have a glass, and Carys sends the twins upstairs to collect everything they need for tonight and tomorrow morning. Shortly after that, we're alone.

"It's beautiful," I tell him, admiring the ring on my finger.

"No, it's not. It's the best I could get under the circumstances, but it's a promise. If I can ever do it, I'll replace it with a proper engagement and wedding ring."

"No, Jack."

"Sam, I …" He's confused.

"No. I don't want it replaced. Not ever. It – everything, the ring, the ceremony – was perfect. I couldn't have asked for better if we'd been on Earth and we'd had months to prepare."

"You mean you don't want the whole big party and white dress thing?"

"What's important is that we're together."

"You're amazing, Sam."

"You're pretty special yourself, Jack."

"No. I'm an old soldier. I'm too old for you, and I'm half convinced that I'll wake up and none of this will be true."

"I feel the same. That you couldn't really want me. That …"

"Sam, any man would want you. You're beautiful, brilliant, loving, loyal … And I'm the lucky bastard who can do this."

He kisses me again, and inevitably, that leads us to our bed.

It's all still new, but we're gradually learning about each other, and each time we make love it's better than the time before. The night passes in an almost dreamlike sequence of touching him, feeling him and sleeping in his arms. He makes me feel like the most special person in the galaxy, and I just hope I make him feel a fraction as good as I do.

The morning comes too soon, and there's work to be done. The weather is turning colder each day, and we need to prepare for winter. I know Jack's got to spend the day with Evan, sorting out our contribution to the village quota – a proportion of the harvest that's intended to be offered to the Goa'uld. And Carys and I've got to set about preparing some fruit and vegetables for winter storage.

It's good that the work is mindless, because my thoughts are full of Jack all day. It's only when I cut my finger for the third time that Carys gently takes the knife from me and sends me to get the jars out of storage that I realise just how distracted I am.

"Sam, when you've brought the jars, go and make some tea. I'll finish up and we can take a break."

"Carys, I don't need …"

"Sam? How much sleep did you get last night?"

I blush instead of answering.

"Exactly. So, take it easy today."

SSSSS

The weeks that follow are happy. We're still working hard each day, spending time with the twins in the evenings, and the nights are filled with Jack. The weather gets colder and the days shorter. In the evenings, after we've eaten, I'm often working on something for someone. It's amazing just how many machines people use, and even more amazing that there's no one else who seems to be able to mend and improve them. And with my earnings, we're able to buy things for the cottage, things to make our lives more comfortable, and able to repay Carys for the things she donated to allow us to move into the cottage when we did.

Today dawned significantly colder than any so far. There's no snow, but there's a hard frost. I'm surprised that I can't find Carys in any of her usual early morning haunts, and so I go to the farmhouse looking for her. She's sitting at her table, her head in her hands.

"Carys, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Sam. I'm just a little tired," she tells me, but I'm not convinced. I put a hand on her forehead. She's warm. I take a closer look at her. She's paler than usual too.

"Carys, you're got a fever. Are you sure you're ok?"

"To be honest, I'm not feeling too great. I'm kind of sore … all over."

"Ok. Off to bed."

"No, I'll be fine …" She tries to stand up, but she's so unsteady, I have to help her to sit back down.

"No, you're not fine. Bed. Now."

She looks at me, and I think she's going to argue, but she doesn't.

"Ok," she finally agrees.

It's not easy to get her upstairs. She's so unsteady on her feet that I'm having to take most of her weight. I help her to undress and tuck her into bed before going to get Mared. It looks like flu to me, and if we were on Earth, I'd dose her with something to bring down her fever and ease her aches, but here?

Mared takes one look at Carys, then puts her hand to her forehead and finally checks her pulse.

"What can you do?" I ask.

"Keep her comfortable," she answers.

"Don't you have any medicine?"

"Don't you have any from Molokka?" she asks, but it's obvious she's seen through our ruse. "But then you're not from Molokka, are you?"

"Mared, I …"

"I'm not angry, Sam. But I know Carys' story. When you know your bond partner's mother comes from another planet, it's not too hard to spot the signs. So, do you have anything?"

"No. I hoped you had something."

"Then we're just going to have to wait."

An hour later, Carys' fever is much worse. When Rhys appears a while later, Mared sends him to find Evan and Jack.

If Char'ak hadn't taken all our things from us, I'd have something – even just aspirin – to give her, and I'd feel like I was doing something. As it is, all I can do is try to keep her cool by mopping her exposed skin with cool cloths. She opens her eyes from time to time, but I don't think she's lucid.

Evan appears twenty minutes later, rushing to his wife's side. Mared's looking pale, and I send her downstairs with Rhys to rest. I go out to the landing for a moment to give Evan and Carys some privacy, before returning with clean water to continue trying to cool her down.

Soon, it's time for someone to collect the children, and Jack agrees to go into the village. When Evan hears the arrival of the children downstairs, he sends me down to them, telling me that he'll continue to tend Carys for a while. Downstairs, Rhys and Mared are trying to tell the children what's happened. Jack's there too.

"Why's Grandmother sick?" Nye asks. "Is it like that time when I had a cough?"

"No, not quite," Mared explains gently. "I think your grandmother has the winter sickness."

Gwen doesn't seem to understand, but Nye does. He calls out an immediate 'No!' and rushes to his mother for comfort.

"Winter sickness?" I ask.

Rhys looks at me sadly.

"You've never heard of winter sickness?"

"Not by that name," I tell him. "What is it?"

"It's what you've seen. It afflicts the old and the weak. It comes on quickly, normally during cold weather but sometimes not. It took Mared's parents last winter."

"But people get better from it, don't they?" I try to put a positive idea into his mind.

"Not from winter sickness," he insists. "Within two days, she'll be gone."


	21. Chapter 21

I don't realise how bad the news is until after I get back from collecting the kids. Then, I hear Rhys trying to explain to his children what's happened to their grandmother, and it's obvious he's preparing them for her to die.

When Sam comes down a little later for more water, I go straight to her. She immediately comes to me for a hug. She holds me tight for a moment before pulling away a little.

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Looks like it. I can't help but think if we just had some of the drugs from our med kit … but Char'ak wouldn't let us keep anything. It's a fever, and it's getting worse. Evan's … that poor man. He hasn't left her side since he got here, but …"

There are tears in her eyes, and I kiss her cheek.

"Anything I can do?"

She shakes her head. "Evan needs to be there, and I'm happy to help out. Rhys and Mared need to be with their children."

I nod, kissing her again before releasing her.

Cal and Shanna have picked up on the sadness, and they've been sitting together, doing their silent communication thing. I know how fond they've become of Carys, so I go and sit between them, raising an arm for each of them to come to me. They do, curling in either side of me.

"You know what's happening?" I check.

"Carys is sick. They think she's going to die," Cal answers.

"Yes." I instinctively tighten my grip on both of them, but Shanna wiggles her way out.

"We can help."

"Sure you can. Nye and Gwen will need you …"

"No, I mean we can help Carys."

"I don't think so," I disagree.

"We can," Shanna insists. She looks past me to Cal, apparently answering something he said silently.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Shanna starts. "Mother and Father said we shouldn't tell anyone about it, but before we were taken to the lab … we could help people – people who were sick."

"Help? How?"

"We had to touch them and think about making them well."

"That's it?"

"Well, Mother and Father said that we couldn't do it on our own then, but we'd be able to do it when we were older."

"If you couldn't do it on your own, then … what?"

"Mother and Father helped us. They said we weren't strong enough, but we could use their strength."

"But your parents aren't here," I remind them.

"No, but you are, Jack. You could operate the equipment in the lab. You could help if we're not strong enough yet."

It sounds like absolute nonsense, but … I've seen things since I joined the Stargate Program that've made even less sense. And whether it's true or not, I don't see how it could do any harm.

I extricate myself from the children and stand up, quietly telling them to follow me. We make our way upstairs, and I knock on Carys' and Evan's door. Sam answers, surprised to see me, and comes out of the room to talk. I explain what the children told me.

She obviously doesn't believe them, but they're so convinced that they can do something, that she eventually lets them into the bedroom. Once there, she starts to explain to Evan what the children want to do. As they talk, I look at the man I've grown to admire and respect since we got here. He looks like he's shrunk. Never a tall man, he had a presence that always made him seem bigger.

To my surprise, he accepts the children's claims more easily than either Sam or me. Then again, maybe he's just more desperate for hope than we are.

"We'll try it on our own first," Shanna insists. "We'll know pretty fast if it's working."

The two children hold hands and each link their other hand to one of Carys'. They just stand there for a moment, before they drop their connection.

"Jack," Shanna asks. "Help us, please."

I don't know exactly what they want me to do, so I just go closer. They each grab one of my hands in their own, completing a circuit between Carys and the three of us, and I feel my eyes flutter shut as a sensation of warmth runs down my arms. There's a buzzing sound too, but I know it's only in my head, and I can feel heat pulsing in time to the sound. I see fleeting images too – almost like a schematic of a human body – and I know that the children are imagining it in their attempt to put right whatever's wrong with Carys.

Time seems to stand still. There's the buzz and the heat, and the visual images become less clear, more like flashing lights, and then the world starts to spin. I feel something catch me as I fall, and I know it's Sam, something of her scent powering through the overload of sensations that's gradually weakening, until everything is silent and black.


	22. Chapter 22

I don't believe for a moment that there's anything the children can do, but something in the way they're so calmly certain makes me agree to ask Evan. The ease with which he agrees doesn't surprise me. If it were Jack lying there, I'd be willing to try anything.

Their first attempt doesn't work. They did say something about not being strong enough, but they seem sure that whatever allowed Jack to operate the lab equipment will let him help. They each take his hand and continue to hold onto Carys.

I don't know how long it goes on. It seems endless. Evan sits close by, on the other side of the bed, and I'm behind the three of them, behind Jack, as Shanna sits on the bed to reach for Carys' far hand, with Jack standing next to her and Cal sitting next to Carys, holding her other hand.

It could be minutes later or it could be hours, but I'm vaguely aware that Carys' breathing seems to be easier, her lungs filling more fully than previously. I reach over to touch her forehead, and pull back quickly when I get what seems to be a mild electric shock. But she didn't feel hot.

And then, I see Jack sway. The first couple of movements are slight, but a second later, it's obvious he's about to hit the floor, so I grab him as he falls, my arms under his, as I lower him to the floor.

I know, somehow, that Evan's checking Carys out, but all I see is Jack. I check for a pulse, and I can't find one. He's not breathing.

I feel like an onlooker, watching myself position him for CPR, opening his airway, and lowering my mouth to his to breathe for him, then performing heart massage, remembering from field training the ratio of breaths to compressions.

There's movement in the room, and a moment later, Rhys and Mared are there – Rhys going to his mother and Mared coming to me. I'm re-checking for a pulse – still none, and she's trying to pull me away.

"Sam, he's dead. He's gone. What're you doing?"

"Leave me," I grind out, going back to breathing for him before initiating another round of compressions.

"But Sam," she starts again. She obviously thinks I've gone mad, but I'm not giving up, not while I've got an ounce of strength left.

I feel a touch on my shoulder, and I know it's Shanna. Somehow, she reaches into my mind and takes the information on what I'm doing, and tries to explain it to the others. At least they leave me in peace then.

I'm tiring fast. If there were someone else here who knew how to do this, I'd swap, but there isn't. I'm his only chance, and my heart's in my mouth as I check for a pulse again.

At first, I think it's my imagination. I want to feel it so much, it must be my own pulse I'm feeling, the pounding I can feel throughout my body. But no, it's there, separate, weaker, but there. There's an audible breath from him then, and I almost collapse on top of him in relief.

Mared takes over then, checking for a pulse and confirming what I found. She's shouting orders at the men, but I don't hear what she says. Rhys approaches Jack's head, and Evan his feet, lifting him carefully. They carry him into the room that was ours until so recently, laying him on the bed. They pull off his boots, and gently cover him while I look on, bemused.

I take a seat beside him, my hand on his chest so I can feel him breathing. I sit like that for a while, before I become aware of Shanna and Cal in the doorway.

"Is he …?" They both look unnaturally pale – even for them.

"He's alive," I tell them, and they both rush to the bed, their arms around me. Just a short while ago they both seemed so sure, so grown up, and now they're just a pair of terrified children, clinging to me for comfort.

At last, I manage to pull away long enough to see Mared at the door. "Carys is better – her fever's broken and she's been awake for a few minutes. How's Jack?"

I pull myself up enough that I can check his pulse again. "His pulse is pretty weak, but …"

"Good. What can I do?"

I don't know. "What happened?" I ask the children.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Shanna apologise as tears threaten again. "I didn't know. That never happened with Mother and Father. They were just … tired after. Maybe Jack just got too tired."

I force my sluggish brain to work. I felt a shock when I touched Carys. There was energy flowing, coming from somewhere. If the kids weren't strong enough, and they needed an adult … Jack must've been supplying the energy.

"A drip. He needs a nutrient drip," I decide, before remembering that that's not going to happen. Think simple, Sam. Keep it simple. He needs energy.

"Mared, can you dissolve a couple of spoonfuls of honey in some water? Bring a small spoon too."

She doesn't question, just disappears, returning a moment later with a mug, a spoon, and a piece of dried grass that looks like a drinking straw.

I brace myself at the head of the bed and pull Jack up to lean against me. I take the spoon and wet it with the mixture, open his mouth and try to dampen his lips with it. After a moment, instinct seems to take over, his tongue coming out to lick the sweetness off, and I manage to get him to take a few spoonfuls of it before he drifts back deeper.

I let him sleep for a while, my hand on his chest regularly to reassure myself that he's still breathing. When he stirs slightly, I repeat the actions with the honey water, just stroking his tongue with the damp spoon, but relieved to see that he's swallowing.

The cycle repeats as hours pass. The children come and go, worried about Jack but finding it difficult to be still long enough to stay. Mared visits regularly, bringing fresh honey water and plain water and sometimes sitting with me for a while. News on Carys is good. She's weak, but she's awake. Evan still hasn't left her side, and they've settled for the night.

"I'll take the twins with me," Mared offers. "My two'll think it's a great treat having them to stay, and that way you can concentrate on Jack."

"Thanks, Mared," I answer. I hadn't realised it was so late. She hugs me before leaving.

"When Jack's better, I think you need to tell me a bit more about the twins …" she suggests. I feel guilty, and all I can manage is a half-smile back at her.

Somehow, with the knowledge that it's late, exhaustion hits me. I quickly pull off my dress and climb into the bed beside Jack, lying on my side with a hand over his chest. Despite the relief at finally lying down, I don't believe I'll sleep, but somehow, I do.

I wake with a start, immediately putting my hand out to check Jack's breathing. As I reach for his chest, his hand grabs mine, squeezing it gently. I open the curtain for light, and peer at him. He's awake.

"Jack, how're you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck," he whispers back.

"Sore?"

"Everywhere. Thirsty."

I get up and offer him the cup of water with Mared's straw. He drinks most of it.

"Have some of this too," I offer, holding the honey water.

"What?"

"Just honey and water – to get your blood sugar up."

He nods, drinking the liquid quickly.

"Anything else? Do you think you could eat anything?"

He seems to think about that for a moment, then shakes his head.

"More water'd be good."

I pull on my dress ready to go downstairs.

When I get back, I'm carrying some water and a candle I lit from the stove downstairs. I'm met with the sight of Jack half in and half out of bed. I rush to his side, and help him back into bed.

"What were you doing, Jack?"

His eyes glance towards the other side of the room where there's a chamber pot under a small table.

"You need to pee?"

He nods, looking embarrassed.

"Then I'll bring it to you," I offer.

I do, even turning my back while he does what he needs to, before taking the pot and returning it to its place in the corner. It's too dark to go and empty it now – that's a job for daylight.

I'm about to berate him for trying to get out of bed then think better of it. It's exactly what I would've done if it'd been me.

He drinks a little more water but any energy he had is gone.

"Anything else I can get?"

"Just c'mere," he whispers.

I pull my dress off again and curl into his side.

"What happened?" he asks at last.

"What do you remember?"

"Carys."

"She's going to be ok."

"And the twins?"

"Fine."

"So what happened?"

"Later, Jack. You're exhausted, and so am I. Sleep."

It could be my imagination, but as I drift off, I'm sure I hear a whispered, "Yes, Ma'am."


	23. Chapter 23

I know she's close. I can't open my eyes, can't hear anything, but I know she's there. I think I can smell her – and I'm comforted by the knowledge that she's near.

I can taste something – something sweet, and I know I'm licking my lips to get at it. But it's exhausting – even such a small movement – and it's all gone again.

The next time I catch her scent, I'm more aware. I manage to open my eyes, only to find it almost as dark as before. Slowly, I manage to focus, becoming aware of the source of the scent and heat. It's Sam, sleeping beside me. I want to pull her into my arms, but I'm confused. Did I dream we were together? If it was a dream, then why is she here? I know I've been sick, and try to remember what happened. Carys and the twins. I remember them, and then … just this.

I try to lift my arm to rouse her, but it takes too much effort. Every muscle is aching, and my limbs feel like lead. I try to call out to her, but my voice is just a whisper, my throat dry.

She seems to hear anyway. Her hand moves to my chest, and I reach out for it. I try to squeeze her hand, but the result is pitiful. She leans up on an elbow, opening the curtain by her side of the bed to let in some light before turning back to me.

She offers me a drink from a cup with a straw, and when it's gone, I ask for more. I'm thirsty, but it's worse than that. I need to pee, and I want her out of here while I make my way over to the chamber pot that's kept under the table behind the door.

As soon as she's gone, I manage to get my feet over the side of the bed, but I can't sit up properly. I slide forward, sure that once I've planted my feet on the floor, I'll be able to brace myself, but I can't. My feet slip, and I fall onto the floor. That's where I am when she gets back.

I'm embarrassed as hell, but I've either got to tell her what I need or I'm going to wet the bed. I've been here before – unable to look after my most basic needs – but normally, there's someone – a professional – who's paid to look after that. I don't like it, but I can deal. This is different. This is Sam. She didn't sign on to bring me a pot to pee in.

She gets the pot and walks to the far end of the room, turning her back, giving me a little privacy. The sound is unnaturally loud, and I'm still more embarrassed when she returns to take the pot away.

Despite my fears, she returns to bed, putting an arm around me, telling me to sleep.

When I waken later, it's daylight. I turn slowly to see Sam, lying on her side, watching me. She leans over and kisses me gently.

""My favourite way to wake up," I tell her, surprised how rough my voice sounds.

"Want some water?"

I nod, and she holds the cup with a straw close to my lips. I drink and it eases the dryness.

"How're you doing?" she asks.

"Not sure. I feel like I'm hung over, but I don't remember the party." I take a deep breath and wince at the stabbing pain. "Oh, and maybe been in a fight."

"You saved Carys."

I try to work out what she means by that. I remember Carys was ill, and I remember the twins, and then … not so much.

"Don't think so."

"You did. You and the twins. She's much better, but your heart stopped. I had to do CPR."

"That would explain the ribs …"

"I didn't break anything, did I?" She runs her hands over my ribs again, checking for any sign of breakage.

"Probably just bruised."

"Hungry?"

"Starved."

"I'll go and get you some breakfast."

I raise an arm and put it around her. "Don't want to let you go."

She kisses me again then removes my arm. I'm not able to resist at all. She gets out of bed and pulls her dress on again. I try to pull myself up in bed, but the world starts spinning and fading, and I allow myself to fall back. Immediately, she's there, her hand on my forehead.

"Lie down, Jack."

"Think I will. For now."


	24. Chapter 24

I keep telling myself he's alive. If I don't, the memory of feeling for a pulse and finding none hits me again, and I almost lose it.

It's still early when he goes back to sleep, and I have to fend off visitors, only allowing the twins to creep in so they can see for themselves that he's alive, before I chase them to school.

Evan appears after that, wanting to thank Jack for what he did, but he leaves quickly when he realises he's asleep.

The routine of the farm has to continue in some form, and with both Carys and Jack ill, there's more than enough work for everyone else. Despite that, I refuse to leave Jack, and Carys is going to need someone to keep her in bed, so I agree to take on the care of both invalids, leaving Rhys, Evan and Mared to see to the rest.

Maybe it's selfish, but the others don't seem to object, and when I pop in to see Carys after the others have left, it's obvious why. She's doing well. She's sitting up in bed, and desperate to get downstairs and into her kitchen. I won't let her do that, but after she's spent some time complaining, I do go and get her knitting so she can at least do some of that.

When I get back to Jack, he's awake again. He's trying to get up when I go in, and I rush towards the bed to stop him.

"Jack," I warn him, but he realises he's not going anywhere too, and lies back down.

"You want the pot again?" I ask.

He nods. I hand it to him, this time, waiting outside the door until I think he's finished. I retrieve it and empty it immediately.

Back in the bedroom, I persuade him to eat something, and he washes it down with water again.

He's frustrated by his lack of strength, and while I feel for him, I'm just so damn grateful that he's alive that I don't care about the rest. I get on the bed beside him and hold him for a while, just revelling in knowing that he's still here.

Evan pops in at lunch time, and this time Jack's awake. I invite him in, and he immediately goes and shakes Jack by the hand.

"Good to see you awake, Jack," he says softly.

Typical Jack, he has to apologise for letting him down. "Yeah, sorry about that. Not sure I'm going to be doing much work today."

"Jack, you just get yourself well. You gave me back my Carys last night, and I won't ever be able to repay you for that."

Jack shakes his head, embarrassed by the obvious emotion in Evan's words.

"I mean it, Jack. Char'ak thought we were doing him a favour taking you two and the twins, but it was the other way round."

"How's Carys?"

"Threatening to hurt me if I don't let her get up. I told her maybe tomorrow, but she doesn't want to listen to me. It's not that I don't want her downstairs, it's just that if she's there, she'll go outside, and expect to just get on with everything same as usual. She's stubborn."

"Yeah, well, stubborn can be good," Jack suggests.

Later, a small herd of elephants is heard coming up the stairs, but only two children come into the bedroom.

"Where're Nye and Gwen?"

"Went to see Carys. Jack! You're awake!" Unusually, it's Cal talking for the two of them, and they rush towards the bed.

Before they can reach him, I shout a warning. "Be careful! He's hurt, and you don't want to make anything worse."

"Hurt?" Cal asks.

"Yeah. You remember when I had to breathe for him? And then I was pushing on his chest? Well, I bruised some ribs. It's painful but not serious."

"And if she hadn't, I wouldn't be here now," Jack adds, as Shanna turns an accusing glare at me.

"I didn't want to hurt him," I reassure her. "But I had to do what I did."

She smiles at me, accepting the truth of what I said.

"You're still not well," she notices, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Very tired," Jack agrees. "But Sam'll look after me."

"And we can help," Shanna insists. "Rhys and Mared have some jobs for us to do, and later, we can come and sit with you so Sam can cook some dinner."

"Got it all worked out, have you?" Jack asks, getting a nod from Cal. Shanna seems less sure, despite the enthusiasm she showed just seconds ago.

"I'm sorry, Jack."

"What for?"

"For hurting you. I … I didn't know you were so tired. Before, when we did it, we had Mother and Father to help, and … I don't think we've tried to help someone who was so sick. If Sam hadn't known how to … I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Shanna. I'm ok, and so is Carys. I sort of felt what you were doing, and now I know what to expect, I think I could warn you when to stop. But, maybe we should try with something minor next time. Cut finger maybe?"

She grins at that, and Jack smiles back.


	25. Chapter 25

My recovery takes weeks. It was nearly two weeks before I could walk further than between the cottage and the farmhouse, and then, all I could do were the jobs that Carys sometimes gave to the children. I watched Rhys and Evan becoming more and more tired, and Sam … typical Sam, worked wherever she was needed as long as there was light, and then she came in to the cottage to eat and work on whatever doohickey she was mending until she couldn't keep her eyes open any more. At first, I tried to get her to take it easier, but she calmly pointed out that the work needed to be done. And then, as I got more down about not being able to do my share, I actually envied the fact that she was tired after achieving something. I was exhausted and had done almost nothing.

As of this week, I'm finally back to doing a full load, and still, Evan suggested I accompany Sam to the village market this morning. Carys has also taken some time to recover completely, but I think Evan's motivation is more to do with making sure Bryn doesn't cause any more trouble. For whatever reason, this morning sees us, with a cart loaded with goods to sell, and four children, making our way to the village. Sam goes to drop the kids off while I get the cart situated. I set things up to display the produce as well as a couple of sweaters Carys has made.

She's just come back, and I get the chance to really look at her in daylight for the first time in weeks. I knew she was tired, but she looks bone weary.

"You ok, Sam?"

"Fine."

"You're looking pale."

"Hardly surprising. It's not like there's daylight for long this time of year. And I haven't had any time to work on my tan."

She's pissed at me, and I get it. Of course she's exhausted. She's been pulling double duty for weeks, and I've been so wrapped up in my own moping that I haven't bothered to look after her.

"Sorry, Sam. I should've realised you were so tired. Look, once we get back from the village, you go and take a nap. I'll cover whatever you were going to do."

"Don't be stupid, Jack. You can't. Evan said he needs both you and Rhys to finish the work on the top barn, and you can't let him down. I'm fine."

We're interrupted then by Iwan from a neighbouring farm who wants to chat about something. I make all the right noises, but I'm not paying attention because Sam's acting strangely. Without warning, she bolts away from the cart, and I push Iwan out of the way so my eyes can follow her as she darts up an alleyway between the back of the village hall and a house.

"Iwan, could you look after things here for a minute?" I ask.

He nods, and I rush after Sam. When I find her, she's crouched in a corner, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the ground. I kneel down next to her, holding her back as she retches repeatedly. When she's able to get up, she's shivering uncontrollably. I pull off my sweater and put it round her shoulders.

"You're fine, are you? Look, Sam, please tell me what the hell's going on. Because I've had enough of your avoidance. I know it took me too long to realise you're not well, but this is serious. You shouldn't be throwing up like that."

"Jack, leave it. I'm ok. I've been doing that for the past week, and I'm fine once my stomach's empty. I brought enough to eat to make up for it."

"And that doesn't explain why you're being sick. Sam, you're scaring me here. Tell me what's wrong."

She looks at me, and I see a range of emotions flitting across her face before she finally speaks.

"I would've thought you'd be able to work that out."

Work it out. She's been sick every morning for the past week …

"Sam, are you pregnant?"

"Looks like it."

"How long've you known?"

"I don't, not really. I'm really late, and then with the being sick …"

"Sam, that's wonderful!"

"Is it?" She looks genuinely confused and not a little tearful.

"Isn't it?" I ask. "We … did talk about it, and I thought … you wanted …"

"I did! I do. It's just … after everything that's happened – nearly losing you – and I'm so tired. How can I cope with a baby too? I'm scared, Jack."

"Oh, Sam. You're not alone in this. It's not how you can cope with a baby, it's how we can cope. And Shanna and Cal will help too, and there's Carys and Mared … And I know I haven't been pulling my weight lately, but I'm better now. I'll be able to take some of the load off you."

She nods, sniffing loudly.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I just … I don't think I could do it alone."

"You won't have to. And this," I place my hand over her flat stomach, "is the best news I've had since … us."

"So, you're happy?"

"Happier than I've any right to be."

That gets a half smile, and I pull her into my arms.

"I love you, Sam. So much. You know that, don't you?"

She nods against my shoulder and then her mouth finds its way to my neck, kissing me there, and her tongue's licking down to my shoulder and I've got to pull away.

"Sam, not here. If you carry on with that, I won't be responsible for my actions. What d'you say we get this show on the road, unload everything fast and get back before Evan's expecting us. With any luck we might have … an hour? Not as long as I want, but …"

"No, Jack. We've got four kids to pick up from school."

"Forgot that! Still, I get to spend the morning with you. The only way that could be better would be if we were alone. Just … promise me something. Don't keep things from me. I'm scared I'll do something to muck things up between us. Promise me you won't let me, Sam. Please."

"I will," she promises. "But you've got to promise me that we'll get the twins in bed nice and early tonight. I want that alone time with you too. I've missed you so much."

"I know, Sam." I move to kiss her, but she drops her head.

"Really don't think you want to do that – at least not until I've had a chance to rinse my mouth."

I shake my head, and kiss her forehead. "Let's get you some water then," I suggest, pulling her back to the cart.


	26. Chapter 26

Jack's recovery was slow, and much slower than he wanted. I know he's not a patient man – especially with himself. With Carys still recovering her strength, I've been trying to take up the slack in two directions, and while I'm not the only one doing that, it's still been hard. The weather hasn't helped. It's been cold and often wet, although there's been no snow as yet. I go out in the dark and stumble back to the cottage in the dark. At first, Jack wasn't strong enough to make love to me, although he was generous enough to want to please me. And by the time he was better, I was so tired when I got home each night, and then there were things to mend so that I could get new pullovers for the twins and extra blankets for the beds, and by the time I fell into bed at night, all I wanted was to sleep, feeling more alone than I can ever remember.

And then three days ago, I realised. For someone who's supposed to be smart, I didn't see it coming. My period was overdue, but I assumed when it didn't happen it was just because I was so tired and with all the worry about Jack ... Then, I had several bouts of sickness. And I thought I'd eaten something that didn't agree with me, but didn't mention it to anyone because we can't afford for any of us to take time off just now. It took several repeats before it finally dawned on me, and I realised I was pregnant. It must've happened just before Jack got sick.

And then I was scared. I love him, and I came too close to losing him. And since then, it's like all the joy's gone out of life. I lurch from day to day, and there's no time for anything. How do I cope with being pregnant, with a baby? How could I even think this would be a good place to have children?

Telling him, well, letting him work it out for himself … I wasn't sure what to expect. I half expected him to be upset, to tell me it's too soon, but no. He's so happy that I can't help but feel it rub off on me. And he's right. We'll be fine as long as we're together. I want him. But here, in the village, it's not the right place or time, and we agree to make sure the twins are in bed extra early tonight. In the meantime, we get to spend the whole morning together in daylight.

The market is quieter this time of year, but there's still a steady trade. Some people buy produce fresh and store it for themselves while others prefer to buy it as they need it, and so we store quantities ourselves and sell it as required. My sideline in mending mechanical contraptions has proved fairly lucrative after my success with the windmill, and with being stuck in a chair more than she likes, Carys has managed to finish a couple of sweaters that we display prominently.

It's an amazing morning. Jack's arm is around me more often than not, and we sneak kisses whenever we can. Oh, it's tame – the locals wouldn't cope with anything too intense – but it's good. So good to be with him. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

It's getting close to time to pack up and collect the kids when I feel Jack tense. I glance at him, following his line of sight. Two Jaffa. I know they were expected to collect the produce, but it's still a shock to see them. The atmosphere in the market changes abruptly. There's no belief in the Goa'uld here, but there is fear. My first thought is about the twins, and I'm not the only one.

"I'll go and get the kids," Jack suggests. "You stay here and pack up, but we'll be quicker without the cart. Is there someone who'll look after things?"

"Huw's a friend of Evan's. I'll ask him." I point out a tall, thin man about Evan's age. He's a butcher by trade, his stall almost empty of its cuts of meat.

"Ok. You know that thicket just outside the village?" I nod. "Fifteen minutes. Ok?"

He's gone then, disappearing into the crowd surprisingly easily for such a tall man. I pack things up and ask Huw for a favour he's happy to grant, and then I make my way to the thicket as agreed. Before I can get there, I hear footsteps behind me and one awful word.

"Kree!"

I turn around, but there's nothing I can do. They've already got Jack, and there's a staff weapon pointed right at me. I freeze in my tracks, initially relieved that they don't have the twins, and then I spot the other man they've got. It's Bryn.

We're taken back to the village hall – a large building close to the marketplace that, for today at least, is Jaffa central. The main room is stacked with bags of grain and other produce, ready to be taken off world. We're dragged inside and pushed down some rough stairs into the cellar and locked in. The room is completely underground, and there's only one way in or out, and we know it's guarded.

The whole time they're locking us in there, Bryn's whining that he told them about us and that he should get his reward. Stupid man obviously doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut, and I'm not even referring to Jack's reaction.

Once we're alone, Jack moves towards him, his face blank in a way that makes me shiver, and I know and trust the man.

"What did you tell them?" he asks, his voice quiet.

"About you. Look at you. You don't belong here – neither of you. She … she's not natural, and neither are you. You've been hiding behind those kids, pretending to be a family. They're looking for off worlders, and …"

I move so I'm standing beside Jack.

"And?" he grinds out.

"And nothing. That's enough. You're dangerous. You don't belong here."

Relief that he doesn't realise the significance of the twins floods through me.

"Why?" I ask. "Do you hate me that much?"

"Not just you, bitch. Both of you. With you gone, I'll get my life back."

"If you knew anything, you'd realise Sam and I'll get out of here alive. We'll probably be dragged off to face some pissed-off Goa'uld, but we'll be alive. You won't make it out of this building."

"I made a deal. I gave them what they want."

"Well, you better hope they kill you, 'cos if they don't, you'll wish they had. Somehow, I'll make you wish they had."

He's trying to look like he doesn't believe Jack, but he's scared.

Jack gives him a particularly nasty smile before we both turn our backs on him. Jack puts his arm round me, putting as much space between him and us as he can in a small, dark room.

A couple of hours later, Bryn's almost worked himself into a state of nervous collapse. He's sweating, and he can't sit still for more than a minute. It occurs to me that the way Jack and I are sitting quietly, occasionally whispering to one another, must be driving him mad. When someone comes to open the cell, Bryn assumes he's due to be released and runs towards the doorway. He's pushed back roughly while the Jaffa guards motion to us to come. Four of them flank our passage up to the main room above where another Jaffa is waiting for us.

This Jaffa looks at us, initially with disinterest, but then I see a spark of recognition.

"A prize indeed! Apophis will reward me for delivering you to him."

"Hear that?" Jack asks me. "He thinks we're important."

"I know who you are, Tau'ri."

"Look, I don't know who you think we are, but …"

"I know exactly who you are. I was present when you convinced the Shol'vah to betray his one, true God. I was injured by a staff blast and unable to prevent such a travesty, but my symbiote healed me. Since then, I have been reduced to menial work such as this – collecting food from tribute planets, but once I present you to my God, I will be able to take my place among his personal guard once again."

He turns to the escort party behind us.

"Take them to the ship and secure them there."

"What of the other? The one who told me of them?"

"Kill him," he orders yet another Jaffa.

We're taken outside again and marched through the village. I search the faces of those who're trying to remain inconspicuous, looking for someone who'll tell Carys and Evan what happened. At last I spot Huw, lurking in the shadows. I make eye contact with him and he nods almost imperceptibly. At least I know that Evan will hear what happened. And, knowing Huw, the children will be safe. Right now, I can't hope for any more.


	27. Chapter 27

When I realise that that weasel's the one who's given us away to the Jaffa, I want to kill him, slowly and painfully. But he's too pathetic for that to give any satisfaction. I leave him to stew instead. And once we've been identified, the order is given to kill him, and the only regret I can feel is that his end will be quick.

Now, though, I've got other things to worry about it. I'm still not at full strength, and Sam's plain exhausted. She's pregnant. And I've got too much to lose – we've got too much to lose. And the result is fear.

Not long after we're locked in our new cell, which at least has the advantage of being clean, the ship takes off, and a short while after that, I feel a lurch that would have knocked me to the floor if I hadn't been sitting down anyway. Looks like we're being taken to Apophis, and if that's the case, we've probably got some time.

It doesn't take long to realise we're not getting out of here without help. I sit with my back to a wall.

"Might as well make the most of some downtime," I advise Sam. "C'm'ere." I pull her into my arms, and kiss her forehead gently before lowering her head to my lap in hopes that she'll get some sleep. It works. I put my head back against the hard, cold metal of the wall behind me.

I doze as she sleeps. I'm aware of every sound around us – metal-booted feet in the corridor, shouts of 'Kree', and especially of the sudden deceleration when it happens. Looks like it was a short hop after all. That's what wakens Sam, and she sits up, blinking to clear her vision.

"How're you feeling?" I ask, stroking her face.

"Better. I … haven't slept well these last few nights."

I nod my understanding. I put my hand on her flat abdomen. Knowing our child is growing there … we've got to get out of this.

It takes a while before the ship finally lands, and it's a while after that before we're taken from the cell, ringed into another ship and brought before Apophis.

He looks just like I remember him. Arrogant and pretty.

"My Lord, the humans of the Tau'ri who recruited the Shol'vah."

He looks at us, then motions the guards away.

"You! I didn't believe my Jaffa when they told me who they'd found - lost and alone on such a meagre planet. Where is the Shol'vah?"

"Last I knew, he was on Earth, plotting your downfall."

He glares at me, but hey? If the truth hurts, why not use it?

He stands and lifts his arm. He's got one of those wrist devices on, and he points it towards my head, and then I'm wracked with pain. I'm aware of Sam's sharply indrawn breath by my side, and then there's nothing but pain until he withdraws his arm.

"I think you tell the truth. And I hope he is where you believe him to be," he smarms. "I have plans for both of you, and for the Shol'vah. But not before you see the complete destruction of your planet."

He turns to the older, gold-tattooed Jaffa next to him. "Take them with you. We leave within the hour."

We're marched back to the rings and removed to yet another ship. The cell's bigger, but there's not much else I can say about it. There's no apparent way out – even if Sam had her gear with her – so we stretch out together this time, talking softly before finally sleeping. I'm vaguely aware that the ship is moving again, but I know that getting some rest now will give us the best chance of making a move later, to say nothing of hopefully easing the throbbing in my head.

Time passes, and at intervals, we're given food and water. It looks like we're going home – just not the way I'd hoped.

I hear those booted feet approaching again, and I tense, ready for whatever's coming. To my surprise, two unconscious figures are thrown into the cell with us. Two very familiar, unconscious figures. We each rush towards one, and I immediately check for a pulse.

"Daniel's alive," I confirm.

"So's Teal'c," Sam says softly.

They come round slowly, blind and dazed, and it takes a while before they believe who we are. As their sight returns, both of us are hugged rather more than I find comfortable.

"Jack! Sam! How on …"

"Long story, Danny Boy. Long story. We got stuck, we got moved by a renegade Jaffa and we got betrayed, by a human. And now Apophis's decided we need to see Earth destroyed. How's that?"

"Very curtailed, I suspect," Daniel says, his eyes going to my hand which, without my even realising it, is holding Sam's. He shakes his head as if needing to clear his thoughts. "You've seen Apophis?"

"Yeah. He hasn't changed."

"When was that?"

"Before we left … wherever it was."

"You have been transferred to Klorel's ship," Teal'c states.

"Two ships?"

"Yeah. We're due to rendezvous with Apophis later."

I file that information.

"So, how about you?"

"Well, I got a warning. It said that the Destroyers were on their way to Earth, and it gave me a gate address. Then, Senator Kinsey turned up and shut down the Stargate. That still stands, but Teal'c and I got together and decided we had to go to the address. We didn't involve Colonel Jameson who's been commanding SG-1. There's no way he would've let us come. He would've ratted us out to Hammond. We did get Captain Joyce to help – she did something to the gate controls to let us get away without having anyone follow too quickly. She's been our fourth until last week, when she found she was pregnant. If it hadn't been for that, she'd be here too, but she made sure we got away clean, and here we are."

"You gated to a ship?"

"Yeah. Turns out there's a Stargate on board. Once we saw what was going on, we tried to dial home but it wouldn't lock. Seems we'd already gone to hyperspeed and the point of origin wasn't valid any more. We did a few things, and then they got us with some sort of stun … thing."

"So, plan?"

"Not so much. We did plant some C4," he tells us, then glances at Sam. "We concentrated it where we thought it'd do the most damage. Places like the glider bay."

That earns him a grin.

"Timing?"

"A little under two hours."

"So, in a little under two hours the threat to earth is over?"

"Er, no. There's still the other ship."

"Problem."

I hear footsteps. Another Jaffa enters – the one who brought us here, but Teal'c approaches him like an old friend.

"Bra'tac, it is good to see you."

"And I, you, but I wish the circumstances were different."

He glances at the rest of us, noticing Daniel. He shakes his head.

"And these others? I have heard that that one of them is he who persuaded you to betray Apophis! How could that be?"

"You have heard correctly. This is Colonel Jack O'Neill and he is the one who persuaded me to leave the service of the false god Apophis. And this is Captain Carter, another member of SG-1 who, like O'Neill, was lost to us some months ago."

"And just happen to turn up here?"

"Hey, Apophis wanted to show us the fireworks before he does something even more dastardly," I tell him. I'm not happy with the way he keeps looking at me. Like something the cat dragged in.

Bra'tac sighs deeply, turning his attention to Daniel. "Fools! Ha'shak! You doom yourselves. It is all I can do to keep you alive. Do you know all I have done to regain the trust of Apophis and join this campaign? Hm? Hm?"

He turns towards Teal'c. "You should not have come."

"I stand by my friends. I believe this world may be our only hope in one day overcoming the false gods."

"Yes. As pathetic as that may seem at the moment, I agree."

"You do?" I manage.

"I may even have been able to save this world had you not interfered."

"Hey, it's our world you're talking about here!" I tell him. I'm getting a little irritated.

"Enough, human! This is not the place to talk of these things. Once you have witnessed the destruction of your planet, I have been commanded to kill each of you. Come, let us see if we can yet prevent that eventuality!"

As we leave the cell, one of the Jaffa with Bra'tac steps forward. I take a look at him and realise who he is.

"Char'ak! You're with him?"

"I am. What of the twins?"

"They're safe, as far as we know," Sam tells him. "Someone recognised us as part of SG-1 and they took us to Apophis. The twins are still with Carys and Evan."

"Good."

"You know these humans?" Bra'tac asks.

"I do. They were caring for the twins I spoke to you of."

He shakes his head but doesn't say any more.

He takes us to where Daniel and Teal'c's weapons are hidden, and adds to the total with Goa'uld weapons. It feels good to be armed again – even if it's not too familiar.

It occurs to me that this Bra'tac just might have a plan.  
"Erm, Bra'tac, you mentioned something about saving the world. Care to elaborate on that?"

"By assaulting Klorel, you have made that impossible."

"Klorel? Assaulting?"

"Er, that was us," Daniel admits. "One of those … things we did before we got caught. He's … Skaara, but the Goa'uld in his head is Apophis' offspring. He's dead."

"Eugh. Skaara? And why does that stop the plan?"

Bra'tac answers with the irritating patience of someone who thinks they're explaining something to a child.

"Among the Goa'uld, a Pharaoh's power is more often challenged by their sons than by their enemies. Once we had joined battle with your world, I was prepared to lead my wing against Apophis, in Klorel's name."

"Apophis would assume your attack was ordered by Klorel and reciprocate. A daring plan!" Teal'c approves.

"I had hoped to drive a stake of mistrust between them. Now I fear they will bond against their common enemy."

"What bond? Klorel's dead." Skaara's dead, I think to myself. That sadness is for another time.

"He will rise again."  
"The Sarcophagus," Daniel realises.

"Wait a minute. You put him in that thing to bring him back?"

"I knew it would delay their attack until he arose. Perhaps when the warships of your world attack…"

"Um, excuse me, did you say "the ships of our world"?" Sam spots the obvious flaw.

"Surely you have such vessels?" Bra'tak looks less sure.

"Well, we have a number of, of…"  
"Shuttles." Both Daniel and I give the answer together. Seems like months apart haven't changed much.

"These shuttles—they are a formidable craft?"

I don't answer right away. Not long ago, everything in my world was good. Now?  
"Oh yeah. Yeah. Bad day," I mutter.

A short while later, the ship lurches slightly, and Teal'c confirms my own thoughts.  
"We accelerate. Klorel has risen."

"Then the campaign has begun. Once we launch, we will do what damage we can."

"How many in your wing?" I ask, needing to make the best use of whatever forces we have.

"Three."

"Three?"

"Teal'c makes four."

"Oh well, four." So it's sarcastic. Sue me.

"I have trained these warriors since they were Chal'tii. They have sworn their lives to me. It is no simple thing to ask."

"And we appreciate it, believe me. But what are the odds of taking out a ship like this, with four gliders and ... maybe a shuttle?"

"A Goa'uld attack vessel is heavily armed, shielded and capable of launching a legion of gliders against us. I would say: slim." Teal'c puts it clearly.

"Okay, call me a pessimist, but I think it's time for a new plan."

"We offer to lay down our lives for your world, Human. You cannot ask more."

"No, I can't," I agree. "But I think a better idea is to get the other guys to lay down their lives for their world first, hmm? How long before the C4 goes?"

Daniel answers me. "Forty-one minutes."

"Okay, with any luck at all, this ship is going to blow within the hour. It might be a good idea for us to get to the other one. Can you do that?"


	28. Chapter 28

Seeing Daniel and Teal'c again is wonderful, although there's something in Daniel's manner that's … off. I want to talk to him properly, really find out what's happened since we were stranded, but now isn't the time. Having SG-1 together again gives me hope that we might just get out of this. Finding we've got another supporter on board is good, too – another Jaffa who Teal'c seems to respect, and then to find that he commands the loyalty of Char'ak … almost seems too good to be true. Not that we've got a plan yet – beyond getting to the other ship.

We make our way along endless corridors, and more than once we've got to fight to make progress. Finally, we reach Bra'tac's destination.

"All right, here's what we do," Jack tells us.

Bra'tac disagrees. "I will lead. You will follow."

"Right."

"You will know when it is time."  
"Whoa! You're just going to walk in there alone?" Daniel obviously isn't convinced.

"I am Klorel's loyal servant."

He walks in, and as voices get louder, we finally hear Bra'tac announcing, "I die free!"

That's Jack's cue. Daniel's got an MP5, Teal'c his staff weapon, and Jack and I have those odd, curly things Char'ak used on us – zats, Jack called them.

"Daniel, watch our backs!" Jack orders.

The rest of us go in. Klorel's using a hand device on Bra'tac, but we've got to dispose of the Jaffa before Teal'c can save Bra'tac.

We hear weapons fire from the corridor, and Jack goes out, returning a moment later. The expression on his face can't be good news. I put a hand on his arm, and he turns to me.

"Daniel's staying."

"What? No!"

"Sam, he's … he won't make it. He … wants to watch our backs."

I don't want to accept it, but I know Jack. If there was any hope for Daniel, he wouldn't leave him here. I nod, feeling a lump in my throat. Now's not the time for tears. That'll come, if we get out of this.

We ring to the other ship, taking Klorel with us. Apophis is waiting for us.  
"If you fire upon us, I will kill Klorel!" Teal'c warns.

"Bra'tac, how dare you betray me?" Apophis demands.

"I have spent 133 years worshipping false gods—no more!"

He shoots at the control panel, and we leave as Teal'c pushes Klorel into the room and then seals the door by shooting it from the outside with his zat.

"Ja … Colonel, the C4 on the other ship goes in six minutes," I remind him.

"How do we blow this ship?" Jack demands.

"When we were on Klorel's vessel, I directed it closer to this one."

"If we disable the shield generator of this vessel, both will be destroyed in the explosion. Two birds with but one stone." Teal'c smiles slightly at his plan.

"This way," Bra'tac directs.

He takes us to a walkway high on the ship.

"The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then, taking our weapons, we must…"

Bra'tac is interrupted by Jack, who reaches into Teal'c's pocket and takes two grenades, pulling the pins on them and dropping them into the shield generators. The explosion is quite satisfying.

"Grenades," he tells Bra'tac.

"This vessel is no longer protected by an energy field," Teal'c confirms.

"So, that's it?" I ask.

"That is it."

"I think what Sam is asking is, 'What now?'" Jack asks, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"Now we die".

"Well, that's a bad plan. Where are the glider bays from here?"

Bra'tac leads us to the entrance. Once outside, Jack starts to plan our attack.  
"Carter, you and I will go in first. We'll take up positions to…"

Bra'tac raises his hand, and Jack stops.

"Never mind," he tells me.

"Observe!" Bra'tac announces, rolling a silver ball into the glider bay before shouting, "Cover!"

There's an explosion from the glider bay, and I see a bright light despite having my eyes covered.

"Now, that was a grenade! Come," Bra'tac tells us, grinning.

The Jaffa in the bay are unconscious. Jack sends me with Teal'c, squeezing my hand one last time before following Bra'tac. Char'ak and another Jaffa move towards a third. We board a glider, and Teal'c passes me an earpiece.

We're out of time. We accelerate away from the ship, soon seeing the two ships explode in a ball of fire. The concussion wave hits us then, and it takes a little while before I'm aware again.

"Captain Carter, are you well?"

Teal'c's voice is the first thing I'm conscious of.

"Yeah, Teal'c. I'm fine. What about Ja … the Colonel?"

"O'Neill," Teal'c says into the radio.

"Teal'c? How's Sam?"

"I'm here," I tell him, relief at hearing his voice making me feel slightly giddy.

I take a look at our situation before speaking.

"I don't think we bought ourselves much time. Our glider's had it."

"I concur," Teal'c agrees.

"We got cooked pretty bad in the explosion," I add.

"Sam?" Jack's voice is soft, and it's got a tone I recognise from our private moments.

"Jack? We're low on power and in a fairly low orbit, so I don't imagine it will be too much longer before we burn up in Earth's atmosphere."

"Sam, take a look up."

I do, and the sight takes my breath away. It's the Earth. We're home.  
"It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is."

"We saved it," I realise.

"Yes, we did." There's a sadness in his voice. We've saved the Earth, but it looks like it'll be the last thing we do. I don't even get to die with his arms round me.

"It's going to be a beautiful sunset, Jack," I tell him. If this is the end, I want to share it with him.

"You know, Sam - this wasn't such a bad day after all."

"Not bad at all," I agree, but I feel that lump in my throat again.

I hear Bra'tac's voice then. "We die well, Teal'c."

"More than that, old friend—we die free!"

And then I hear Jack's voice again. "Or not …"

I look outside and see the shuttle Endeavour. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to hold him one more time before everything changes.

Note: Both the last chapter and this one have taken heavily from the transcripts on sg-1-solutions dot com. No copyright infringement is intended.


	29. Chapter 29

We get a short while to talk to the others when we land, and during that time, I speak to Char'ak, telling him that if he can find a way to get the twins to Earth, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure they can stay. Then we're separated into two vehicles – SGC personnel separate from aliens.

On arrival, Teal'c gets a standard physical while Sam and I have to endure everything the doc. can think of. The infirmary seems busy – busier than usual. But no one but the infirmary staff get my side of the curtains. No one, except … Daniel. I know my face breaks into a grin.

"Space monkey," I call him, reaching and hugging him. I really thought he'd gone this time. Sam must hear because a moment later, she's there, hugging him too.

"So, how did you do it? Last time I saw you, you had a hole in your side."

"Crawled to the sarcophagus and then gated to the beta site. Gated back here just after they heard about the gliders that escaped Apophis' ship."

Daniel making it makes everything better, and we sit and chat for a while, while Fraiser takes Sam for a private chat in her office. I can guess what that's about, and my eyes keep darting in that direction until they emerge and it's my turn.

Once inside the office, I ask the question that's on my mind. "How is she, Doc.?"

"In remarkable health, just like you."

"But …"

"But?"

"She thought she was pregnant. Is she?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but you're not her next of kin, and even if you were, I couldn't discuss her medical details with you. If she wants to tell you the results of her physical examination, that's up to her. Now, anything you want to tell me?"

"No, Doc. You tell me I'm fine, and I feel fine, and that's good enough for me. When can we get out of here?"

"Well, I have some test results I'm still waiting for, and your debrief with General Hammond has to wait until I've apprised him of any risks you might pose to the general population. So, for now, you're both to be taken to quarters where you'll wait until I can do that."

"Look, Doc., we just saved the planet. Doesn't that cut us some slack?"

"It means that you'll be under guard in the VIP quarters rather than in the brig …" she offers, but she does have the grace to look guilty.

"What about Teal'c and Daniel?"

"They're due to debrief with General Hammond about now, but they'll be free to visit you when they're done."

The VIP quarters are just about as comfortable as it's possible to make somewhere that far underground with mainly military supplies. Sam's already there when I arrive, and my first thought is to hold her, but she must read my mind because she cocks her head in the direction of the ever-present security camera. I clench my fists in irritation. After the past few days, I'm craving contact with her, and it's not just sexual. I need to know she's ok and that we're really here, back on Earth, and safe for now.

"So? What did the Doc. say?" I demand.

"That I'm fine, although she wants me to put on a little weight."

"Sam, I mean about the baby. Did she confirm that you're pregnant?"

"Yes, she confirmed it. She did a physical exam too – reckons I'm about six weeks pregnant."

I don't even realise I'm smiling until I see her expression become irritated.

"It's going to change everything," she says. Her voice is soft and almost broken.

"Sam, what happened between us – that changes things. Getting back here changes things. Doesn't mean it's bad."

"Look, Jack. I … If you don't want … us … I'll understand. It's not like you had a lot of choice back there, and it's natural you and I ended up together, but that's no reason why we should be stuck with that here."

I feel sick. "Sam?"

"I mean it, Sir. Everything's different here. I get that."

"Is that what you want?"

She looks at me, and for a moment I think she's going to say yes, that that's exactly how she feels, and I'm getting ready to turn away so she can't see my expression when she breaks my heart. She glances at her hand, at the ring I gave her the day we got bonded. She shudders.

"No, Jack. But if it's what you want, then I understand. I'll be ok."

I let out a huge sigh. "Sam, you scared me there. God, I thought you meant that you wanted out now we're back. And I know I should let you go, but I'm too selfish for that. And I need you too much. I love you. That doesn't change because we're back here. I want us. All three of us. All five of us if we can find a way to get the twins back here."

"Do you mean it?"

"Never been more serious."

She shakes her head, then takes a look at the security camera before moving to a corner of the room. Once there, she holds out her arms to me.

"I know it's silly, but I don't want whoever's monitoring the camera to find out about us before we've spoken to General Hammond. But I think we'll be safe here …"

She doesn't have to tell me twice. I take a shuddering breath as I nuzzle her neck, inhaling her scent. Up till now, I've been on Earth. Now, I'm home. It's not enough, but it'll do for now, and we stay like that for long minutes before we hear the door open and jump apart like we've been caught doing something wrong.

Daniel and Teal'c walk in, and there are more hugs all round.

"So guys, you gave us the basic version before. How about the rest of the story?" He's looking at Sam as he speaks, probably trying to read something from her face that he knows he won't get from mine.

"Look, Daniel, can it wait? We're going to have to do the full debrief with Hammond, and you'll be able to sit in on that. I don't think I'm up to going through it twice. You ok with that, Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Are you ok, Sam? You look a little red around the eyes," Daniel notices.

"I'm fine. It's just been a bit … emotional … getting back and everything."

"And you two. What's with calling her Sam? And I'm pretty sure I saw you two holding hands up there. Something you want to tell us?"

I look at her, waiting for her to speak if she wants to.

"We … we've been living together for a while," she admits, blushing slightly.

"Living … together? Wow! So, how're you going to work that?"

"That's the question. We haven't worked that out yet. Haven't even discussed our options beyond the fact that we're together and nothing else is an option. It's not like we were expecting to ever see this place again."

"So, what's next?"

"Well, when Fraiser's got all her test results, we'll see Hammond. There'll be a full debrief, but I'm going to ask that we see him alone first. There're a couple of… personal things I'd like to get out of the way first. That ok with you, Sam?"

"Yes. That's a good idea. So, want to tell us what's up? Since when do you volunteer to stay behind to save us? We would've …"

"Sam, it was all I could do to drag myself to the sarcophagus. You wouldn't have made it if you'd taken me."

"Maybe, but … there's more. Or had you already thought about the sarcophagus?"

"Er, … no. I hadn't."

"Then what?"

"It's my fault."

"What's your fault?"

"You and Jack getting stuck there. If I hadn't …"

"Daniel, it's ok. We're ok."

"But …"

"She's right, Daniel," I confirm. "It was … an experience, but I wouldn't change it."

"Still, … I …"

"Guilt has plagued Daniel Jackson since that day."

"Forget it, Daniel. Seriously. Like Jack said, I wouldn't change anything," Sam tells him, moving forward and hugging him. I feel a small spasm of jealousy, but I push it down. She said she doesn't regret our side trip. That means she doesn't regret us. It's all I can do not to grin.

"So, hungry?" Danny asks.

"I … could eat. But we're not allowed out of here for now."

"But Teal'c and I are. What d'you want?"

We give him our order, and a short while later, we're getting reacquainted with SGC food. I never knew it tasted so good!


	30. Chapter 30

The whole time we were on Apophis' ship and later in the death glider, the idea that we'd make it back to Earth alive seemed so remote that I didn't think about the future. Once I had my feet firmly back on the ground, I was gripped with a fear like I've rarely known. Dying I could cope with. Living without Jack … Yet, from the moment we landed, it seemed I was in the background. Everyone wanted to talk to Colonel O'Neill, to congratulate him on saving the planet, to welcome him back to Earth, and while some of those comments were aimed at me too, it was Jack who fielded them, good-naturedly answering questions in such a way as to give away nothing. For the most part, I kept quiet, feeling more alone surrounded by all those people than I had on a planet when we thought Jack and I were the only humans.

I dozed most of the way to the SGC, waking only when I needed to move from vehicle to vehicle, and once there, we were taken immediately to the infirmary. Janet's welcome did a lot to make me feel better. She threw her arms around me and when she pulled away, she had tears running down her cheeks.

"Sam … it's so good to have you back. They … they tried everything, but they couldn't get a lock on that Stargate. I really thought I'd never see you again."

"It didn't look like we'd make it back for a while, Janet."

"So, just let me talk to the Colonel for a few minutes, and then we'll get some tests underway. Ok?"

She disappears, leaving me in a screened-off bay while I hear her ordering a raft of tests for both Jack and me.

Soon, I'm being prodded and poked and scanned and measured. When she's finally done everything she can think of, Janet asks me to come into her office. Just as I'm about to follow her, I spot someone coming in, and I have to blink to make sure I'm not imagining it. Daniel!

Jack gets to him first, hugging him, and I follow. I was so sure he hadn't made it, but listening to him describe his escape, I wonder why I didn't think of doing the same.

I leave Jack and Daniel to talk and follow Janet.

"So, Sam, everything's looking ok so far, although you've lost some weight. What can you tell me about what you've been through? Anything significant from a medical point of view?"

"Well, the last few months we've been living on a farm. Jack got pretty sick – his heart stopped and I had to do CPR. Since then, the rest of us were pulling double duty. I've been pretty tired, and Jack's just getting back to normal. I've been working hard, so that's probably why I've lost weight. The other thing you should know … I think I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant? Were you assaulted?"

"No, Janet. Nothing like that."

"Did you have to leave him behind? You don't seem as happy to be back as I would've expected."

"No, it's not that either. It's … I've been living with Jack for a while."

"Living with, as in a couple?"

"Yes."

"Sam, was there any coercion? If you weren't happy about anything, I need to report it."

"No, Janet. I wasn't forced. For a long time, we did everything properly. He was the perfect gentleman. But the more time we spent together, the more I … fell in love with him. He said he felt the same, and …"

"He said he felt the same? You don't sound sure."

"I was … there. Now, everything's different."

"You think he might change his mind now?"

"No … yes … Janet, I don't know. Getting back to Earth, well, it's been nearly as big a shock as getting stranded in the first place."

"I can see that. Look, it's understandable that you're feeling insecure, but all I can suggest is that you talk to Jack. He never struck me as someone who'd walk away from responsibility."

"That's the problem."

"You're worried that that's all you'll be – a responsibility."

"Yeah."

"Well, all I can suggest is that you talk to him, but don't let your insecurity push him away. He's probably feeling every bit as insecure as you are."

It seems unlikely to me, but I decide to consider the possibility.

"So, you think you're pregnant," Janet continues. "Ok, I'll divert some of that urine sample for a pregnancy test, and if you go and hop back on a bed, I'll do a physical exam, see how far. When was your last period?"

I tell her, and she does the exam, then lets me sit up again.

"You're consistent with about six week's gestation. I'll get you set up with vitamins, and I'll give you some suggestions around foods that'll help you put back the weight you've lost while taking care of everything. Have you thought about what you're going to do?"

"I want to keep it."

"Ok. How does Jack feel about that? Does he know?"

"He knows. Back … where we were, he wanted it. He was so happy when I told him! Here? I don't know."

"Sam, talk to him. He always struck me as a natural dad, so I don't see how he'd be anything other than pleased. Now. Anything else?"

"No, Janet. And you're right. I need to talk to him."

"Good. Not right now, though. Send him in so I can have a chat with him."

"You won't tell him …"

"Sam, I'm bound by patient confidentiality. He's got no right to hear anything about your examination unless you tell him. Ok?"

"Thanks, Janet."

"Any time, Sam. And I mean that. You want to talk? I'm ready. I've even got some news of my own, but that can wait. For now, I think General Hammond wants you to go and get some rest until all the test results are in. I suspect there'll be someone waiting to show you to the VIP suite."

I'm intrigued about her news, but so full of my own concerns that I leave her, finding Jack alone. As promised, I'm soon escorted to the VIP suite by two airmen who've been ordered to prevent me from leaving. Under other circumstances, I would've been furious but right now, I'm feeling too overwhelmed by the enormity of what's happened today to much care. And the VIP suite's as good a place as any for me to think.

I sit on the sofa there, getting myself more and more worried. I know I should be happy. I've got my life back after honestly believing it was over – both by being stranded so far away and then again by surviving our time on the motherships.

Jack seems to be taking a long time, and the longer I wait the more my insecurity threatens to take over. I need to let him go if that's what he wants. I don't want him to be tied to me by guilt over the baby because he'll only come to resent me, and maybe the baby too. I try breathing deeply to calm myself. Right now, there's no way I could tell him to leave without every bit of unspoken language begging him to stay. I need to be calm. I need to be calm. And then the door opens.

He pauses in the doorway, looking at me, and then his arms move away from his sides and I know, I just know that he's coming to put his arms around me. And I crave that contact like I never knew I could, but I can't let him. My eyes move to the security camera, and he looks too and gives me a curt nod of understanding.

"So? What did the Doc. say?" he asks. He sounds anxious.

"That I'm fine, although she wants me to put on a little weight."

"Sam, I mean about the baby. Did she confirm that you're pregnant?"

"Yes, she confirmed it. She did a physical exam too – reckons I'm about six weeks pregnant."

He's smiling, smug, and I'm getting mad.

"It's going to change everything," I tell him, struggling to keep my voice from breaking.

"Sam, what happened between us – that changes things. Getting back here changes things. Doesn't mean it's bad."

"Look, Jack. I … If you don't want … us … I'll understand. It's not like we had a lot of choice back there, and it's natural you and I ended up together, but that's no reason why we have to stay together now we're back." I did it. I got the words out. Why do I feel sick?

"Sam?"

"I mean it, Sir. Everything's different here. I get that."

"Is that what you want?"

I can't make up my mind what his tone's telling me. Is he eager? Relieved? Disappointed? Afraid? I don't know. I just … If I could make up my mind, I'd know what to say, but I don't. I glance at my hand, at the ring he gave me. I remember what I thought that meant, and Janet's comment about insecurity being natural. I decide on the truth.

"No, Jack. But if it's what you want, then I understand. I'll be ok."

He sighs. "Sam, you scared me there. God, I thought you meant that you wanted out now we're back. And I know I should let you go, but I'm too selfish for that. And I need you too much. I love you. That doesn't change because we're back here. I meant what I said when we bonded, Sam. I hoped you did too."

"I did, Jack. I really did. I want forever with you."

"Sam, never doubt that I want us. All three of us. All five of us if we can find a way to get the twins back here."

"Do you mean it?"

"Never been more serious."

The need to touch him is irresistible. I take a look around the room, mentally calculating angles, and move towards a corner where I'm pretty sure the cameras can't see. I hold out my arms to him. "I know it's silly, but I don't want whoever's monitoring the camera to find out about us before we've spoken to General Hammond. But I think we'll be safe here …"

If I had any remaining concerns, they're quickly put to rest by the speed with which he crosses the room to me. His arms wrap around me, and he just feels so good, so right. So perfect. Or, as perfect as both of us clothed can be.

We have a visit from Daniel and Teal'c then, and an admission to them that we're together. We don't mention the baby. Somehow, that's something for another time, once we've worked out how we're going to deal with all the changes.

Too soon, General Hammond sends for us, all of us, but we ask Daniel and Teal'c to hold back to let us apprise the General of the more personal aspects of the situation.


	31. Chapter 31

Hammond's still in his office when we arrive, so I knock on his door instead of going into the briefing room. I glance at Sam as we hear the answer to come.

"I'll join you in the briefing room in a moment," General Hammond says as he looks up from the document he's reading.

"Yes, about that, Sir. We'd like to speak to you in private first. Daniel and Teal'c will be here soon."

"I see. What's on your mind?"

"Well, Sir," I start. I had all these plans of what I was going to say, but they're gone. I give up trying to remember and just tell him. "The thing is, we need to report a change in our relationship. A change that's not strictly in line with regulations."

"Colonel, Captain, I'm sure that no one expects that you would retain full military discipline over a prolonged and uncertain period such as you have just experienced."

"Perhaps not, Sir. But … we're together, Sir. We want to stay together. And … Captain Carter is pregnant."

"I see. You realise that this will necessitate an inquiry. And a change in your working arrangements."

"Yes, Sir," we both answer, almost together.

"Have you thought about options around working?"

"No, Sir. Until a few days ago, we believed we were going to spend the rest of our lives on another planet. We had no reason to expect ever being able to return home. A few hours ago, the chance of surviving the day looked pretty remote. I think it's fair to say we'll need time to consider options."

"I see. And I understand your wish to discuss this in private. However, I believe we should adjourn to the briefing room so that the others can hear what you've got to say."

As well as Daniel and Teal'c, two other people are waiting. I recognise Colonel Jameson and Captain … Joyce? They're the two Daniel said were co-opted onto SG-1 while we were gone. Then again, maybe they are SG-1, and we're not any more.

I never liked Jameson. Too much a 'by the book' man. Truth is, in this command especially, most circumstances in the field aren't covered by the book, and you've got to work it out for yourself. Before we left, he was commanding one of the newer SG units. Joyce I don't know a lot about. I know she's a scientist, but not much else apart from the fact that, according to Daniel, he and Teal'c wouldn't have made it through the gate without her help.

As soon as we're seated, Jameson is talking, not even giving Hammond the chance to get things moving.

"Sir, I have to respectfully request that Dr. Jackson and Teal'c be removed from SG-1 immediately. They wilfully ignored orders, not only yours but my direct and unambiguous order that they not gate to that address. As for Captain Joyce, I fully intend that she be brought up on charges for her part in the affair."

"And what affair is that?" I ask. Jameson looks at me as if I'm mad.

"She was responsible for them being able to get away. She doctored the computer system so we couldn't stop them and couldn't follow."

"Ah. By the affair, you mean … saving the Earth. Because I would've thought we generally reward such behaviour rather than punishing it."

He's spluttering a bit, and I remember some rumours I've heard about the man. Rumours around family connections in the higher echelons of the Air Force and inappropriate promotion. Never gave them much credit before, but I'm starting to wonder.

"Colonels, I will not have this meeting turn into a shouting match. Now, Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, why don't we start at the beginning. We already know from Dr. Jackson and Teal'c's previous report, that the wormhole shut down before you were able to escape P5C-625, the planet on which Ernest Littlefield had been trapped for half a century. Can you take us from there?"

We tell the story of those first few days, of waiting close to the castle in the hope that the SGC would contact us. Then followed the day when we found that the gate had been destroyed, ending hope of rescue from that quarter.

By that time, Daniel's at the edge of his seat, so we let him speak. It's been a long time since either Carter or I've done so much talking, and I'm glad to let someone else have a go.

"We tried to dial the planet for days. We had Siler running gate diagnostics, but everything came out right. Since then, it's been a standard addition to every SG mission that we're looking for someone out there with ships capable of rescuing you two."

"That was never an official mission brief," Hammond says, but there's no condemnation in his voice.

"I know, Sir. But …"

"I understand, Son. So, to continue the SGC point of view for now, a month after that mission, you were both reported as MIA. That status was continued until you arrived at the SGC a few hours ago. Colonel Jameson was given command of SG-1 in your absence, Colonel, and Captain Joyce joined the team as its resident scientist."

"Once it was obvious we wouldn't be rescued via the Stargate," Sam continues, "we decided to head inland. We'd only travelled for a few hours when I started to get an energy signal I hadn't registered before, and we headed towards it in the hope of finding help."

The story of meeting the twins unfolds, but Sam keeps it clinical. To hear her you wouldn't know that she's missing them as much as I am. She calmly describes what we found about Heka and his experimentation, and her theory, surmised from the details in the diary, that Shanna has two copies of an extremely rare gene. Our transfer to the second planet, Char'ak's involvement and his more recently discovered association with Bra'tac, and our subsequent life, farming on that planet, doesn't take long. It was hard work, every day physically exhausting, but it doesn't make much of a story. Our decision to pose as a bonded couple is explained as the only way we could remain together and for Sam to be safe, given the requirements of the society.

Daniel wants to jump in as soon as Heka's mentioned, but he doesn't tell us anything useful we hadn't already worked out about him. News that he's been destroyed by Apophis seems unimportant too.

By the time we get to the part where we're on Klorel's ship and bump into Teal'c and Danny, they're, or rather Danny's desperate to tell how he discovered the gate address.

"We visited a planet that had been destroyed by the Goa'uld. We gated into a lab, and while I was looking around, I spotted a mirror. It had a remote, and I activated it, and touched the surface of the mirror. I felt this … like static charge, and because the Colonel had been yelling at me a minute before, I went looking for the rest of the team, but I didn't find anyone. I gave up and gated home. But I didn't get home. I was confused at first, but soon it was obvious I'd gone to an alternate universe. And in that universe, the Earth was already under attack by Apophis. Whole cities and countries were destroyed, and while I was there, Apophis' mothership landed on the mountain. The base looked pretty much like I remembered, but Jack, you were a General and in command of the base, and General Hammond was a Colonel. Sam wasn't in the military at all, and she was engaged to you!"

He half-smiles at me then – almost as if he's telling me he's not surprised Sam and I're together now. I keep my face neutral.

Disappointed by my lack of reaction, he continues. "Anyway, it turns out that they'd monitored a radio signal from the planet I'd just gated from. It said to beware the destroyers and then there were six digits, which I worked out was a gate address minus the point of origin. I managed to persuade the other Jack to let me take that information back to this reality rather than letting more people in that one reach safety. The whole place was gone by the time I gated out. Sam blew herself up and took out some Jaffa in the process and you, Jack, went to get us some time by talking to the other Teal'c, who was leading the attack, and you didn't come back. So, I went back to the mirror, touched it again, and then I found the rest of the team still looking for me. They didn't believe me about the alternate universe at first. In fact, I think it was only Sandy who took me seriously at all."

He glances over at Captain Joyce, who smiles at him.

"Ok," Sam manages. "Alternate universes aren't theoretical any more! I'd be interested to talk to you about that, Captain."

"Sure, whenever you like."

"But not now, ok?" the General warns. Both of them smile at that, and I wonder how well Sam knows Joyce.

"Well, at that point, the SGC was closed down," General Hammond continues. "Senator Kinsey was given details about the facility in his role as chair of the Appropriations Committee. He believed that the SGC was a waste of money and that it opened the planet up to dangers like the Goa'uld, and decided it should be shut down."

"That's when Teal'c and I decided we should gate to the address I'd picked up in the hope that we'd be able to stop the attack. But we knew we wouldn't be able to get clear, so Sandy offered to set things up so no one would disturb us. We gated to what we later discovered was Klorel's ship which, shortly after our arrival, left to attack Earth. Once we realised what we were up against, we tried to gate back, but by that time, the ship wasn't in orbit around a planet any more, and we couldn't get a lock. We managed to rig the ship with C4, and even killed Klorel, but we got caught, and that's when we met up with you folks!"

I take over the story then, describing how we were betrayed and recognised, and the couple of days of captivity before Daniel and Teal'c arrived and Bra'tac let us out. From there, the story of how we managed to rig the other ship so that it'd blow when the first one did, doesn't take long. I make a point of telling the General how Daniel was willing to stay behind because he knew he was badly injured and would only slow the rest of us down. By that time, there's very little yet to tell. Daniel made it to the sarcophagus and from there to the gate, and the rest of us got out in death gliders. And the rest, well, is history.

"That's a lot to take in, people. I'll expect full reports from everyone involved. Now, Colonel O'Neill, these twins. They're still on the farm planet, I assume."

"As far as I know."

"And do you believe that it's likely they'll be discovered by another Goa'uld?"

Teal'c answers that for me.

"If Apophis is indeed dead, it is to be expected that another Goa'uld will take over his territory. While this planet might have little to recommend it in terms of resources, the capture of these twins by another Goa'uld cannot be ruled out."

"Do you believe they would be safe on Earth?"

"Safer, in any case," I tell him. "I told Char'ak, when I was last able to speak to him, that if he could get them to Earth, I'd make sure they'd be allowed to stay."

"Would you envisage them being adopted here?"

"Yes, Sir. I … I would envisage them being adopted by Captain Carter and me."

"Preposterous!" Jameson says after a long silence, during which he's been sitting, tense and obviously unhappy.

"Colonel, I believe that to be a personal matter between Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter and none of your business. Thank you for your honesty, Jack. I'll make sure my superiors are aware of your intention in this matter, should the children come to Earth. There's certainly precedent for this planet offering asylum to children threatened by the Goa'uld."

"Sir?" I question.

"Jack, that's a matter for another conversation. Now, if no one has anything to add, this briefing is over. Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, would you please join me in the gateroom, where I believe we can meet Master Bra'tac and two other Jaffa who escaped Apophis' ship with you."

"Sir, I would like a private moment to discuss some concerns," Jameson pushes in.

"Not now, Colonel. Now, we've got something important to do."

The General takes an oddly circuitous route to the gateroom, bringing us in through the wide doors at the side. He pushes us through ahead of him, and that's our first hint that something's going on. The room is full of SGC personnel, and they burst into spontaneous applause as we walk in. There's a good deal of back-thumping and congratulations before everyone disperses, and Bra'tac and the other Jaffa are taken for a separate debrief. Before he leaves, I make sure to reassure Char'ak that the twins will be welcome if he can find some way to bring them to us. That view's reinforced by General Hammond.

When everyone's gone, we return to the VIP suite, this time without the escort. I got the impression Daniel and Teal'c were going to come, but I pointed out that Sam's exhausted, and even though it's early evening here, they saw my point.

I need a shower, and once I've said that, I see Sam's face lights up too. There're towels in the bathroom, and we go to pick up some clean clothes before returning to the VIP suite to shower – Sam going first. A short while later, we're clean and once more looking like Air Force personnel.

Sam glances at the security camera with irritation as I emerge from the bathroom. I move to 'our' corner and hold my arms out to her. A second later, she's burrowed in to me, holding me tight. Right now, I want nothing more than to sleep with her in my arms, but I know she'd never agree, not on base, so after a moment or two, I carefully disengage from her and lead her to the bedroom the suite boasts. I open the door and see that someone's given our situation some thought. There's a pair of infirmary-style pyjamas laid out on the bed.

"Get some sleep, Sam. Maybe tomorrow we can get out of here, do some talking."

"What about you?"

"I'll find a bunk somewhere. You take the big bed."

I get the feeling she's going to argue, but then she just sighs. Looks like she's too tired to argue. She walks into the room. It hurts to close the door behind her, but for now, it's the only option we've got if we want to hold on to whatever professionalism we have left. I find an empty bunk, strip off my outer clothes and fall into bed. It's narrow and hard, but it's still too big because she should be there. It feels cold and empty, but I'm so tired that I sleep anyway.

I waken, no longer exhausted, but certain that it's still early. I throw on some clothes, leave the room and find myself outside the VIP suite. I stand outside for a moment, until I'm certain that I can hear her inside. I open the door, and sure enough, there she is, illuminated by the light from the hallway. She's sitting on the sofa, with her knees up at her chin, and she's looking lost. Damn the cameras; it's dark in the room anyway, and I don't think they're fitted with IR sensors. They weren't before we got stranded. I shut the door and go to her.

"What's up, Sam?"

She snuggles closer to me and seems to relax a little.

"Have you slept?"

"A bit," she answers. "But I woke up and I felt so … alone."

"I know what you mean."

"How is it possible to feel alone now when before … in an empty world, …"

"Hey, we'll adapt."

"But … I've lived alone for years, and I never felt like this."

"Yeah." I pull her head down onto my shoulder. It's not as comfortable as the bed, but I think I could sleep here.

"What d'you think they're going to do with us?" Her voice sounds so unlike my Sam that I twist round and try to make out her face.

"Wish I knew, Sam. But whatever happens, we're in this together."

"I know. It's just … I thought I was Air Force for life. Now … well I won't be doing any gate travel until the baby's born anyway. Before all this, there's no way I would've wanted to give up SG-1, but now, I don't know where that fits in my list of priorities. Not sure it matters anyway, because they might kick us out."

"Sam, I don't think it'll come to that. I know there's no precedent for this. But that's because until the Stargate, there was no way to be stranded away from home, but healthy and free enough to make the decisions we made. And General Hammond's a good guy. He'll make sure they get the full story. Anyway, saving the planet's got to count for something …"

"Yeah. He sure gave Jameson a hard time."

"Well, he had that coming. Wanting to have Joyce up on charges because she helped Daniel and Teal'c save the planet? Like that's going to happen on Hammond's watch."

"It could, though."

"Sure, it could, but I don't think it will."

"It would with some Generals."

"You had a bad experience with a General?" I'm surprised. I wouldn't have thought Sam's the sort of officer to have broken too many rules.

"Sort of," she sighs.

"Sort of?"

"He's my dad."

Oh boy. She waits until she's pregnant before she tells me that one!

"Your dad's a General? Air Force?"

"Yeah. You didn't know?"

"No. You've never mentioned him."

"I think he's disappointed in me."

Now that makes me laugh. The idea that a parent could be disappointed by the remarkable, brilliant, courageous, beautiful woman in my arms is just so ridiculous that I've got to laugh. Obviously, it's the wrong thing to do. She stiffens and tries to pull away.

"Jack, it's not funny."

"Actually, the idea that anyone close to you wouldn't be proud enough to burst, is funny. You're amazing, Sam, and if your dad can't see that, then he's blind."

She relaxes a little. "Since I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut. Then the Stargate program came along, and it's way better than NASA. But all Dad can see is that I've given up my dream."

"And you can't tell him you've got something better."

"Maybe I don't have it any more."

"Sam, there's no way the program's going to do without you. I don't know about the Air Force. Sure, we might both be out, but the program needs you. You wait. By tomorrow, there'll be a line of people wanting you to sort out all the problems that've been piling up since we left."

She smiles and nods at that. "You're probably right."

"When're you going to talk to him?"

"Who?"

"Your dad."

"Oh, for a minute there, I thought you were talking about Siler and all the gate problems that've come up while we've been gone. Yeah, I'll have to call him."

"He'll want to see you."

"Maybe."

"His little girl's been MIA for months! He'll be in Colorado Springs soon as he can."

"Only if he can spare the time."

"Ah."

I get that. More than I want to.

"You going to tell him about us?"

"I suppose. Well, yes. He … he won't approve."

"I know I'm not good enough for you, Sam."

"It's not you he'll disapprove of, well, not as much as the fact that I'm with someone and I'm pregnant and my career's in jeopardy as a result."

"Yeah. Well. Maybe he should worry about whether you're happy."

"Maybe he should," she says, softly kissing my neck.

"Are you?"

"I'll be happier when we know what we've got and where we're going, but as long as I've got you, I'll be happy."

"Good to know."

I know it's got to be close to 0600, and any time after that, there's a real chance of someone visiting. I put my lips on hers and we share a long, lingering kiss before I stand up.

"Breakfast?" I ask.

"Yeah. Just let me get dressed."


	32. Chapter 32

After dressing, we make our way to the commissary for breakfast. It's still quiet when we arrive, but Daniel and Teal'c soon appear.

"Hey there," Daniel greets us.

"Good morning," from Teal'c. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not really," I admit. "I'll be better when I can go home."

"Any word on when that'll be?"

"I don't know. General Hammond said you'd shut both our houses up, so I assume the utilities have been shut off."

"Standard practice, Sam. No point in paying for services you're not using – especially when we didn't know for sure you'd be back. I mean, we hoped …"

"Yeah, I get that. So, when I know I've got the basics …I'm hoping later today."

"So, what're your plans until then?"

"Well, Janet wants to poke us some more," Jack tells them. "And I suspect General Hammond might want to talk to us."

"I hope that it will not be long before you will both be back on active duty. Working with Colonel Jameson has been a challenge." Teal'c's expression doesn't show much, but I know he doesn't like the man.

"Given you a hard time, has he?"

"He is not a man who is willing to take advice," Teal'c intones.

"And he never listens when I try to explain how important something is," Daniel adds.

"I'm not sure I listen all that much."

"Maybe not, but you still listen more than he does."

"How about Sandy Joyce?" I ask.

"Captain Joyce is an able warrior," Teal'c informs us. "But her skill is not yet up to the standard of you, Captain Carter."

I smile at that. I like her, but there's no way I want to hear that they haven't missed me.

"She seems to take longer working things out than you do, Sam. I mean, she gets there, but sometimes, when you're out there, you need the answer right away."

"Looks like your fan club's up and running," Jack tells me, grinning. Daniel's frown shows he doesn't understand the comment.

"Daniel, we're still waiting to hear what the Air Force is going to do … about us. Technically, we've broken regs., although they weren't exactly intended for our situation. I've been trying to tell Sam that whatever the Air Force decides, the program's going to need her. I think I'd convinced her, but …"

"A little confirmation doesn't hurt?" Daniel finishes for him.

The klaxon goes off then, with an announcement of an unscheduled off world activation. Since we're technically not on duty, I don't feel inclined to rush up there, but a moment later, they're calling me.

"Captain Carter to the control room!"

I jump up immediately, and we make our way up there. Harriman's explaining something to General Hammond but when we arrive, the General asks him to start again for my benefit.

"Captain, we're having a problem with the iris. It's SG-5, returning from a mission and they're under fire, but we can't open the iris."

"Have you tried the manual control?"

"Yes, but it's jammed. We can't open it."

I sit at the console, fingers flying over the keyboard as if it hasn't been months since I've seen one.

"I see what's happening. The system was running a diagnostic when the wormhole dialled in. That stalled the diagnostic, but the motor's still engaged, even though it's not operating the iris. If I do a reboot of that subsystem … There. Try manually opening it now."

Harriman signals to the airman in the gateroom to try, and this time, it opens easily, and the members of SG-5 stumble through looking harried but unharmed.

"It's good to have you back, Captain," Hammond tells me warmly before going to greet the incoming team. "We've missed you."

SSSSS

It's mid afternoon when we get word that Jack's house has power, but there's still no progress on mine. It sounds like the electricity company wants Dad's ok to switch on, but he's not answering their calls. I try to find out why they need his agreement to turn on my power, but all I get is a comment that since he paid the last bill, they need his agreement. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm just not up to fighting it right now, so I give up.

"Look, Sam, we'll stop by your place and pick up some things. We can spend the night at my house. I'll even get Daniel or Teal'c to stay over if you'll be happier."

"We don't need a chaperone, Jack. I've been thinking. On base, we need to keep things professional and that includes the VIP suite, but … I'm pregnant, and we've already told the General that we're going to stay together. Your house'll be fine, at least until we decide where we're going to live longer term."

"Good," he sighs in relief. "What d'you say we get out of here, like now?"

"I'd say that's a very good idea, Jack O'Neill."

My house seems cold and empty. Dust covers every surface, and it's cold in the way that only an uninhabited building can be. I find a bag and throw a few essentials into it, meeting Jack in the living room. He's looking around, checking out my bookcase, but he turns to me as I reach the doorway.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

"We'll come back when the power's on," he promises, and I smile.

The drive to his house is silent. Somehow, this is a big deal. I've shared a house with him. I've shared a bed with him. But this … going to his home … is somehow a big deal. It's not logical, but it's true. He seems to sense my uneasiness, opening the door of his truck and helping me down before putting an arm around my waist and leading me to the door.

Maybe it's the amount of natural light here, but this house isn't cold. It's musty and dusty, but it's not cold. Without discussing it, we get to work, opening windows and wiping down surfaces. It's not long before we've finished, and I look around for my bag. Jack sees me looking and raises his eyebrows in a clear question.

"Where's my bag?"

"I … I put it in the bedroom." He looks as if he's not sure how I'm going to react.

"Which bedroom?"

"Mine."

"That's ok then," I tell him, pleased at the grin the comment elicits. "But, much as I'd like to go and take a look now, I think we'd better hit a grocery store. I've checked the cupboards and they're all bare."

"Daniel and Teal'c must've cleared them out."

"So, grocery store?"

Shopping with Jack is an experience. But then, after living on a very limited range of food for months, just seeing all that food is an experience. When we get back to the house, Jack immediately starts to grill some steaks while I do some salad. We eat side by side on the sofa with the TV for company. When we take the dishes to the kitchen, I start to run water to wash up, but his hands are on my waist and his mouth is nuzzling my neck.

"Leave that. We can do it in the morning."

"But we've got to go in …"

"Then we'll do it tomorrow. Sam, I need you."

I turn in his arms, looking into his eyes. It's been too long – between him being sick and me being worried and everything else. It's been way too long. I reach my lips up to his, and we kiss, and any doubts I might have disappear. I reach for his hands and lead him out of the kitchen, and up the hallway until we reach his bedroom.

We make love, and sleep claims me quickly. I feel safe and at home.

It seems like minutes later that I'm wakened by the phone. Jack disentangles himself from me and picks it up.

"O'Neill." His voice is gruff with sleep. I check the time and find we've only been asleep a short while.

He listens for a few moments, then sighs deeply.

"Yes, Sir. I'll tell her."

He hangs up then, and turns towards me.

"What?" I ask.

"That was General Hammond. He just heard from your dad. He's on his way to the mountain to see you."

"He's what?"

"Seems he's been trying to reach you at home, but since the phone's not connected yet … anyway, he knows Hammond from way back, and he called him at home to find out where you were. Hammond told him you were staying with a friend and that he'd ask you to meet your father. He hasn't got full security clearance, so he's arranged for you to meet in one of the NORAD conference rooms up top. He's due first thing in the morning."

"Shit," I manage.

"That bad?"

"I hoped I wouldn't have to see him until I knew what was going to happen. Now … well, I … "

"Sam, if you'll be happier, don't tell him anything. You can't tell him what happened anyway because he hasn't got clearance. As for the personal stuff … just because he's your dad doesn't mean he's got a right to know anything more than you want to tell him."

"I know … It's just … it's not going to make for much of a conversation."

"You want me there?"

"What? No. Not this time. You're right. All he has to know is that I'm back and I'm fine. Once I know what's happening, I'll tell him about us and the baby."

"No second thoughts?"

"No, Jack. You're stuck with me. You had your chance to run and …"

He lunges towards me then, pulling me into a hug. "Never going to happen. But … I'd feel better if I was … close tomorrow. That ok?"

"You'll be in the SGC. That's close enough. All I've got to do is ride an elevator, and he won't be able to follow. I'll be fine."

He doesn't look convinced, but nods anyway.

SSSSS

Dad's already there when I walk in. Not the way I wanted it, but he was late, and there was a problem with the dialling computer that I needed to sort out, and by the time I get there, he's been waiting for a while.

"Dad," I start.

"Sam. It's good to see you."

"Good to see you too."

"You've lost weight."

"Yeah, well, …"

"You know, the cover story doesn't make sense when you can be MIA while working in deep space radar telemetry. What happened? Go too deep in the mountain and forget where the stairs were?"

"You know I can't tell you."

"I know. It's funny. For years I was the one with all the secrets. I don't like being the one who can't be told. I never realised how … powerless … it made your mom feel."

"Yeah, well. "

"House ok?"

"Fine. Except they wouldn't turn the power on. I don't understand why, but they wanted to get your agreement first."

"They did? I don't know why. No, wait. I paid the last bill before they switched the supply off. You want me to call them?"

"Yes, please."

"So, what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I had a call last night from General Harrison. You know him – he's an idiot who's … well, never mind. Let's just say I've got no respect for the man, and he knows it. And he told me that … you're guilty of having an inappropriate relationship with your CO. I can't believe you'd do something so stupid. Please tell me there's no truth in what he's saying, that he's just trying to rile me."

I don't speak, shocked that he's heard that much without knowing the whole story and wondering how it got out. General Harrison's got no more reason to be privy to SGC information than my dad. And then I realise that if he got the information that fast, others will too. I suspect my Air Force career's over, and when I think about it, I decide I don't really mind. I chose a military career to please my dad, but it doesn't look like it worked. The funny thing was that I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would. I've spent months playing the role of wife and mom, and I was actually happy. The idea of a civilian role at the SGC sounds good. And it wouldn't mean I can't go through the gate any more – Daniel goes through regularly.

"Judging by your silence, I've got to assume it's true," he says. There's no anger in his voice, only a deep sadness. "Who is the bastard? I hope they throw the book at him!"

Funny, I could've coped if he'd been angry at me, but hearing him talking about Jack like that …

"Dad, stop now. You don't know the circumstances. We thought we weren't getting home. Ever. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it's the truth. He didn't seduce me, we just fell in love over weeks of being alone."

"Oh, you call it love now. What'll it be when your career's in shreds, and he's gone on to his next conquest?"

That's closer to what I expected – Dad, showing his anger and disappointment.

"Dad, listen to me. I don't regret what happened between Jack and me. And I don't think I ever will. And, just so you know as much as I can tell you right now, I'm pregnant. Some day, maybe, I'll be able to describe the situation to you, but until then, all I ask is that you give me the benefit of the doubt. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then I really don't need you in my life. Now, I've got work to do."

I'm impressed that I managed to get all that out without breaking down. I turn to leave the room, walking to the door slowly to give him plenty of time to answer me.

"Sam?"

I turn around.

"Does he love you?"

"Yes, Dad. He does."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"It's your life, Kid."

I know that's all I'm going to get from him, and if I'm honest it's a lot more than I expected. I walk back to him and give him a hug. After a few seconds he responds, hugging me back.

"When am I going to meet him? He scared to meet your old man?"

"No. He offered to be here, but I … didn't expect you to know anything. I wasn't going to tell you about him until I know what the outcome will be. We're still considering our options, and I'm hoping that General Hammond will have some news today."

"Look, I've got some business here anyway. Can I see you later? Both of you?"

"Yeah. If you like. My place still isn't … habitable. How about we take you out to dinner later?"

"Sure. That'd be good. What time?"

"1900? You want us to pick you up here or somewhere else?"

"Here's fine. I'll meet you topside at 1900."

I finally walk away, feeling a little better. For a moment I thought about asking him to come to Jack's, but that'd only rub it in that we're together, and it's Jack's territory anyway. Neutral ground … public neutral ground's probably a much better bet.


	33. Chapter 33

As soon as I see her, I know something's wrong. I didn't expect her to come away from meeting with her father looking exactly happy, but I didn't expect the pink cheeks, tense shoulders and general evidence of anger.

She went straight to her lab, and if I hadn't had someone keeping an eye out for her, I wouldn't have known she was back. I did think about lurking myself, but decided that'd probably annoy her, so I got someone else to do the lurking for me. There're advantages to being a Colonel.

"How'd it go?" I ask once I've studied her for a few seconds.

"Fine," she lies.

"You don't look fine. What'd he say?"

"He's been told about an 'inappropriate relationship' even though he has no idea of the circumstances."

"The Air Force rumour mill surpasses itself."

"Maybe. The person who told him … well, let's say there's no love lost."

"Who told him?"

"General Harrison, but I don't know how he knew – he doesn't have a line to the SGC."

"Harrison?"

"Yeah. Met him?"

"No. Heard of him, though. You don't mind if I mention that to Hammond, do you?"

"Hammond? Why?"

"Ok if I tell you later?"

"I suppose."

"So, how'd Dad take it?"

"Not well … at first. I told him what I could and made it clear that you're part of my life regardless of his opinion."

"And?"

"And he sort of backed down. Eventually."

"Sort of?"

"He wants to meet you."

"Understandable."

"Tonight."

"Ok. Where?"

"I suggested we take him to dinner. Neutral ground. He'll meet us topside at 1900 – he's got meetings until then."

"Ok."

"That all you've got to say?"

"What else can I say, Sam? I've got to meet him some time. I'm not ashamed of what we've done, and as long as we're determined to stay together, there's nothing he can do."

"You've never seen Jacob Carter in full-on General mode."

"Maybe not, but I'm no stranger to angry Generals. I'll live."

"So you're really ok with this?"

"Ok's maybe too strong. But it's one of the hurdles we need to get over, and I'll be glad to get it out of the way."

She looks back to the screen of her laptop for a moment before glancing up again.

"Any word?"

"Not yet. Last I heard, Hammond was on the phone with someone at the Pentagon."

"Oh."

"Don't worry, Sam. We'll weather whatever happens."

The call to Hammond's office finally comes late afternoon. I've spent the intervening time being largely bored. It got so bad, I actually tried to get hold of the SG-1 mission reports I've missed, but that effort was scuppered by Jameson, who told me in no uncertain terms that until General Hammond told him otherwise, I had no business reading the reports of his team.

I wonder who's going to be present – whether someone from the Pentagon is going to deliver the verdict and how many witnesses might be needed, but in the end, it's just the three of us.

I'm surprised that he starts telling us he's spoken to Jacob Carter.

"Why, Sir?" Sam asks. She looks irritated, and I can see her point of view. A lot of people with a General in the family would make a big deal of it. I didn't know until yesterday, and I'm pretty sure no one else at the SGC did either, with the notable exception of the man on the other side of the desk.

"Because, Captain, it came to my attention that there had been a security breach. Now the threat might not be significant to national security, but if the potential exists, there's no guarantee it won't be serious next time."

"And what did he say?"

"He confirmed what you told me, Colonel, that he had heard something of your situation from a senior Air Force officer. I can't give you details of an ongoing investigation, but I will tell you that I've got suspicions as to who was responsible for the leak."

He pauses, clasping his hands. "Now, that's not the main reason I asked you to come in. As you know, your situation is without precedent, and the regulations were devised without the knowledge that a situation like yours would ever arise. It's fair to say that there have been two camps as regards the line that we should take in this instance. One believes that the regulations should be applied as they stand, arguing that to make an exception weakens the effect of them overall. The other camp, the one for which I've been lobbying, has insisted that the regulations must be applied in a just and fair manner, taking the special circumstances into account. And I'm pleased to report that that camp has finally succeeded. Your status as MIA effectively removed you both from active service, and therefore the regulations on an inappropriate relationship will not apply."

We both sag a little at that pronouncement.

"Good news, Sir," I manage.

"Yes. As regards the rest, Captain Carter, your position on SG-1 will have to be covered for the duration of your pregnancy. Captain Joyce is also pregnant, so someone else will be needed. Remember that this is not a disciplinary decision, but one necessitated by your condition. From the first of next month, you will be assigned to a new role within the SGC. It's been my concern for some time that the scientists we have here, while very capable, resent military procedures and discipline. However, this facility remains a military command. What I propose is to give you the role of Scientific Liaison within the SGC. The work will primarily be lab based, at least for now. It will be your job to ensure that scientists understand the reasons for various military protocols, and equally to present to me any reasons why these protocols are harmful to the scientific endeavours which are also a part of our brief. In addition, you will be assigned projects appropriate to your skills, and a staff to ensure the success of those projects. Is that acceptable?"

She's smiling before he gets to the end of the description. "Yes, Sir," she confirms.

"And bear in mind that the decision on membership of SG-1 will be revisited for both of you when you've had the baby."

"Yes, Sir."

He turns to me. "Colonel, as of the first of next month, you will return to your position as leader of SG-1."

"Thank you, Sir. What about between now and next month?"

"Well, I believe that you're both due some downtime. I hope two weeks is sufficient for you to get your lives back from wherever they were packed while you were gone?"

"Yes, Sir," we chorus.

He pauses for a moment before turning towards Sam.

"I hear you're going to dinner with Jacob tonight."

"Yes, Sir."

"It's not easy for him, you know that? He's always been a man to see things as either black or white, and your current situation is an extremely murky grey. I have requested that he be given limited clearance to know what we're doing here, but so far, it's been refused. If there was a reason, something he could add to the program, it would be a different matter."

"I understand, Sir."

"I know you do, Captain. I just … wanted you to know that I tried."

"Thanks, Sir. I appreciate it."

"Dismissed."

I follow Sam to her lab without thinking about it. Well, I could probably get hold of SG-1's mission reports now, but my mind's on other things.

"You ready to get out of here?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'd like to shower and change before we meet Dad."

"Good. You ok with what he said?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I knew I'd be off SG-1 for now – there's no way they'll let me off world on a front line team while I'm pregnant. And it's not definitely off the agenda for later. I couldn't really ask for more, could I?"

"And the rest? This scientific liaison job?"

"Sounds like it's overdue. I know there's friction between the military and the scientists. It's inevitable because we've got such different priorities. If I can provide a bridge … that's got be a good thing."

She quickly shuts everything down, and we make for the surface.

"Your place switched on yet?" I ask, remembering that she was waiting to hear.

"Yeah, but I can't face it today. We've got two weeks – let's sort that out tomorrow."

"Need anything else from there?"

"Maybe some more clothes. I didn't plan on going to dinner with Dad when we were there yesterday. Any idea where we should take him?"

"Does he like Italian food?"

"Sure. Who doesn't?"

"Ok, there's Aldo's. It's not too far from the base, it's got booths that give you a lot of privacy, and it's got a sort of quiet atmosphere. Maybe the sort of place to soothe tempers?"

"Sounds fine. Do I need to dress up?"

"Well, no denim probably, but I won't need a tie …"

"Ok. We'll go by my place and get me something to wear, then back to yours to shower and change. I think we've got time for all that."

We reach my truck then, and she's close to me as I go to open the door.

"I'm hoping we've got time for more than that …"

She grins at me. Looks like she's hoping the same thing.

Later, lying in bed with Sam, knowing that we both need to get ready to meet her dad, I notice her tense suddenly.

"What is it?" I demand.

"The twins! I keep forgetting about them! I'm busy, thinking about other things, and I forget. How can I look after a baby when I can't even keep them in my mind?"

"Sam, you didn't forget them. You just know there's nothing you can do for now, so you're worrying about the things that're more urgent. And believe me, there's no way a baby will let you forget about them. We'll work out what to do about the twins, I promise. And in the meantime, they've got Evan and Carys … and Mared and Rhys, and their friends. They'll be ok. Char'ak will find a way to keep them safe."

I hope I'm right. "I miss them too." I pause for a moment. "We're going to need a bigger house."

"Yeah. They'll be too old to share a bedroom soon, and with the baby …"

"You're right. Look, there's no rush, but … what d'you think about selling both our houses and looking for something bigger?"

"Sounds like a plan, Jack."

"Good. But now, we'd better get our asses in gear. What does your dad think about people being late?"

"He won't be impressed."

"That's what I thought."

The restaurant is just as I remembered it, and we're taken to a corner table that's got even more privacy than the rest. Sam slides in on one side and I consider whether to follow her or face her. Deciding that the first option seems confrontational, I slip in opposite, leaving the General to slip in beside Sam.

We order, and he and I sip beers while Sam goes for a soda. Introductions back at the base were perfunctory, and not a lot's been said since. I tried to chat a couple of times but didn't get any support from the others, so I gave up. Now, I'm not sure how to play this. Jacob Carter finally decides to move things along.

"I had a long chat with George Hammond today."

"I know," Sam tells him, obviously not pleased.

"He called me," he explains, surprising me by his attempt to mollify Sam.

"I know."

"So, while I had him on the phone, I asked him about Jack."

His eyes leave his daughter and turn to me.

"I've known George for a lot of years, and he's someone whose judgement I trust. We have different ways of doing things, but I've never known him to be wrong when it comes to his estimation of people. And he likes you, Jack. He thinks you'll look after my daughter."

"I fully intend to, Sir," I confirm, and Sam kicks me under the table.

"Ok. So, what was the decision? Are you looking at courts martial?"

"No, Sir. We're not."

"Well, that's a relief. Seems someone else thinks you've got mitigating circumstances."

There doesn't seem to be an answer to that.

"And? Are you both staying in Deep Space Radar Telemetry?"

"Yes, Dad. We're both staying in our current command. I'll have to change the type of work I do because of my condition, but everything will be reconsidered once the baby's born."

Food arrives then, and we chat about other things. I don't know if Sam notices, but despite the lighter tone to things, her dad's watching me closely. I'm trying to believe it doesn't matter, but deep down, I know that if he disapproves of us, it'll make things harder for Sam.

While we're waiting for the main course, Sam excuses herself, leaving us alone.

"So, Jack," he begins. "What are your intentions?"

I take a deep breath before speaking. I know I'm only going to get one chance at this, and the outcome will make things easier or harder for Sam. "I love your daughter, Sir. And I intend to be around for as long as she'll have me – hopefully, for the rest of our lives."

"Nice thought. What about marriage?"

"We haven't talked about it since we got back," I start. And that's true, although since the bonding ceremony, I consider myself as married to her as I ever was to Sara. "I don't know what she wants in that respect."

I consider telling him about the bonding ceremony, but I don't know how to do that without giving him information he shouldn't have – the US has pretty good recognition rules on marriages conducted out of the country, so it'd be hard to explain why this particular marriage won't be officially recognised.

"Personally," I continue, "I don't care about the legalities, and while I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd have me, it's going to be her decision."

"I see. You don't feel any need to give the child your name, then?"

"The child will have Jack's name, Dad." Neither of us heard her coming. Score one for the Captain – getting the better of a Colonel and a General.

She doesn't sit, but stands with her hand on my shoulder. I put my hand on hers and squeeze gently.

"You ok?" I ask.

"Fine. Move over."

I do as she asks and she slides in beside me.

"I can't believe you did that, Dad! I'm not a child. I'm a grown woman, an Air Force officer, and I'm more than capable of looking after myself. I'd understand you wanting to interfere if you'd been part of the rest of my adult life, but you haven't."

"I know, Sam. I ruined things with Mark, and I've never made an effort to get close to you. I don't want to lose you, and I thought I had."

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, for the first time showing an emotion other than anger. "Hearing that you were missing … I realised I might never see you again. It scared me, Sam. It's just … I'm sort of used to getting my own way. And I don't want to see you hurt."

"Ok, Dad. Just … don't give Jack a hard time over this. We've been through a lot of changes, and we need time to settle things between us, and the last thing we need is outside interference. Have you got that?"

"Loud and clear. You know, sometimes you're so like your mother … and then you talk like that – telling me how things are going to be – and anyone would know you're my daughter. And at least I know that if you're willing to stand up to me like that, you're not going to let a mere Colonel walk all over you. Jack, I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for."

"I think I've got a pretty good idea," I confirm. I look at her, taking in everything, the set of her jaw, her eyes just starting to register amusement and trained on mine, her cheeks still slightly pink and for a second, there's no one else there.


	34. Chapter 34

He might not realise it, but Jack made quite an impression on my dad. Of course Dad was rude and pushy and demanding, but then he's Dad. Jack managed to take what he doled out and still impressed Dad enough that he's willing to accept us. I know that, despite what he said, if he'd had serious reservations, there would've been an almighty row, and I wouldn't have seen my dad for months, or more likely years.

We drop him at a hotel in town and drive back to Jack's. We're no sooner in the door, than he pushes me against the wall, kissing me until I can't think straight. Somehow, he realises how impractical that is, because he manages to pull away for long enough for us to reach his bedroom.

Much later, we're lying together, and I'm feeling relaxed and so at home. I felt at home before, on a planet so far away, where nothing was the same except him.

"I feel like we're already married," I tell him.

"You overheard."

"Yeah, well, I wanted to know what he was saying to you."

"Sneaky."

"And don't you forget it."

He doesn't say anything after that, and I feel uncomfortable, like I've said something he didn't want to hear. And then, when my mind has gone on to other things, he speaks.

"That's how I feel too. Like we're married."

"Good."

"So, we leave things as they are?"

"Yeah. Unless …"

"Unless?"

"It might be easier, you know, with the Air Force, if we were legal."

"If that's how it turns out, then we'll talk about it. But it'll just be paperwork. We've got everything else."

"Yeah."

He falls asleep soon after that, his soft breathing and the sound of his heart, lulling me to follow him. I feel peace. I feel that this is how it's meant to be, that we've completed a circle that could so easily be different. A minor change, a different decision, and the circle changes, its radius bigger or smaller, and the circle expands or shrinks accordingly. Hey, I'm almost asleep. I don't have to make sense.

End of Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post part two of this series here as soon as time permits.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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